There’s a distinct contrast between a ‘chill’ friend and an anxious person. But what if they’re the same person?
You might think your laid-back buddy is the epitome of calm, but beneath that cool exterior could be a whirlwind of anxiety.
Being ‘chill’ can sometimes be a coping mechanism for those who are secretly anxious. They hide their anxiety under the guise of being relaxed or indifferent.
In this article, we’ll delve into the 8 reasons why your “chill” friend might be secretly the most anxious person you know. Because sometimes, the coolest cucumber in the bunch is actually just trying to keep it together.
1) They’re always prepared
Your “chill” friend has a knack for always being prepared, don’t they? Whether it’s a spontaneous road trip or an unexpected dinner party, they seem to have everything under control.
But what you may not realize is that this preparedness stems from anxiety. They prepare for every scenario, not because they’re super organized, but because they’re trying to ward off anxiety.
Anxiety often makes people anticipate the worst. So, your friend over-prepares to ensure they can handle any situation that comes their way. It’s their safety net against the unexpected.
Just because they appear ‘chill’ on the outside, doesn’t mean they aren’t frantically planning on the inside.
2) They’re perfect listeners
I remember one time, I was going through a really tough breakup, and my “chill” friend, Sam, was there for me. He listened to me rant, cry, and vent for hours on end. He didn’t interrupt or try to give advice, just listened.
At the time, I thought, ‘Wow, Sam is so chill and patient’. But I later found out that he was going through a lot of anxiety himself. He told me how he would replay conversations in his head, over and over, worried about what to say or how to respond.
His ability to listen so well wasn’t just because he was a good friend. It was also his way of coping with his own anxiety. He would focus on other people’s problems so he wouldn’t have to confront his own.
3) They’re always busy
Your chill friend is always on the move, aren’t they? Whether it’s a new hobby, a side hustle, or just being the life of the party, they seem to always be in action.
But this constant need to be busy might be a coping mechanism for anxiety. A study published in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology found that people with anxiety disorders are more likely to engage in distracting activities to avoid confronting their feelings.
Being busy isn’t just about staying active, it’s also a way to keep their mind off their worries.
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4) They’re into mindfulness
Have you noticed that your ‘chill’ friend is into mindfulness, meditation, or even Buddhism? That’s no coincidence.
Many anxious people turn to these practices as a way to manage their anxiety. Mindfulness and meditation encourage us to live in the present moment, which can help keep anxious thoughts at bay.
In fact, the practice of mindfulness is deeply rooted in Buddhism. This ancient philosophy teaches us to cultivate awareness and compassion, which can be incredibly helpful in managing anxiety.
In my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I delve into how Buddhism can help us confront and manage our fears and anxieties. We explore how its teachings can lead us to live more fulfilling and less anxious lives.
5) They’re great at giving advice
It’s always been easy to go to my “chill” friend, Alex, for advice. He seems to have a knack for knowing the right thing to say, the right perspective to take, no matter what the problem is.
This wasn’t just because Alex was wise beyond his years. He confessed to me that he often felt anxious about his own life and situations, and so he spent a lot of time reading self-help books and psychology articles. He sought out advice for himself, which in turn made him great at giving advice to others.
If your “chill” friend always has the perfect piece of advice ready for you, it might be because they’re searching for answers themselves. Their wisdom might be a mask for their hidden anxiety.
6) They’re always calm, even in chaos
It’s a bit of a paradox, isn’t it? Your “chill” friend always seems calm, even when everything around them is in chaos. You would expect them to lose their cool, but they don’t.
However, this unflappable demeanor might be a sign of their inner anxiety. They’re so used to managing their anxiety that they’ve learned to maintain an outward calm, even in stressful situations.
Their chill exterior is their defense mechanism, a way to control their environment when they feel like they can’t control their internal world. It’s not that they’re unaffected by the chaos; they’re just very good at hiding their anxiety.
7) They’re perfectionists
Ever noticed how your “chill” friend seems to get everything just right? Their work is always top-notch, their home is immaculate, and even their casual outfits seem perfectly put together.
But this need for perfection might be a sign of hidden anxiety. Perfectionism is often driven by a fear of failure or judgment. Your friend strives to get everything right to avoid criticism and the anxiety that comes with it.
They might appear ‘chill’, but underneath, they’re constantly worrying about meeting high standards and avoiding mistakes. That’s why they put so much effort into getting things perfect – it’s their way of managing their anxiety.
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8) They’re always there for you
The most telling sign that your ‘chill’ friend might be secretly anxious is their unwavering support for you. They’re always there, ready to lend an ear, give advice, or just be a comforting presence.
This isn’t just because they’re a great friend. It’s also because focusing on other people’s problems can be a way to distract from their own anxiety. It’s easier to wrestle with your problems than theirs.
If your “chill” friend is always there for you, it might not be just out of friendship. It could be their way of coping with their own hidden anxiety.
Final thoughts: It’s all about empathy
Understanding human behavior is complex, and the anxiety hidden beneath a ‘chill’ persona is no exception.
Your ‘chill’ friend’s demeanor might actually be their way of managing their anxiety. Understanding this can deepen your empathy and compassion for them, and help you support them in times of stress.
In my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I explore how Buddhist teachings can foster such empathy and understanding. It’s a resource that can help you navigate your relationship with your ‘chill’ friend – and anyone else dealing with hidden anxiety.
Everyone is fighting their own battles, even if they’re not outwardly visible. So the next time your ‘chill’ friend seems perfectly composed amidst chaos, remember – they might just be trying to keep their anxiety at bay.
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