Have you ever encountered someone whose actions leave you wondering if they’re truly unaware of how self-centered they seem?
Maybe it’s a colleague who never shares credit, a friend who always turns conversations back to themselves, or a partner who seems to lack empathy.
At first glance, these behaviors might come across as minor quirks or personality traits, but they can often signal something deeper—an inherent selfishness rooted in their psychology.
Selfishness doesn’t always scream for attention; it often whispers through subtle, everyday behaviors that are easy to miss if you’re not paying close attention.
These behaviors don’t just strain relationships—they reflect how such individuals view the world and their place in it.
In this post, we’ll delve into ten subtle yet revealing signs of inherently selfish people, drawing on psychological insights to uncover why they act the way they do.
Understanding these traits doesn’t just help you identify selfishness in others—it can also empower you to set boundaries and nurture healthier, more fulfilling relationships. Let’s dive in.
1. They Rarely Give Credit Where It’s Due
Have you ever worked tirelessly on a project or contributed significantly to a task, only to have someone else either take all the credit or fail to acknowledge your efforts? It’s frustrating, isn’t it?
This behavior often stems from inherent selfishness, where individuals focus solely on their own achievements while overlooking the contributions of others.
People like this seem to operate under the belief that giving credit to someone else might somehow undermine their own value.
It’s as though they see recognition as a limited resource, one they must hoard to maintain their status.
From a psychological perspective, this behavior can be linked to what Abraham Maslow referred to as “deficiency needs.”
These are basic psychological needs rooted in insecurity—when unmet, they drive individuals to prioritize themselves above all else.
For inherently selfish individuals, their need for validation and acknowledgment often outweighs their willingness to celebrate others.
They may not even realize the damage this causes to relationships, as they’re too preoccupied with their own narrative.
If you’ve ever felt unseen or unappreciated by someone like this, it’s important to remember that their behavior says more about their internal struggles than it does about your worth.
True appreciation builds stronger relationships, but for those rooted in selfishness, this concept can seem out of reach.
2. They Have a Knack for Turning the Conversation Back to Themselves
Think about the last time you were excitedly sharing a personal story, only for the other person to redirect the conversation to their own experiences. It’s disappointing, isn’t it?
This habit of steering conversations back to themselves is a classic trait of inherently selfish people.
Imagine you’re discussing a friend’s recent promotion, only to have someone immediately shift the topic to their career achievements. Why does this happen?
Often, it’s rooted in a deep-seated need for validation.
According to Carl Jung, “The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.” Selfish individuals struggle with self-acceptance and use these conversational pivots to seek constant affirmation.
This behavior shows a lack of genuine interest in others. It’s not just a bad conversational habit—it’s an indication of where their priorities lie.
Instead of engaging and showing empathy, they use interactions as opportunities to affirm their own value.
When you encounter someone like this, it helps to recognize their behavior for what it is: a reflection of their insecurities.
While it’s tempting to feel overshadowed or dismissed, understanding their underlying motivations can help you manage such situations with clarity and compassion.
3. They’re Stingy with Their Time
Have you ever felt like someone is too busy for you, no matter how much you might need their help or support?
Perhaps they always have an excuse or seem unwilling to adjust their schedule for others. This stinginess with time is another subtle but telling sign of inherent selfishness.
For these individuals, time is seen as a finite resource that must be guarded at all costs.
It’s not that they’re always genuinely overwhelmed; rather, they view helping others as a distraction from their own goals.
This behavior is often rooted in a self-centered worldview.
Gordon Allport, a prominent psychologist, observed that many of life’s challenges require adaptability and openness—qualities inherently selfish individuals often lack.
I once had a colleague who epitomized this. Whenever someone asked for assistance, he would claim to be swamped, even if he was just scrolling through his phone.
His time was reserved for tasks that directly benefited him, leaving others to fend for themselves.
If you find yourself dealing with someone like this, remember that their unwillingness to prioritize others is not a reflection of your value.
It’s a limitation in their capacity to connect and invest in relationships. Protect your energy by focusing on people who value and respect your time as much as their own.
4. They’re Quick to Blame Others
Have you ever worked on a group project where one person was always ready to point fingers the moment something went wrong?
It’s frustrating and demoralizing, especially when you know they played a part in the issue. This tendency to shift blame is a hallmark of selfish behavior.
Why do inherently selfish people avoid accountability?
According to Sigmund Freud, one of the foundations of a civilized society is the ability to embrace justice and fairness.
Selfish individuals, however, often lack this sense of justice. For them, preserving their image takes precedence over acknowledging their mistakes.
In their eyes, admitting fault equates to vulnerability—a state they desperately want to avoid. Instead, they externalize blame, pushing responsibility onto others to protect their ego.
I recall a college classmate who would never admit his role in failed group assignments.
Whether it was a missed deadline or poor execution, he was quick to point fingers, ensuring his reputation remained intact.
If you’re dealing with someone like this, it’s essential to set boundaries. While it’s natural to want to defend yourself, their behavior often reflects deeper insecurities and an inability to take ownership.
Protect your peace by focusing on solutions rather than getting drawn into their blame game.
5. They Often Play the Victim
You might think selfish people would always want to project strength and independence, right? Oddly enough, the opposite is often true.
Many inherently selfish individuals are skilled at playing the victim, using this tactic to manipulate others and deflect accountability.
I once knew someone who always seemed to turn every setback into a sob story.
If a disagreement arose, it wasn’t just a misunderstanding—it was a personal attack against them.
This behavior, while frustrating, is deeply rooted in their need for attention and sympathy.
Albert Bandura, a renowned psychologist, emphasized the importance of self-reflection for personal growth.
However, inherently selfish individuals rarely engage in such reflection. Instead, they twist situations to suit their narrative, portraying themselves as victims to avoid addressing their flaws.
If you notice someone who frequently plays the victim, it’s essential to take a step back and see their actions for what they are: a manipulative tactic rooted in selfishness.
6. They Lack Empathy
Empathy is the foundation of meaningful human connections, but for selfish individuals, it’s often glaringly absent.
They struggle—or outright refuse—to see the world from someone else’s perspective because it doesn’t serve their interests.
Have you ever opened up to someone about a difficult situation, only for them to dismiss your feelings or offer a hollow response?
That lack of emotional connection is a clear sign of inherent selfishness.
Carl Rogers, a pioneer in humanistic psychology, described empathy as “a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing.”
Unfortunately, selfish individuals are more focused on themselves, leaving little room for understanding others.
This lack of empathy doesn’t just strain relationships; it highlights their inability to form deep, meaningful connections.
When you’re faced with someone like this, remember that their inability to empathize is a reflection of their priorities—not your worth.
7. They’re Frequently Envious
Have you ever shared good news with someone, only to sense their discomfort or unwillingness to celebrate your success? This frequent envy is another hallmark of selfishness.
Selfish people often view others’ achievements as a threat to their own self-image. Instead of feeling inspired or happy for someone, they become resentful.
Psychologist Alfred Adler noted that envy stems from an internal conflict—it’s easier to criticize others than to confront one’s own shortcomings.
I once had a coworker who couldn’t hide his envy whenever someone else succeeded. If someone got a promotion, he would sulk or find ways to downplay their accomplishment.
It was clear that their happiness somehow made him feel smaller, even though no one’s success diminished his own.
Understanding this can help you protect your joy. Don’t let someone’s envy dampen your achievements—it’s a reflection of their insecurities, not your success.
8. They’re Overly Controlling
For inherently selfish individuals, control is everything. They want things done their way and struggle to compromise, often prioritizing their own needs above everyone else’s.
This made me remember my back then girlfriend who insisted on controlling even the smallest details of our lives—what we ate, where we went, even how I dressed.
At first, it seemed like care and attentiveness, but it quickly became clear that it was all about control.
This controlling behavior often stems from a need to assert dominance and maintain a sense of superiority. For them, compromise feels like losing power, which their ego won’t allow.
If you find yourself dealing with someone like this, it’s important to set firm boundaries. Their need for control isn’t about leadership or care—it’s a reflection of their self-centered mindset.
9. They’re Overly Generous… Conditionally
This one might seem surprising—selfish people can sometimes appear overly generous. However, their generosity often comes with strings attached.
Think about that friend who insists on paying for dinner, only to guilt-trip you later when they need a favor.
Or the colleague who offers help but expects unwavering loyalty in return. This conditional generosity is a subtle but powerful form of manipulation.
As Erich Fromm once said, “True giving is selfless and joyous.” But for selfish individuals, giving is transactional—a means to maintain control or extract something in return.
Recognizing this behavior can help you avoid being manipulated. True generosity doesn’t keep score, so if you feel there’s always a catch, it might be time to reevaluate the relationship.
10. They’re Poor Listeners
Have you ever tried pouring your heart out to someone, only to feel like they weren’t really listening?
They might nod along or offer the occasional “uh-huh,” but their attention seems elsewhere. This lack of active listening is another subtle sign of inherent selfishness.
For selfish individuals, conversations are less about understanding others and more about waiting for their turn to speak. They see listening as unnecessary unless it serves their own interests.
I had a friend who would always be glued to her phone during our conversations.
At first, I thought it was a bad habit, but I later realized it reflected how little she valued what others had to say.
Poor listening not only damages relationships but also highlights their lack of emotional investment.
If someone consistently dismisses your words, it’s a clear sign that their priorities lie elsewhere.
Conclusion
Selfishness often hides in plain sight, expressed through subtle behaviors that can easily be mistaken for quirks or personality traits.
Whether it’s their inability to give credit, their tendency to shift blame, or their conditional generosity, these behaviors reveal how they prioritize their own needs above all else.
Understanding these signs doesn’t just help you identify selfishness in others—it also empowers you to protect your energy and maintain healthier boundaries.
Relationships thrive on mutual respect, empathy, and genuine connection. If you find yourself dealing with inherently selfish individuals, remember: their behavior reflects their inner struggles, not your worth.
Choose to surround yourself with people who uplift, support, and value you for who you are.
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