For years, I botched up countless conversations without even realizing it.
You know the drill:
– Awkward silences
– Misplaced jokes
– Unintended offenses
– And the dreaded foot-in-mouth syndrome.
Navigating social situations felt like walking on a minefield, never really knowing when I might set off a disaster.
This was my reality a decade ago. Despite being a self-proclaimed psychology enthusiast, I was far from mastering the art of making great impressions.
I had my fair share of cringe-worthy moments and uncomfortable pauses. I was that guy who somehow always ended up stirring up taboo topics at the dinner table or work meetings.
The result? A series of strained relationships and missed opportunities. It felt like I was pushing people away without even meaning to.
Then, I came across these 7 golden rules in psychology about what not to bring up if you want to leave a lasting positive impression.
In this article, I’m going to share these topics with you, in hopes that they’ll help you steer clear of conversational landmines, just as they did for me.
Ready to dive in? Let’s get started.
1) Personal finances
It may seem harmless, especially if you’re in the midst of a conversation about the economy or housing market.
However, diving into the details of your financial situation can make others uncomfortable and create an unnecessary barrier.
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Talking about money tends to breed comparison and competition. It can make people feel inadequate or boastful, neither of which is conducive to building positive connections.
Remember, the goal is to make a great impression and foster genuine relationships. So, whether you’re rolling in dough or living paycheck to paycheck, keep your financial status out of the conversation.
If you find yourself veering towards this topic, gently steer the conversation back to a more neutral ground. Trust me, your conversation partners will thank you for it.
2) Controversial political views
Trust me on this one. I remember a dinner party I attended a few years back. The food was delicious, the company was delightful, and the conversation was flowing smoothly.
That is until I, being a passionate political junkie at that time, decided to unleash my opinions about a contentious political issue.
The room fell silent. Faces dropped. The lively ambiance turned tense. It was a disaster.
Sharing your political views in a way that may offend or divide others isn’t conducive to growth or sharing; it’s more likely to lead to arguments and division.
So, even if you’re passionate about politics like I was, it’s wise to tread lightly around this topic unless you are certain your audience shares your views or is open to healthy debate.
Remember, the goal is to create positive impressions, not heated confrontations.
3) Negative comments about mutual acquaintances
I learnt this the hard way. A couple of years ago, I ran into an old school friend at a local café. We started catching up and our conversation veered towards our former classmates.
I casually mentioned how one of our peers had always been quite pretentious, thinking it was harmless banter.
To my surprise, my friend’s face fell, and he quickly told me that the person I was criticizing was now his brother-in-law! I had unknowingly insulted a family member of his.
Needless to say, our catch-up session ended on an awkward note, and it took us quite a while to regain the comfort we once had in our friendship.
From then on, I made it a rule to never speak ill of anyone in a conversation unless it’s absolutely necessary.
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You never know the relationships people have, and a negative comment can easily turn a pleasant conversation into an uncomfortable situation.
4) Your impressive achievements
It might seem counterintuitive, but the topic to avoid if you want to make a great impression is constantly talking about your own achievements.
Research conducted by Harvard Business School shows that while we often believe boasting about our accomplishments will make us look good, it usually has the opposite effect. The study found that self-promotion often backfires and can make us appear narcissistic and egotistical.
I remember when I first launched this blog, I was so excited that I would bring it up in almost every conversation.
At first, people seemed interested, but over time, I noticed their eyes glazing over. It hit me then – not everyone shared my enthusiasm, and I was likely coming off as self-absorbed.
So while it’s great to be proud of your accomplishments, remember that there’s a fine line between sharing and boasting.
Keep the focus on the other person as much as possible; it shows you’re genuinely interested in them, which is crucial for making a positive impression.
5) Gossip
We’ve all been there, caught up in the thrill of juicy news or scandalous stories. However, indulging in gossip can quickly change how people perceive you. It can make you seem untrustworthy or even mean-spirited.
Several years back, I found myself in a group that loved to gossip. It felt fun initially like we were insiders on all the latest news and drama.
But over time, I realized that gossip was not only damaging our perception of others but also how they perceived us.
Since then, I’ve made it a point to steer clear of gossip. It’s not always easy, especially when the conversation naturally drifts that way. I’ve found that it’s worth it in the long run. It leads to healthier relationships and helps maintain a positive image.
Remember, your words reflect your character. Make sure they’re reflecting something good.
6) Personal tragedies or misfortunes
By nature, we’re wired to share our experiences, including the painful ones. However, oversharing personal tragedies can overwhelm others and create an uncomfortable atmosphere.
I recall a networking event I attended a few years ago. I ran into an old acquaintance who had recently experienced a tough breakup.
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He began pouring out his heartbreak to me within minutes of our interaction. I empathized with him, but it cast a melancholic tone on our conversation, making it quite heavy and awkward.
As renowned psychologist Brené Brown explains, “Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.”
While it’s important to be vulnerable and authentic, knowing when and with whom to share your personal struggles is crucial in making positive impressions.
So, while it’s okay to share your experiences, ensure you do so with discretion and consider the comfort level of your conversation partner.
7) Compliments
Surprisingly, the topic to be careful with is compliments. Yes, you heard that right.
Compliments are generally seen as a positive way to connect with others. However, if they’re overdone or come across as insincere, they can have the opposite effect.
I remember once trying to impress a new colleague by showering her with compliments. I thought it would make me seem friendly and likable. Instead, she later told me it felt overwhelming and disingenuous.
As the saying goes, “Flattery will get you nowhere.” So, while it’s great to appreciate others, make sure your compliments are genuine and moderate.
Here’s a practical tip: Rather than complimenting someone on their appearance or possessions, try appreciating their skills or actions.
For instance, instead of saying “You have a great car,” you could say, “I admire how hardworking and dedicated you are.” This way, your compliments will feel more sincere and meaningful.
Conclusion
Navigating social situations and making great impressions isn’t always easy, but it’s certainly achievable.
Remember, the goal is to foster genuine connections and positive interactions. By being mindful of these 7 topics to avoid, you’re already one step closer to making that great impression.
The next time you find yourself in a conversation, focus on listening, showing genuine interest, and being empathetic.
And always remember: it’s not about being the most interesting person in the room; it’s about being the most interested.
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Take this advice to heart, and who knows? You just might become someone’s most memorable conversation.
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