As we age, respect becomes a more valuable commodity. But, let me tell you, there’s a huge difference between being liked and being respected.
Being liked often means bending to the will of others, pleasing them at the expense of your own needs and desires. Sure, it feels good in the short term, but it’s not a sustainable or satisfying way to live.
Being respected, however, means standing your ground. It means making decisions based on your own values, not what others expect of you.
If you want to be respected as you get older, there are certain people-pleasing behaviors you need to kick to the curb. Here are 8 of those behaviors you should say goodbye to. Trust me, ditching these habits will make all the difference.
1) Always saying yes
One of the biggest people-pleasing habits that we all fall into at some point is the curse of always saying yes.
You know the feeling. Someone asks you for a favor or to take on an additional task, and even though you’re already swamped or it’s something you’d rather not do, you still say yes. You don’t want to disappoint, right?
But here’s the thing. Constantly saying yes when you actually want to say no is not a road to respect. It may make people like you in the short term, but it doesn’t earn their respect.
Why? Because it sends the message that your time, your energy, and your preferences are not as important as theirs. And that’s not the message of a respected person.
So if you want to be respected as you get older, start practicing the art of saying no when it’s appropriate. It might not be easy at first, but trust me, it’ll be worth it.
2) Over-apologizing
Let me share something personal with you. I used to be an over-apologizer. Every time something went wrong, even if it had nothing to do with me, I was the first one to say “I’m sorry.”
I thought it was a way to keep the peace, to show empathy. But what I didn’t realize was that I was diminishing my own self-esteem and signaling to others that I was easy to take advantage of.
One day, a friend pulled me aside and pointed this out. It was a wake-up call. From then on, I made a conscious effort to only apologize when it was genuinely my fault.
And guess what? People’s respect for me grew significantly. It turns out that constantly apologizing, especially when it’s not your fault, doesn’t make you look empathetic. It makes you look like a pushover.
So if you’re also an over-apologizer, I highly recommend reevaluating this habit. Save your apologies for when they’re truly warranted and see how it changes the way people perceive and respect you.
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3) Seeking validation
Have you ever noticed how often people post their achievements on social media? From personal milestones to professional accomplishments, it seems like everyone is seeking validation from others.
This behavior isn’t just limited to social media. In real life, many of us constantly seek approval from others, whether it’s our boss at work or a friend in our social circle.
Here’s a surprising truth: The desire for validation is biologically ingrained in us. According to evolutionary psychologists, it’s a survival mechanism that helped our ancestors fit into social groups, which was crucial for survival.
But in today’s world, constantly seeking validation can make you look insecure and needy. It sends the message that you’re not confident in your own worth or abilities.
To earn respect, it’s crucial to stop seeking external validation and start validating yourself. Trust in your capabilities and value your own opinion. This will not only boost your self-esteem but also command respect from others.
4) Avoiding confrontation
It’s human nature to avoid uncomfortable situations. We all prefer harmony over conflict, right? But sometimes, avoiding confrontation can lead to bigger problems down the line.
People-pleasers often avoid confrontation at all costs. They don’t want to upset anyone or create tension. But this can often lead to issues being swept under the rug, only to resurface later in a much bigger and nastier form.
What’s more, constantly avoiding confrontation sends a message that you’re not willing to stand up for yourself or what you believe in. And that doesn’t earn respect.
So if you want to cultivate respect as you age, it’s important to learn how to handle confrontation in a healthy manner. It’s not about picking fights or being aggressive, but rather about addressing issues head-on in a respectful and assertive way.
5) Neglecting your own needs
It’s easy to forget about our own needs when we’re so focused on pleasing others. We’re often taught from a young age that taking care of others is a noble pursuit, and it is. But not at the expense of neglecting ourselves.
There’s a certain nobility in self-care too. In fact, it’s the most profound act of self-love. And let me tell you, it’s impossible to truly respect someone who doesn’t respect themselves enough to prioritize their own wellbeing.
So if you’ve been putting everyone else’s needs above your own, it’s time to take a step back. Start prioritizing yourself. It could be as simple as taking time for a hobby you love or saying no to an extra task at work so you can have some downtime.
Respecting yourself enough to care for your own needs isn’t selfish; it’s essential. And when you start doing this, you’ll find that others begin to respect you more too.
6) Not setting boundaries
I remember a time when my calendar was filled back-to-back with commitments. From work deadlines to social engagements, I was always on the go, leaving no room for personal time. I thought being available and accommodating was a sign of respect.
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But over time, this constant availability left me feeling drained and unappreciated. That’s when I realized the importance of setting boundaries.
Setting boundaries isn’t about being selfish or distant. It’s about valuing your time and energy. It’s about defining what is acceptable to you and what is not.
When you set boundaries, you communicate to others that you respect yourself. And in turn, they begin to respect your time and your needs as well. So don’t be afraid to establish and enforce your boundaries. It’s one of the most respected traits you can cultivate.
7) Trying to fix everyone’s problems
We all know someone who’s always ready to swoop in and fix things whenever there’s a problem. While this can be a great quality, it can also be a sign of a people-pleaser.
Trying to solve everyone’s issues might make you feel needed or important, but it can also create an unhealthy dynamic. It sends the message that people can rely on you for everything, which can lead to a lack of respect for your time and energy.
More than that, it robs people of the chance to learn and grow from their own experiences.
So if you want to be respected, resist the urge to solve everyone’s problems. Instead, offer support and guidance when asked, but allow others to handle their own issues. This will not only earn you respect but also empower those around you.
8) Fearing to be disliked
Here’s the most important thing to understand: You can’t please everyone. No matter how hard you try, there will always be someone who doesn’t agree with you or like you. And that’s perfectly okay.
Fear of being disliked can lead us to act in ways that are not genuine or true to ourselves. We may hide our true feelings, agree when we actually disagree, or do things we don’t want to do.
But acting out of fear will never earn us respect. In fact, it only makes us lose respect for ourselves.
So let go of the fear of being disliked. Be true to yourself and your values. The right people will respect you for it, and those are the people who truly matter.
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