There’s a thin line between self-confidence and narcissism. Narcissists don’t just believe they’re great; they make sure everyone else does too and they’re not kind about it.
Psychologically speaking, narcissism is more than just vanity. It’s a deep-seated desire to be admired that often leads to toxic behavior. And this is what eventually makes people turn against them.
In this article, we’ll explore 8 typical things narcissists do that alienate people, as backed by psychology. So let’s dive deeper into the psyche of a narcissist and how it affects their relationships.
1) Constant need for validation
Narcissists are famous for their incessant need for validation and admiration.
Psychologists believe this is due to an underlying sense of insecurity. A narcissist craves constant reassurance of their greatness, often seeking it from the people around them.
Imagine being around someone who’s always fishing for compliments or bragging about their achievements. It can get quite exhausting, can’t it?
This relentless quest for admiration often pushes people away. Friends, family members, and colleagues may begin to distance themselves, finding the narcissist’s behavior off-putting or emotionally draining.
The sad irony is that the very validation that narcissists seek is what often leads to their isolation. It’s a toxic cycle that can make relationships with narcissists extremely challenging.
But remember, understanding this pattern is the first step towards either helping a narcissist or protecting yourself from their toxic behavior.
2) Lack of empathy
Narcissists are often known for their lack of empathy, which is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others.
A few years back, I knew someone who displayed a classic narcissistic behavior – disregarding the feelings and needs of others. Let’s call him John.
John was charismatic and assertive, but he had a blind spot when it came to understanding how his actions affected others. I remember a specific incident where a close friend of ours was going through a tough time. Instead of offering support, John turned the conversation back to himself, oblivious to our friend’s pain.
This lack of empathy made it increasingly difficult for people to connect with John on a deeper level. It created a barrier that eventually led many of us to distance ourselves from him.
Narcissists like John often struggle to maintain meaningful relationships because they fail to show genuine concern for others’ feelings. This disregard for other people’s experiences is one of the key characteristics that can make people turn on narcissists.
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3) Exploitation of others
Narcissists are known for using people as tools to achieve their own ends. This exploitative behavior is closely linked with their lack of empathy and inflated sense of self-importance.
In the world of psychology, there’s actually a term for this – ‘narcissistic supply‘. It refers to the attention, praise, or any form of validation that narcissists demand from others to maintain their high self-esteem.
For example, a narcissist might manipulate a colleague into doing their work for them or charm a romantic partner into constantly praising them. This manipulative behavior is usually driven by the narcissist’s need to feel superior and in control.
Over time, people start to realize they’re being used and begin to distance themselves from the narcissist. This exploitative behavior tends to erode trust and goodwill, making it one of the key reasons why people eventually turn on narcissists.
4) Excessive need for control
A common trait among narcissists is their excessive need to control situations and people around them. This can manifest in various ways, from micromanaging at work to trying to dictate the personal lives of their friends or family members.
The need for control stems from the narcissist’s deep-seated fear of vulnerability. They tend to believe that if they can control everything around them, they can avoid feelings of insecurity or inadequacy.
However, this behavior often leads to tension and conflict. Nobody likes to feel controlled or manipulated, and over time, this can cause resentment and push people away.
In essence, the narcissist’s craving for control can inadvertently create an environment that’s hostile and uninviting, leading others to eventually turn against them.
5) Inability to handle criticism
It’s human nature to feel a sting when we’re criticized. But for narcissists, even the slightest hint of criticism can feel like a personal attack.
This hypersensitivity to criticism is often due to their inflated self-view. Any negative feedback, no matter how constructive, can threaten their self-image and trigger defensiveness.
Imagine trying to communicate an issue or concern to a narcissist. Instead of acknowledging the problem, they may react with anger or even lash out, making an open-hearted conversation difficult.
This inability to accept criticism gracefully not only hinders their personal growth but also strains relationships. Over time, it can cause people around them to walk on eggshells, leading to a tense and uncomfortable atmosphere that eventually pushes people away.
Remember, everyone has room for improvement. It’s the ability to accept our flaws and work on them that helps us grow and maintain healthy relationships. Unfortunately, this is something narcissists often struggle with.
6) Frequent lies and exaggerations
Over the years, I’ve encountered a handful of people who seemed to have a distorted relationship with the truth. They would lie or exaggerate stories to make themselves appear better or more important.
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One such person was a former colleague. She had a habit of creating elaborate stories about her weekends or vacations, painting herself as the protagonist of an exciting, envy-inducing life. Over time, it became clear that these stories were often exaggerated or entirely fabricated.
This pattern of dishonesty, common among narcissists, is usually a ploy to feed their ego and gain admiration. But when the truth inevitably comes out, it can be a harsh wake-up call for those around them.
People value honesty and integrity in their relationships. Consistent lying and exaggeration can erode trust and respect, leading people to eventually turn on narcissists.
7) Sense of entitlement
One of the most distinguishing traits of narcissists is their strong sense of entitlement. They often believe they deserve special treatment and have unrealistic expectations of preferential treatment.
This sense of entitlement can manifest in a variety of ways. It might be a coworker who expects to be praised for their work, regardless of its quality, or a friend who demands your attention and gets upset when they don’t receive it.
The problem with this behavior is that it sets an unrealistic standard for others to meet. Failing to meet these standards can lead to the narcissist reacting with anger or disappointment.
Over time, this sense of entitlement can strain relationships and create resentment among those around the narcissist, making it another reason why people eventually turn on them.
8) Lack of boundaries
The hallmark of a healthy relationship is mutual respect for personal space and boundaries. Unfortunately, this is something narcissists often struggle with.
Narcissists tend to ignore or dismiss the personal boundaries set by others. Whether it’s constantly interrupting during conversations, infringing on personal space, or disrespecting your time, these actions reveal a lack of understanding and respect for personal boundaries.
This behavior can make interactions with a narcissist uncomfortable and exhausting. Over time, it can lead people to distance themselves from the narcissist, seeking relationships that offer mutual respect and understanding.
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