We’ve all been there—the heartache, the loneliness, and the constant replaying of memories after a breakup.
It can feel like you’ll never truly move on. But what if I told you that the key to getting over your ex isn’t just time or distractions, but mastering specific skills that psychology says can help you heal faster?
It’s not about forcing yourself to “get over it”; it’s about shifting your mindset and adopting practical strategies that make moving on a little bit easier.
In this post, we’ll explore 10 psychological skills you can start mastering right now to help you break free from the emotional grip of your ex.
These aren’t just quick fixes—they’re deep, actionable changes that can transform the way you think, feel, and move forward in your love life.
Whether you’re struggling to let go or simply want to speed up the healing process, these tips can help you regain control and step into a future where you feel stronger, more confident, and ready for the love you deserve.
Let’s dive in.
1. Take Them Out of Your Phone Contacts
The first step to emotional freedom after a breakup is often the hardest, but also one of the most effective—removing your ex from your phone contacts.
It’s easy to think that you’ll somehow “accidentally” run into them, or that keeping their number handy just in case you need closure or want to check in isn’t a big deal.
But every time their name pops up on your screen—whether you’re scrolling through contacts, searching for a number, or receiving a random notification—it can trigger a flood of emotions.
Those feelings, often accompanied by a sharp pang of sadness, regret, or longing, can derail your efforts to heal. Why put yourself through that cycle over and over again?
Removing them from your contacts is a small but powerful action.
It’s not about erasing the person from your life or pretending they never existed; it’s about giving yourself the mental space to heal.
Every time you pass their name, it’s a reminder of what’s lost.
By eliminating that reminder, you allow yourself to focus on the present and future, not the past.
Don’t beat yourself up if you don’t do this immediately after the breakup—psychology suggests that it’s normal for people to take time to make this move.
According to a survey by OnePoll, it takes most people about seven and a half weeks to delete photos or remove traces of an old relationship.
So take your time, but do it. It’s a necessary step to moving on, and over time, you’ll thank yourself for doing it.
2. Stop Telling Your Sad Story of the Breakup
There’s something comforting about sharing your pain, especially with people who care about you.
They want to help, offer advice, and give their support, which can be therapeutic in the short term.
However, if you find yourself constantly retelling the story of your breakup, it’s time to ask yourself whether it’s helping you heal—or just keeping you stuck in the past.
Psychologists have long known that recounting painful events can, paradoxically, prolong emotional distress.
After a while, telling the same sad story can keep you emotionally tethered to your ex, preventing you from truly moving on.
While it’s totally normal to talk about the breakup in the beginning stages of healing, you need to be mindful of how much time you spend focusing on the past.
Studies have shown that it takes an average of two months before people stop bringing up their exes in conversations, even after they’ve decided to end the relationship.
This behavior can serve as an unconscious attempt to stay connected, but in reality, it’s delaying the natural process of detaching.
The more you talk about your ex, the more you keep the emotional bond alive—making it harder for your mind to fully embrace the idea of a fresh start.
Shift the focus to the present, and eventually, you’ll find that you’re able to talk about your relationship (if at all) from a place of neutrality or even understanding, rather than pain.
3. Make a List of All Their Bad Qualities
This may sound counterintuitive—or even a little mean—but stick with me here.
When you’re heartbroken, it’s easy to romanticize the past.
Your mind tends to exaggerate the good times you shared, focusing on the qualities that once made your ex seem perfect.
The human brain is wired to hold onto idealized memories, and this can trap you in a cycle of longing for someone who may not have been right for you in the first place.
That’s why making a list of their bad qualities can be such a powerful tool for moving on.
Think about the things you didn’t like, the red flags you may have ignored, and the habits or behaviors that drove you crazy.
By putting these down on paper, you can begin to shift your perception.
It’s not about being bitter or cruel—it’s about creating a balanced view of the relationship, so you can start to see it for what it really was.
Research from the American Psychological Association supports this idea.
A 2018 study found that reflecting on the negative aspects of an ex can help individuals detach more quickly and reduce the intensity of their emotional attachment.
It’s not about dwelling on the negatives, but rather about breaking through the rose-colored glasses and facing the reality that this person wasn’t perfect—no one is.
Reconnecting with that reality helps you let go of the illusion of “what could have been” and embrace the reality of “what should be”—a healthier future without them.
4. Stop Finding Ways to Run Into Them
It’s tempting, especially in the early days of a breakup, to find ways to “accidentally” run into your ex.
Maybe you drive by their favorite coffee shop or take a stroll past their apartment, hoping for a fleeting encounter that might somehow bring closure or rekindle the connection.
But let’s be real: this behavior does nothing but keep you emotionally stuck.
It gives you false hope and prolongs the heartache, all while slowly chipping away at your self-esteem.
This kind of self-sabotaging behavior can lead to a dangerous pattern of obsessing over your ex and comparing yourself to them.
Your mind starts to question whether they’re happier without you, whether they’ve moved on, or worse, whether you’ll ever be able to replace them.
The more you focus on them, the more you prevent yourself from healing and moving forward.
Additionally, this kind of behavior can negatively impact your mental health.
A 2011 study found that behaviors like stalking or obsessively checking up on an ex on social media can lead to increased anxiety, depression, and poor overall well-being.
It’s natural to feel the urge to keep tabs on your ex, but it’s crucial to resist.
Every time you allow yourself to indulge in this, you’re damaging your own mental health.
Instead, focus on your own growth and future—because the more you let go of the past, the more room you create for the possibilities ahead.
5. Come Up with a Mantra to Say to Yourself When You Start Thinking About Your Ex
When the pain of a breakup starts to overwhelm you, it’s easy for your mind to spiral.
You begin to relive past memories, wonder if there was something you could have done differently, or even entertain the idea that your ex was “the one.”
In these moments, it’s crucial to have a mental tool to redirect your thoughts and regain control. Enter the power of a mantra.
A mantra is a simple phrase or affirmation that you repeat to yourself whenever negative or sad thoughts start to creep in.
For example, try saying, “I deserve someone who completely loves and adores me,” or “I am enough, and I will find the love I truly deserve.”
These positive affirmations can act like a lifeline, pulling you out of the emotional muck and reminding you that you have so much to offer.
The beauty of a mantra lies in its simplicity and repetition.
Research from 2015 confirms that repeating a positive mantra in the mornings can boost self-esteem and set the tone for the day ahead.
The more you practice saying something empowering to yourself, the more it shifts your mindset from feelings of loss to a sense of self-worth and hope for the future.
When you find yourself dwelling on the past, recite your mantra, and gradually, it will replace the negative thoughts with affirmations of strength and possibility.
6. Stop Blaming Yourself
It’s only natural to wonder if you could have done something differently to save the relationship—perhaps you think, “If I had said this differently” or “If I had been more patient.”
But here’s the truth: if a relationship is meant to last, both people should be invested in making it work.
If your ex truly loved you, they would have made the effort to fight for the relationship.
The responsibility for the breakup is never solely on one person, and blaming yourself only keeps you trapped in the past.
It’s important to remember that mistakes and imperfections are part of being human.
If your ex couldn’t see the value in you or chose to walk away, that speaks more about their readiness and capability to love than it does about your worth.
Relationships are complex, and many factors—timing, compatibility, and personal growth—play a role in their success or failure.
Blaming yourself only prolongs your pain and stops you from healing.
Instead, embrace the reality that sometimes relationships end not because of anything you did wrong, but because they weren’t meant to be.
In a healthy relationship, both people would be fighting to keep it alive, and if they weren’t, it’s a clear sign that they weren’t the right match for you.
Let go of guilt, and focus on the fact that you deserve someone who accepts you for who you are—flaws, mistakes, and all.
7. Start Hanging Around New People
One of the best ways to speed up the healing process after a breakup is to expand your social circles.
If you’re constantly surrounded by mutual friends or people who were close to your ex, it’s difficult to fully detach and move forward.
You’re constantly reminded of the past, and it can feel like you’re still living in the same world that your old relationship occupied.
But when you start meeting new people—whether they’re friends of friends, colleagues, or people you meet through new hobbies or interests—you’re allowing yourself the chance to build new memories and experiences that have nothing to do with your ex.
This helps you break free from the emotional trap of constantly reliving old conversations, shared experiences, and reminders of your past relationship.
A 2020 study found that engaging in new experiences and meeting new people can significantly boost happiness levels and create a sense of fulfillment.
New social interactions allow you to see yourself in a new light, without the weight of your ex’s presence.
You may find that you’re enjoying the company of people who appreciate you for who you are now, not just who you were in the context of a past relationship.
These new connections can also open the door to new romantic possibilities, and before you know it, you’ll realize how much stronger and more resilient you’ve become.
8. Build Your Confidence
After a breakup, it’s easy to start questioning your self-worth.
You may wonder if you weren’t good enough, or if there’s something wrong with you.
But the truth is, the reason your ex decided to end the relationship likely has very little to do with you personally—and everything to do with their own limitations, fears, or needs.
So, the key to moving on is not about changing who you are or fixing something about yourself; it’s about building your confidence and embracing the belief that you are worthy of love, respect, and happiness.
Research from 2023 confirms that people with high self-esteem experience better mental health and more successful relationships.
When you feel good about yourself, you’re less likely to settle for unhealthy dynamics, and you’re more likely to attract someone who truly values you.
Building confidence starts from within.
One powerful tool for enhancing self-love is self-hypnosis, which can help you retrain your mind to embrace your true, lovable self.
When you truly believe in your own worth, you’re not only more attractive to others, but you’re also better equipped to navigate the dating world in a healthy and empowering way.
9. Make a List of What You Want in a Relationship
Sometimes, after a breakup, it’s easy to think that your ex was “the one” and that you’ll never find someone like them again.
But often, we attract relationships by default, without being clear about what we truly want or need in a partner.
A breakup gives you the perfect opportunity to reset and clarify your desires.
Take some time to write down exactly what you want in your next relationship, not just in terms of physical traits or superficial qualities, but also in terms of values, communication, and emotional connection.
When you set a clear intention for the type of person you want to attract, it can help you filter out relationships that aren’t aligned with your values and goals.
You’ll find that as you clarify what you want, you begin to shift your mindset away from the past and open yourself up to a future that aligns more with who you truly are.
You may find that the person you design in your mind is much different than your ex-love—and that’s a good thing.
You’re no longer measuring potential partners against an idealized version of your ex; you’re setting the stage for a healthier, more fulfilling relationship based on your authentic needs.
10. Visualize Yourself Happy
Visualization is a powerful psychological tool that can help you achieve your goals, and it’s no different when it comes to healing from a breakup.
It may sound a bit “woo-woo,” but the science behind it is solid: visualizing yourself happy and in love with someone new can actually help you manifest that reality.
The idea is simple—spend at least ten minutes a day picturing yourself in a happy, healthy relationship with someone who truly loves you.
Picture the joy, the laughter, and the emotional connection you’re craving.
At first, this might bring up feelings of sadness or even tears, especially if you’re not quite ready to imagine life without your ex.
But the more you practice, the more you’ll notice your mind shifting from sadness and loss to hope and possibility.
A 2016 study confirmed that visualization can lead to greater success in achieving desired outcomes.
By imagining yourself in a positive, loving relationship, you’re programming your mind to believe it’s possible—and that belief, in turn, increases your chances of attracting that kind of relationship.
It’s about rebuilding your sense of inner peace, fostering hope, and setting the stage for the love you truly deserve.
Conclusion
Healing from a breakup isn’t easy, but by mastering these 10 psychological skills, you can take control of your emotional journey and pave the way for a healthier, more fulfilling future.
It’s about shifting your mindset, building your confidence, and embracing new possibilities.
While it might take time and effort, remember that every step you take brings you closer to the love and happiness you truly deserve.
So, trust the process, be kind to yourself, and keep moving forward—you’ve got this.
if you found this article helpful, kindly share it with your loved ones. it encourage me to write more. And before You leave, check out the recommended reading below, am sure you will find something that will interest you. THANKS
