Arguments can be challenging enough on their own, but when you’re dealing with a narcissist, they often escalate to an entirely different level.
You may walk into a discussion with the hope of resolving an issue, only to leave feeling confused, frustrated, and even questioning your own sanity.
This is not by accident—it’s the result of deliberate tactics used to belittle, manipulate, and maintain control over you.
Psychologists have long studied the behaviors of narcissists, particularly in how they handle conflict.
What makes these interactions so draining is the subtle yet effective ways they undermine your confidence and twist the dynamics of the argument to their advantage.
From twisting your words to outright refusing responsibility, their actions can leave a lasting impact on your emotional well-being.
In this post, we’ll explore seven common tactics narcissists use in arguments, as explained by a psychologist.
By understanding these behaviors, you can learn to recognize them for what they are and take steps to protect yourself. Let’s dive in.
1. Twisting Your Words
One of the most frustrating tactics a narcissist uses during an argument is twisting your words.
It’s a subtle but powerful form of manipulation that can leave you feeling disoriented and second-guessing yourself.
Instead of engaging with your concerns or addressing the issue at hand, they’ll distort what you’ve said, often taking it out of context or misrepresenting your intentions.
Imagine this: you express concern about their behavior, perhaps pointing out how it made you feel.
A healthy response would involve acknowledgment and discussion.
But with a narcissist, the response is entirely different. They might accuse you of attacking them, labeling you as overly sensitive or irrational.
Suddenly, instead of focusing on their actions, the argument pivots to defending yourself.
For example, you might say, “It hurt me when you ignored my calls.” Instead of acknowledging your feelings, they may respond, “So now I’m a terrible person because I didn’t answer your calls?”
This twisting of your words not only derails the conversation but also makes you question whether you were justified in bringing up the issue in the first place.
The goal here isn’t resolution. It’s to belittle you, make your arguments seem insignificant, and shift the focus away from their behavior.
By confusing you and making you feel guilty, they maintain control over the conversation and, by extension, over you.
Recognizing this tactic is the first step to disarming it. Stay grounded in your truth and don’t let them make you doubt the validity of your feelings.
2. Agreeing with You
At first glance, it might seem like a breakthrough when a narcissist starts agreeing with you in the middle of an argument.
After all, isn’t agreement a sign of understanding and progress? Unfortunately, with a narcissist, this is rarely the case.
Instead of genuine acknowledgment, their sudden agreement is often a calculated move meant to mock you or derail the discussion entirely.
Picture this: you’ve laid out your concerns thoughtfully, hoping for a constructive dialogue.
Out of nowhere, they start saying things like, “You’re absolutely right. I’m the worst person ever,” or “Sure, everything is always my fault, isn’t it?”
At first, it might catch you off guard. You might even feel a flicker of guilt, wondering if you’ve been too harsh.
But look closer. This over-agreement isn’t sincere; it’s sarcastic and dismissive. By turning your concerns into a mockery, they effectively shut down the conversation.
Their exaggerated statements make you feel unreasonable for even bringing up the issue.
What started as a genuine effort to address a problem suddenly becomes about defending yourself against accusations of being overly critical.
This tactic is designed to confuse you and take the focus off the real issue.
Instead of letting their insincere agreement sidetrack you, stay firm. Redirect the conversation back to the original topic and remind yourself that genuine resolution involves meaningful dialogue—not mockery.
3. Gaslighting
Gaslighting is one of the most insidious tools in a narcissist’s arsenal. It’s a psychological manipulation tactic designed to make you question your own perceptions, memories, and even sanity.
If you’ve ever found yourself doubting your version of events after a heated argument, you may have been a victim of gaslighting.
For instance, you might recall them making a hurtful comment or forgetting something important, only to hear them say, “I never said that,” or “You’re just imagining things.”
Despite being certain of what you experienced, their repeated denial starts to chip away at your confidence. You begin to wonder: Did I really mishear? Am I overreacting?
The term “gaslighting” comes from the 1938 play *Gas Light*, where a husband manipulates his wife into believing she’s losing her mind.
Narcissists employ this technique to distort your reality and gain control. By making you question your own memory and perception, they undermine your confidence and make it harder for you to challenge them.
It’s crucial to remind yourself that your feelings and experiences are valid, even when someone tries to convince you otherwise.
Document conversations if necessary and lean on trusted friends or therapists who can help you maintain clarity.
Recognizing gaslighting for what it is—a deliberate form of psychological abuse—empowers you to resist its impact.
4. Playing the Victim
In the middle of an argument, have you ever seen the dynamic shift suddenly, leaving you wondering how you ended up being the villain?
That’s a classic narcissistic move: playing the victim. This tactic is especially disorienting because it taps into your empathy and throws you off balance.
For example, you might bring up a valid concern, like feeling neglected or unheard in the relationship.
Instead of addressing your concerns, they might respond with statements like, “You always attack me,” or “I can’t do anything right in your eyes.”
Suddenly, the focus is no longer on your feelings—it’s on theirs.
What’s particularly challenging about this tactic is how it preys on your compassion. If you care about this person, it’s natural to feel bad when they frame themselves as the victim.
You might find yourself backpedaling, offering reassurance, and even apologizing—despite the fact that you were the one raising an issue.
But here’s the truth: this isn’t about their genuine hurt. It’s about deflecting blame and avoiding accountability.
By making themselves the victim, they shift the power dynamic and keep you from pressing the real issue.
To navigate this, it’s important to stay grounded in your perspective. While it’s okay to acknowledge their feelings, don’t let them overshadow your own.
A healthy relationship allows space for both parties’ concerns to be heard and addressed—not just one person’s.
5. Using Personal Information Against You
Arguments with a narcissist can quickly turn personal and cruel. One of the ways they do this is by weaponizing personal information you’ve shared with them in confidence.
They take your vulnerabilities—moments you’ve trusted them with—and use them as ammunition to undermine your credibility, self-esteem, or judgment.
Imagine you’ve shared a mistake you made at work or a regret from your past.
During an argument, they might throw it back at you, saying something like, “Well, you’re hardly perfect—you messed up at work, remember?”
Instead of addressing the issue at hand, they deflect and turn the focus on you, using your past to belittle and discredit you.
This tactic is deeply hurtful because it betrays trust.
What’s more, it can leave you feeling defensive, ashamed, and questioning whether you’re even in a position to voice your concerns.
But remember: their use of your personal information says more about their need for control than it does about you.
The antidote is to recognize that everyone has flaws, and your past mistakes don’t invalidate your feelings or the points you’re raising.
If anything, their reliance on this tactic reveals their unwillingness to engage in a healthy, constructive discussion.
6. Dismissing Your Feelings
Have you ever poured your heart out to someone, only to have your emotions brushed aside as if they didn’t matter?
That’s exactly what happens when a narcissist dismisses your feelings during an argument.
For example, you might express frustration about being forgotten on an important date, only to hear, “Why are you making such a big deal out of this? You’re always so sensitive.”
In that moment, your emotions are invalidated, and the blame is shifted onto you for simply feeling upset.
This tactic is especially harmful because it sends a clear message: your feelings don’t matter.
Over time, constant dismissal can erode your confidence in your emotions and make you hesitant to express them altogether.
It’s important to remind yourself that your emotions are valid, no matter how much someone tries to belittle or disregard them.
Healthy communication involves mutual respect and understanding, not one person consistently dismissing the other.
7. Refusing to Take Responsibility
Perhaps one of the most exhausting traits of a narcissist in an argument is their inability—or outright refusal—to take responsibility for their actions.
No matter how clear the issue may be, they’ll dodge, deflect, and deny, making it impossible to have a meaningful discussion.
You might hear things like, “It’s not my fault,” or “You’re overreacting.” They might even turn the situation around, blaming you for their behavior.
For instance, if you confront them about a broken promise, they may respond, “Well, I wouldn’t have forgotten if you weren’t so demanding all the time.”
This constant refusal to own up to their mistakes leaves you carrying the emotional burden of the conflict.
Over time, it can create a toxic dynamic where you feel responsible for everything, even when the fault isn’t yours.
Here’s the hard truth: you can’t force someone to take responsibility if they’re unwilling.
What you can do is set boundaries and refuse to accept blame for things that aren’t yours to own. Accountability is a cornerstone of any healthy relationship, and you deserve nothing less.
Conclusion
Dealing with a narcissist in an argument is like walking through a psychological minefield.
From twisting your words to refusing responsibility, they employ a range of manipulative tactics designed to confuse, belittle, and control.
These behaviors can leave you feeling drained, doubting yourself, and questioning your worth.
But here’s the empowering part: recognizing these tactics for what they are is the first step to breaking their hold over you.
Whether they’re playing the victim, dismissing your feelings, or gaslighting you, understanding their motives helps you stay grounded in your truth.
You deserve relationships built on mutual respect, empathy, and accountability—not manipulation.
While you can’t change the behavior of a narcissist, you can protect your emotional well-being by setting boundaries, seeking support, and remembering that your feelings are valid.
Keep advocating for yourself, and never let someone diminish your sense of self-worth.
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