Every grandparent wants those warm, movie-style moments where the grandkids run into the house, yell “Grandmaaaa!” or “Grandpaaa!” and act like you’re their personal superhero. But kids don’t fake enthusiasm—if something feels off, they show it. And IMO, that honesty is both adorable and brutal

I’ve seen grandparents wonder why their grandkids “don’t visit as much anymore,” and sometimes it’s not about distance, schedules, or school. Sometimes it’s about vibes. Yep, vibes matter—even at age six.

So let’s talk about the habits that quietly push grandkids away and the ones that pull them closer. FYI, this comes from real-life moments I’ve witnessed, a few mistakes I’ve made myself, and some straight-up kid logic.

1) Criticizing Their Parents in Front of Them

Kids treat their parents like their default VIPs—period. When you criticize Mom or Dad, even casually, you shake their sense of loyalty and safety. And trust me, they pick up way more than you think.

Ever noticed how a kid suddenly goes quiet when adults argue? They process everything.

Why This Kills the Mood Fast

• Kids feel torn, even if you think the comment sounds “mild.”
• They worry you might talk about them the same way.
• They start guarding conversations, which kills genuine connection.

I once watched a sweet 8-year-old shut down for the rest of the afternoon because her grandma said, “Your mother spoils you too much.” Boom. Shutdown mode activated.

What You Can Do Instead

Stay neutral. Stay supportive. If you must rant about your adult child, save it for group chats, trusted friends, or—let’s be honest—the wall.

Ask yourself: Would I enjoy a visit where someone drags people I love? Probably not. So say goodbye to the criticism and say hello to the peace.

2) Making Every Visit Feel Like an Interrogation

You know how some conversations start nice but suddenly feel like job interviews? Kids feel that x10.

“Why are your grades like this?”
“What happened to that friend you had?”
“Why aren’t you eating more?”
“Who are you texting?”

If you hit them with a barrage of questions the second they sit down, you transform the visit into an emotional obstacle course.

What Kids Actually Want

They want someone who:

• Chats with them, not at them
• Shows genuine interest without prying
• Keeps things light unless they choose to open up

Ever wondered why kids talk more in the car or during a game? They talk when the pressure drops.

Try This Instead

Ask open, low-pressure questions like:

• “What’s the funniest thing you saw this week?”
• “What game are you into these days?”
• “Got any cool stories for me today?”

Light questions open doors. Heavy questions close them.

3) Refusing to Adapt to Their Interests

Kids change interests almost weekly—today it’s dinosaurs, next week it’s slime, next month it’s a K-pop group with 14 members, 3 subunits, and zero explanation. And when grandparents refuse to play along, kids notice.

Why This Matters

Kids feel valued when you value what they value. Even pretending to understand helps. I once spent an entire weekend learning the names of Pokémon so I could impress my nephew. Did I understand anything afterwards? Nope. Did he think I was the coolest? Absolutely.

What Being Adaptable Looks Like

• Watching an episode of their favorite show
• Asking them to explain their video game (even if you’re confused the whole time)
• Letting them share music that sounds like robot bees but apparently “slaps”

Engagement doesn’t mean you must love the interest. It just means you meet them halfway.

Ask Yourself

Do I want them to be excited to share their world with me?
If yes, step into their world—even if it feels chaotic.

4) Being Overly Rigid About House Rules

Look, I get it—your house, your rules. Totally fair. But when every rule feels like a military command, kids start counting down the minutes until they leave.

Signs You’re Being Too Rigid

• You enforce every rule with absolute seriousness.
• You correct every small behavior.
• You react like someone committed a federal crime when they spill juice.

Kids don’t enjoy walking on eggshells, and honestly, adults don’t either.

Balance Helps Everyone

You can keep structure without draining the joy out of the room. Try:

• A few non-negotiable rules (like no running near glass tables)
• A few flexible rules (like letting them eat in the living room occasionally)
• A sense of humor when chaos happens (and it will)

Remember: They visit for love, not law enforcement.

5) Comparing Them to Other Grandchildren or to How You Raised Your Kids

Nothing kills a kid’s confidence faster than comparisons.

“Well, your cousin reads at a higher level.”
“When I raised your dad, he never talked back.”
“Your sister eats everything. Why don’t you?”

Oof. That hurts—and it sticks.

Why Comparisons Backfire

• They feel judged.
• They feel less-than.
• They stop trying because they assume they’ll never measure up.

Kids want to feel like their own person, not a contestant in a family talent show.

A Better Approach

Focus on what makes each child unique. Celebrate:

• Their weird sense of humor
• Their creativity
• Their kindness
• Their quirky, random hobbies

Avoid the “back in my day” speeches too. Kids tune them out after the first sentence.

Ask Yourself

Do I want them to remember me as someone who encouraged them—or someone who made them shrink?

6) Overloading Visits with Activities and Expectations

Some grandparents plan visits like full-blown corporate retreats. Schedules. Timelines. Activities lined up back-to-back. Zero breathing room.

Kids don’t want every minute micromanaged. Sometimes they just want to chill on the couch and talk. Or play. Or exist.

Why Overplanning Pushes Them Away

• They feel exhausted.
• They feel obligated to “perform.”
• They miss the chance to connect naturally.

Ever noticed how the best moments happen when no one plans anything? Those spontaneous cookie-baking disasters or random board-game laughs create the real memories.

What Works Better

Plan one or two simple things, then let the rest happen organically. A relaxed visit feels like a visit, not a field trip.

Kids don’t remember perfectly planned events. They remember how you made them feel.

7) Forgetting to Really Listen When They Talk

Kids know when someone “pretends” to listen. They catch the glazed eyes, the rushed responses, the distracted scrolling.

When they feel unheard, they stop sharing. And once that wall goes up, it gets tough to break through.

Why Listening Matters So Much

• Kids love when adults take them seriously.
• Understanding their feelings builds trust.
• Listening strengthens your bond more than any fancy toy or outing.

How to Listen Like You Mean It

• Make eye contact.
• Put the phone down (yes, even that message can wait).
• Ask follow-up questions.
• React like their story matters—because it does.

Even a simple “Whoa, that’s awesome!” makes their day.

Ask Yourself

Do I want them to run to me with their stories—or run away?

Final Thoughts

If you want your grandchildren to enjoy visiting you, you don’t need a mansion, a Disney-level entertainment plan, or unlimited snacks. You just need to make them feel safe, loved, heard, and valued.

Say goodbye to:

• Criticism
• Interrogations
• Rigid rules
• Comparisons
• Overplanning
• Dismissiveness

Say hello to:

• Warmth
• Flexibility
• Interest
• Humor
• Listening

Grandkids remember the grandparents who make them feel seen—not the ones who make them feel judged.

So keep things light, keep things genuine, and stay open to their ever-changing little worlds. Trust me, when you do that, those visits won’t just happen more often—they’ll feel magical. And honestly, isn’t that the whole point?