Navigating life’s emotional rollercoaster isn’t easy, but some people handle it with a grace that leaves you wondering, “How do they do it?” Well, the secret lies in emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence, or EQ, is all about recognizing and managing not only your own emotions, but also the emotions of others. It’s about speaking with care, understanding, and respect.
And guess what? People with high EQ know there are certain things better left unsaid.
In this piece, we’ll explore the 7 things people with real emotional intelligence never say out loud, according to psychology. Trust me; incorporating these insights into your day-to-day interactions could make a world of difference.
So, buckle up and get ready to boost your EQ!
1) “You’re too emotional”
Now, let’s dive into our first point. It’s a common occurrence, someone is expressing their feelings, and they’re met with the dismissive “You’re too emotional.”
But, those with real emotional intelligence know better than to belittle someone’s feelings.
People with high EQ understand that emotions aren’t a sign of weakness, but rather a vital part of being human. They value emotions as a way to understand and connect with others better. You won’t catch them dismissing someone’s feelings, no matter how intense.
In the words of the renowned psychologist Carl Rogers, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
People with high EQ recognize this paradox and apply it to their interactions, accepting others’ emotions as they are.
2) “I told you so”
Next on our list is the notorious phrase, “I told you so.” It’s a phrase that I, embarrassingly, used to use quite often. I remember when my younger brother started his first job.
I had warned him about the challenges he might face, and when he came home from his first day, venting about how tough it was, I couldn’t help but say, “I told you so.”
But over time, I’ve realized the negative impact of these four words. They don’t offer comfort or support. Instead, they often make the other person feel worse.
I realized that my need to say “I told you so” was more about my own insecurities than helping my brother.
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People with high emotional intelligence understand this. They know that “I told you so” serves no real purpose other than to assert dominance and make the other person feel small. And that’s not what emotional intelligence is about.
Next time you find yourself itching to say “I told you so,” pause and think about how it might make the other person feel. Trust me, there are always better ways to respond.
3) “That’s not my problem”
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you wanted to wash your hands of someone else’s problem? I’m sure we all have. It’s human nature to protect ourselves from additional burdens.
But the phrase, “That’s not my problem,” is something you’ll never hear from a person with high emotional intelligence.
In fact, they understand that empathy is about recognizing and sharing feelings that are being experienced by another person. They might not be able to solve the problem, but they’ll never dismiss it.
The renowned psychologist, Daniel Goleman, who popularized the concept of emotional intelligence, said, “Empathy and social skills are social intelligence, the interpersonal part of emotional intelligence. That’s why they look alike.”
People with high EQ employ empathy and understand that while they may not be directly affected by someone else’s problem, acknowledging and validating their feelings can go a long way in building strong, healthy relationships.
4) “You always…” or “You never…”
“You always forget to take out the trash,” or “You never listen to me.” Sound familiar? These absolute statements are something people with high emotional intelligence avoid. These phrases are not only accusatory but also set a negative tone for the conversation.
Psychologists call these “absolute terms,” and they can be incredibly damaging in communication.
According to a study published in the Journal of Psycholinguistic Research, these absolute phrases can trigger defensive responses and often escalate conflicts rather than resolve them.
People with high EQ know the power words hold. They understand that communication should be about understanding and resolving, not blaming and accusing.
So instead of using absolute terms, they opt for more open-ended and constructive phrases like, “I feel like I’ve been doing this task more frequently, can we find a way to share it more evenly?”
By avoiding these absolutist terms, people with high emotional intelligence promote healthier and more productive conversations. So remember, the next time you’re in a heated discussion, try to steer clear from “always” or “never”.
5) “It’s fine”
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“It’s fine” is such a common phrase, right? We often use it as a quick response to brush off something that’s bothering us.
I remember a time when I was feeling overwhelmed with work and my friend asked how I was doing. Instead of expressing my feelings, I simply responded with, “It’s fine.” But I wasn’t fine.
People with high emotional intelligence understand the importance of expressing their feelings honestly. They know that saying “It’s fine” when it isn’t doesn’t help anyone.
This reminds us of the importance of expressing our emotions instead of burying them.
People with high EQ don’t shy away from their feelings. They are honest about their emotions and encourage others to do the same. So, next time you’re tempted to say “It’s fine” when it isn’t, remember to allow yourself to express your true feelings.
6) “I know exactly how you feel”
Now, this might seem counterintuitive. After all, isn’t empathy about understanding others’ feelings? Yes, but stating “I know exactly how you feel” can sometimes do more harm than good.
It may seem like you’re connecting, but in reality, it can come across as dismissive. Each person’s feelings and experiences are unique to them, and assuming you can fully understand them may minimize their experience.
People with high emotional intelligence choose growth. They strive to understand and validate feelings without assuming they know it all.
A more emotionally intelligent response might be, “I can’t imagine exactly what you’re going through, but I’m here for you.” This acknowledges their unique experience while also offering support.
So remember, assuming you know exactly how someone feels can be less helpful than you might think. Choose growth over safety, and aim to understand without assuming.
7) “Whatever”
The last phrase on our list is “Whatever”. While it may seem harmless, it can be quite dismissive and disrespectful.
Psychologist Albert Bandura said, “In order to succeed, people need a sense of self-efficacy, to struggle together with resilience to meet the inevitable obstacles and inequities of life.”
People with high emotional intelligence echo this sentiment by validating the feelings of others instead of brushing them off with a “whatever”.
So remember, even in disagreement, strive to show respect and understanding. Your EQ will thank you for it!
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Wrapping it up
Navigating the complex world of human emotions and interactions isn’t always simple. It requires patience, understanding, and a good dose of emotional intelligence.
Perhaps you’ve recognized areas where you shine or maybe you’ve identified a few areas for growth.
Regardless, remember this: Emotional intelligence isn’t about perfection. It’s about striving for better understanding, empathy, and communication. It’s a journey, not a destination.
Next time you find yourself in a challenging conversation or situation, reflect on these points. Who knows? You might find yourself responding differently. And in doing so, you take one more step on your journey of emotional intelligence.
And that, my friend, is progress.
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