Relationships are tough. They take work, patience, and a whole lot of understanding.
And if you’ve been feeling like your relationship is on the brink of collapse, you’re not alone.
The good news is that it’s not too late to make things right. But it’s going to take some honest introspection, a few difficult conversations, and a lot of commitment to change.
If you’re truly ready to save your relationship, here are seven steps you must take, starting today.
1. Be Honest With Yourself About Your Primary Intention
Before you even begin to work on the relationship, it’s essential to take a hard look at your intentions.
Why do you want to save this relationship? Are you trying to hold on because you fear being alone? Or is it because you genuinely love your partner and want to grow together?
I’ve seen it time and time again—couples fighting tooth and nail, but not for the same reasons.
One person might be clinging to the relationship out of fear, while the other is more focused on learning how to love better.
You need to ask yourself, “Am I trying to protect myself from rejection or am I willing to learn how to be a better partner?”
When we operate from a place of self-protection, we often use tactics like blame, criticism, or withdrawal.
We think that by controlling the situation, we’ll avoid pain, but in reality, it just drives a wedge between us and our partner.
It’s vital to shift your focus from controlling the outcome to learning how to love better.
Love is not about being right or winning arguments. It’s about mutuality, caring, and sharing.
If your primary intention is self-protection, saving the relationship is going to be difficult.
But if you can shift your focus to learning how to truly connect with your partner, there’s hope.
A relationship can only thrive when both partners are committed to growth.
2. Let Go of the Past
One of the biggest barriers to repairing a relationship is holding on to past grievances.
If you’ve been hurt, it’s natural to want to protect yourself by clinging to the memories of those wrongs. But let me tell you from experience—this is a recipe for disaster.
Holding on to the past doesn’t just hurt your partner, it hurts you.
Every time you rehash an old argument or remind your partner of past mistakes, you’re building a wall between the two of you.
You’re also preventing yourself from healing.
Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting or minimizing what happened.
It means accepting that the past is in the past and deciding to move forward with a clean slate.
When you choose to release old grievances, you make room for new possibilities.
This doesn’t happen overnight, but if you want to save your relationship, it’s a crucial step.
3. Disengage From Conflict When Your Partner Isn’t Open to Learning
I’m going to be straight with you—there’s no point in trying to fix a relationship if one or both of you isn’t willing to learn.
Arguing for the sake of arguing doesn’t help anyone. It’s just exhausting, and it often leads to more hurt feelings.
If you’re ready to learn and grow, but your partner isn’t in that headspace yet, the best thing you can do is disengage from the conflict.
This doesn’t mean giving up. It means taking a step back to figure out how you can take care of yourself in the face of your partner’s resistance.
It’s frustrating when someone you love isn’t open to learning, but you can’t force them to change.
What you can do is model the behavior you want to see. Focus on your own growth, and hopefully, your partner will follow suit.
But remember, you can’t control their journey—only your own.
4. Share About Yourself, Not Your Partner
Here’s a mistake I see all the time—people spending more time analyzing their partner than reflecting on themselves.
It’s easy to point fingers and say, “You did this” or “You need to change that,” but how often do we stop to think about what we
need to work on?
If you want to save your relationship, you need to focus on your own growth.
Start by sharing your feelings and experiences, rather than critiquing your partner’s behavior.
Instead of saying, “You always make me feel like this,” try, “I feel this way when these situations happen.”
By talking about yourself, you’re not only taking responsibility for your emotions, but you’re also making the conversation less confrontational.
This opens the door for real, honest communication rather than defensive arguments.
5. Do the Work to Deal With Your Own Abandonment Issues
Many of us carry fears of abandonment or rejection into our relationships, and these fears can manifest in unhealthy ways.
We might cling too tightly, demand constant reassurance, or even push our partner away out of fear that they’ll eventually leave us.
If you’ve struggled with abandonment issues, it’s crucial to take responsibility for your own healing.
It’s not your partner’s job to constantly reassure you or make you feel secure.
Sure, they can support you, but ultimately, your sense of worth and security has to come from within.
Doing the inner work to address these fears isn’t easy, but it’s necessary if you want to have a healthy relationship.
It might involve therapy, self-reflection, or working through past traumas, but taking these steps will not only improve your relationship—it will improve your overall sense of well-being.
6. Accept That You Have No Control Over Your Partner
This might be one of the hardest truths to accept in any relationship—you cannot control your partner.
No matter how much you love them, you can’t force them to change, to be someone they’re not, or to meet all of your expectations.
What you can do is love and support them as they are.
Learn to appreciate your partner’s uniqueness and let go of the desire to mold them into a version of yourself.
Remember, a healthy relationship is built on respect for each other’s individuality.
Instead of focusing on what your partner isn’t doing or how they’re not meeting your expectations, try shifting your perspective.
What brings your partner joy? What are their strengths? When you support your partner in becoming the best version of themselves, you create a space where love can thrive.
7. Be Kind to Yourself and Your Partner, Even When Your Fears Are Triggered
Finally, one of the most important steps you can take to save your relationship is to practice kindness—both to yourself and to your partner.
Relationships bring up all sorts of fears, from fear of abandonment to fear of failure.
And when those fears are triggered, it’s easy to lash out or retreat.
But in those moments of fear, the best thing you can do is choose kindness.
Be gentle with yourself when you’re feeling insecure or scared.
Remind yourself that it’s okay to have fears, but you don’t need to let them control your behavior.
At the same time, extend that kindness to your partner.
Understand that they have their own fears and insecurities, and that they’re doing their best, even if it doesn’t always seem that way.
When you approach your relationship with kindness and compassion, you create an environment where both you and your partner can heal and grow.
Closing Thoughts
Saving a relationship isn’t easy. It takes a lot of work, a lot of patience, and a lot of love.
But if both you and your partner are willing to put in the effort, it’s possible to turn things around.
Start by being honest with yourself about your intentions.
Let go of the past, focus on your own growth, and learn to accept your partner for who they are. Most importantly, be kind—to yourself and to your partner.
When you approach your relationship with a mindset of learning and compassion, you create the foundation for lasting love.
It won’t happen overnight, and it won’t always be easy. But if you truly want to save your relationship, these seven steps can guide you on the path to healing.
Remember, relationships are about growth—and growth always comes with challenges. But those challenges are what make the journey worthwhile.
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