Few things compare to the intensity and passion felt when falling in love anew.
These emotionally-tinted glasses can be thick enough to let you overlook just about anything questionable about this shiny new interest.
No, unfortunately it doesn’t last forever.
As the relationship starts to get more serious, emotions stabilize and those overlooked things sharpen a bit in clarity.
So those problems that arise later on in the relationship are usually ones that were there in some form since the beginning.
Not to worry, some conflict and disagreement is normal, even healthy in a relationship.
The frequency and degree of the problems determine if this is ‘normal’ or a flashing red sign of an imminent end.
Interested in what these signs are? Coming right up
1. Your Relationship is Solely About the Romantic Pull
Romantic attraction to your partner is important in any relationship, they are part of what forms a solid bond, not the entirety of it.
A healthy, strong relationship also consists of having something in common with your partner other than the romance.
Without any similar interests, goals, shared experiences, or any other kind of common ground to stand on, the foundation is weaker, with little to build with.
Like the little pig with the straw house, it can collapse easily.
Take for example, you and your partner had an intense, passionate relationship. Your two chemistry are undeniable, and both of you couldn’t keep your hands off each other.
But when the both of you aren’t wrapped up in each other, you two struggle to connect.
Over time, the both of you will find it boring or frustrated because you couldn’t connect during your non-romantic moments.
You two eventually have nothing to talk about, no shared hobbies, and no common goals. Which will make the relationship feel empty outside of the physical connection.
And the lack of deeper compatibility can lead to constant misunderstandings, and that is where many people realized that love alone wasn’t enough to keep a relationship.
2. You Don’t Like Their Friends
Ever heard that saying: “Tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are.”
There’s certainly some truth to that.
While it’s perfectly healthy and fine for you and your partner to have your own friends, a problem arises when there is an active dislike for each other’s social circles.
As friends act as a reflection of the person, this implies that on some level you may not actually like the person you’re with.
This could be an early sign that the two of you are not well-matched.
3. You Spend Too Much Time Together
On the other social flip-side, is your partner the only person you see, to the exclusion of everyone else?
Spending too much time together with your partner may eventually erode your own sense of self.
Sure, saying someone is “our whole world” sounds romantic; however, if taken at face value, this actually implies dependence on them for your identity and happiness. Which is not healthy or sustainable.
Let say for instance, you started dating someone, you do everything together with them.
At first, it might feel amazing—morning coffee runs, lunch breaks, weekends, and even gym sessions are all spent side by side.
But as months passed by, you might start to feel restless.
You will miss your old self since you have cut off all other connections like friends and family and all you have now is your partner.
This is when the relationship will become suffocating, and soon, small disagreements turned into big fights.
Without space to grow as individuals, your once-exciting relationship will start feeling like a cage.
4. Your Relationship Feels One-Sided
It’s one thing when your partner tells you they love you and care about you, but another when they don’t show it in their actions.
Do you usually start conversations or plan your dates together? Do you feel you are giving much more than you are getting back?
While relationships are definitely not competitions, both you and your partner should be doing the work to hold the relationship together.
If you start feeling like you are the only one putting in effort in the relationship.
Like you are always texting first, planning date nights, and making thoughtful gestures like surprising your partner with their favorite snacks or remembering important dates.
Then that’s a sign that your relationship probably won’t last, because in the long run you will feel drained.
5. You Feel Controlled
Do you notice more and more that your opinions or decisions are constantly overridden?
Or maybe a decision was made without your input and the expectation is for you to happily follow along without a word?
This may mean that your partner doesn’t respect you or care about your feelings.
Healthy relationships require mutual respect, so being in a relationship with this kind of imbalance does not bode well.
This person can change this by learning to value your opinion and stop being so controlling.
6. You Can’t Be Yourself Around Them
Yes, we’ve all heard and probably know that first impressions are important;
We dress more carefully, put some extra shine to our smiles and filter our personalities like an Instagram pic.
So what about the second impression, or third, or hundredth? … the two hundredth?
By that point, should the relationship be healthy and strong, we shouldn’t need to put on the first-impression suit or perform all that prep before hanging out with our partner.
If you still feel like that’s required in your serious relationship, this is a pretty key sign there’s going to be trouble ahead.
7. You Don’t Feel Accepted
Your partner feeds a constant flow of criticism to you for your perceived flaws, saying it’s “for the better”.
The critique is to change every aspect of you from the way you dress to the way you speak.
It’s like they want a different person than the one in front of them.
You may initially justify going along with it to salvage the relationship.
The reality is, you’re sacrificing the wonderful, unique and valuable you for a person who doesn’t see your worth.
You deserve to be treated like the gem you are. And not mistaken for a lump of coal that needs dressing up.
8. You Fight All The Time
Occasional conflict, handled correctly, is a healthy and normal part of a relationship, as it helps couples understand each other’s differences better.
If the conflict be constant and volatile however, especially early in the relationship, this is a clear sign of incompatibility.
All the energy for the relationship is sapped from arguing, with no chance of growing closer as most conversations turn into a screaming match.
It’s not healthy and it’s definitely not sustainable for a long-term relationship.
9. You Don’t Trust Each Other
Healthy, lasting relationships require mutual trust.
Trust allows closeness, honesty and vulnerability to occur, which are all things that strengthen the bond.
A lack of trust in a relationship isn’t something that will fix itself if ignored.
This can look like many things, including checking their phone on the sly, or frequently calling their friends to ‘check’ on them.
Issues will repeatedly return to haunt you until one of these outcomes occur: you learn to trust each other, or the relationship ends since there’s no room to grow.
10. They’re Regularly Mean To Other People
Were you shocked when your sweet, soft-spoken partner was unreasonably impatient and rude to the waiter?
It’s a definite cause for concern when your partner acts one way towards you, and another towards someone else.
Do they regularly act like Jekyll and Hyde, being kind to you, then turning around and yelling at the driver, the waiter, the person in front of them in line?
If the answer is yes. then you should be worried.
They might simply be putting on a façade to win you over.
11. They’re Passive Aggressive
When your partner is passive aggressive towards you, it means that there is an issue with the two way communication in your relationship.
It’s perfectly fine to be frustrated or upset with each other sometimes; having open communication about it and approaching the problem constructively is a healthy response.
Making back-handed compliments, avoiding direct or clear communication, sarcasm, playing the victim, or holding grudges against one another isn’t going to do anyone any good, and it will be the death of your relationship if it continues.
12. The Timing Isn’t Right
Sometimes, no matter how much you want to be with someone, the timing just won’t allow it.
You might be at different stages in your life and are on different paths for the future. Maybe you’re not ready yet, or you want to put your studies and career first.
Perhaps you’re still getting over an ex.
Whatever the reason may be, if the timing of it all just isn’t in your favor, it might mean the tragic end of your relationship.
Perfection is a myth, so no relationship is perfect, and there are just some things we can’t compromise on.
We often settle for less in a relationship than what we require to have a fulfilling one, so hopefully we’re learning that our time is valuable and will watch out for signs like these ones to treat ourselves better.
Final Thoughts
Have you seen signs like this before? What was the result? How did that result come about? Is there something currently happening that’s similar?
Share your experience in the comments below.
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