Feeling emotionally small can drive people to seek power in unhealthy ways. It’s a sad reality that individuals often try to compensate for their inner insecurities by exerting control or dominance over others.
In my experience, this typically involves eight common, yet harmful tactics. These tactics may offer temporary relief, but they ultimately lead to more harm than good.
In this article, we’ll dive into these eight unhealthy ways people who feel emotionally small often use to seek power. It’s essential to understand these behaviors, not only to identify them in others but also to recognize them in ourselves.
1) Excessive control
One of the most common ways people who feel emotionally small seek power is through excessive control.
This is all about creating a sense of importance and power, by controlling every aspect of their lives and often, the lives of those around them too.
You’ll often find these individuals micro-managing others or becoming overly involved in decisions that may not even directly concern them. It’s a way to assert dominance and create a sense of self-worth.
However, this kind of behavior can be highly damaging to relationships and can create a toxic environment. It’s important to recognize this and address it before it escalates further.
Remember, seeking power through control is not a healthy or sustainable way to address feelings of emotional smallness. It’s far better to engage in self-reflection and personal growth to overcome these feelings.
2) Bullying and intimidation
Another unhealthy way people try to gain power is through bullying and intimidation.
I remember a time in my life when I worked with someone who was always belittling others. This colleague would use harsh words, sarcasm, and even outright aggression to assert dominance and control in the office.
Looking back, it was clear that they felt emotionally small and were trying to compensate for it by making others feel the same way. But this only created a hostile work environment and didn’t actually elevate their status or respect among our peers.
Bullying and intimidation often stem from feelings of inadequacy. It’s a harmful, destructive strategy that only serves to push people away. Recognizing this behavior in ourselves or others is the first step towards addressing it and seeking healthier, more positive ways to interact.
3) Exploiting others’ vulnerabilities
It’s unfortunate, but some people who feel emotionally small seek power by exploiting the vulnerabilities of others. This can take many forms, from emotional manipulation to taking advantage of someone’s trust or kindness.
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Did you know that research has shown those with low self-esteem are more likely to exploit others? A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found a correlation between low self-esteem and exploitation.
This behavior is particularly harmful, as it can cause emotional distress to the person being exploited. Understanding this tendency can help us identify when we or others may be falling into this unhealthy pattern, and work on building respect and empathy instead.
4) Playing the victim
Some individuals who feel emotionally small often resort to playing the victim in order to seek power and control.
They tend to blame others for their problems, refuse to take responsibility for their actions, and constantly portray themselves as the victim. This way, they can gain sympathy and attention, which can give them a sense of power and importance.
However, this is a harmful cycle that only reinforces their feelings of being “small” or powerless. It shifts responsibility and prevents personal growth. Recognizing this behavior is key to breaking the cycle and fostering a healthier approach to dealing with challenges.
5) Emotional blackmail
Emotional blackmail is a heart-wrenching tactic used by those who feel small to attain power. It involves manipulating others through their emotions, such as guilt or fear, to get what they want.
Imagine a person constantly threatening to end a relationship unless they get their way, or someone using their own emotional suffering as a tool to control others. These are classic examples of emotional blackmail.
This approach can be deeply hurtful and damaging to the person on the receiving end. It’s essential to recognize this behavior for what it is and take steps to address it. Everyone deserves to be in relationships where they feel safe, respected, and free from manipulation.
6) Constant need for validation
I’ve often noticed that people who feel emotionally small have a constant need for validation. They seek power through constant approval and praise from those around them.
Take me, for example. There was a time when I would constantly seek validation from my peers, always needing them to approve my work or ideas. It was a tiresome and unfulfilling cycle that left me feeling even smaller when I didn’t get the recognition I craved.
This need for validation often stems from deep-seated feelings of inadequacy. It’s important to remember that genuine self-worth comes from within, and not from the approval of others. Breaking free from this cycle can be a powerful step towards feeling emotionally bigger and more fulfilled.
7) Creating drama
Creating unnecessary drama is another method some people use to feel powerful when they feel emotionally small. They stir up conflict and tension to draw attention to themselves and control the narrative.
They might spread rumors, exaggerate situations, or constantly play the devil’s advocate just to spark reactions. This way, they become the center of attention, which gives them a false sense of importance and control.
However, this behavior only leads to more conflict and negativity in the long run. Recognizing and addressing this tendency can pave the way for healthier communication and more authentic relationships.
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8) Public humiliation
The final unhealthy power-seeking behavior we’re discussing is public humiliation. People feeling emotionally small may resort to publicly embarrassing or belittling others to assert their dominance.
This tactic is not only cruel, but it’s also counterproductive. Rather than gaining respect or power, it tends to isolate the perpetrator, damaging their relationships and reputation.
Remember, everyone deserves respect and dignity. Using humiliation to gain power is never justified. If you notice this behavior in yourself or others, it’s crucial to address it immediately and seek healthier ways of communication and interaction.
Final thoughts: It’s all about self-awareness
Understanding human behavior is a complex journey, filled with countless variables that influence our actions and decisions.
One profound factor is our emotional state. Feelings of emotional smallness can drive individuals to seek power in unhealthy ways, as we’ve explored in this discussion.
Remember, these behaviors often stem from deep-seated insecurities and self-esteem issues. Recognizing them is the first step towards change.
If you see these behaviors in yourself or others, consider it a sign that some emotional healing is needed. Cultivating self-awareness, practicing empathy, and fostering healthier communication can help break these patterns.
As Carl Jung once said, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
Becoming aware of these behaviors is the first step towards breaking the cycle. Let’s use this understanding to foster healthier relationships and a more positive sense of self.
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