When it comes to understanding who we are as people, it’s easy to convince ourselves that we’re doing okay.
We strive to be kind, considerate, and to follow our moral compass, believing that we’re fundamentally “good.”
But the truth is, psychology reveals that being a good person goes deeper than just the surface actions we take.
It’s often rooted in our habits, thought patterns, and how we treat those around us, even when no one is watching.
I’ve had my own experiences that made me reflect on what it means to be “good” and where I’ve fallen short.
Maybe, like me, you’ll find yourself in these signs, and if you do, don’t worry—you’re not alone.
This isn’t about shaming ourselves but about learning to grow.
Here are 7 signs, grounded in psychology, that might indicate you’re not as good a person as you think.
These aren’t signs of being evil or bad—they’re just signals that there may be some room for personal development.
1) Lack of Empathy
Empathy is often described as the glue that holds our relationships together.
It’s what allows us to feel connected to others’ emotions, to understand their pain, and to walk in their shoes for a moment.
When we lack empathy, however, we miss the opportunity to truly bond with those around us.
I’ll never forget a period in my life where I realized I wasn’t really tuning into the emotions of those closest to me.
I was so caught up in my own world—my work, my problems, my stress—that I failed to see that a close friend was struggling.
It wasn’t until they finally broke down in tears that I realized how disconnected I had become.
I wasn’t a terrible person, but I had forgotten how to really see others.
Empathy requires us to step outside of ourselves, and when we don’t, it’s easy to become isolated and misunderstand others.
A lack of empathy doesn’t make us bad, but it does make us harder to connect with, and that can lead to strained relationships.
According to psychology, when we consistently struggle to empathize, it could signal an area of our character that needs work.
2) Frequent Lying
Lying is another trait that often creeps up subtly, and before we know it, it becomes second nature.
There’s a huge difference between the occasional white lie—“Your haircut looks amazing!”—and the constant lies we tell to avoid responsibility or make life easier for ourselves.
I used to be someone who would lie often about little things.
I’d say I was stuck in traffic when I was really just running late because I didn’t plan well.
Or I’d make up an excuse about why I couldn’t attend an event when the truth was, I just didn’t feel like going.
At first, these lies seemed harmless. But over time, they began to build up, and people noticed.
It wasn’t until a close colleague called me out on my excuses that I realized I had a problem.
It wasn’t just about avoiding awkward conversations anymore—my integrity was being questioned.
The thing about lying is that it chips away at trust, and once that’s gone, it’s hard to rebuild.
Psychology suggests that frequent lying is a sign that we’re avoiding responsibility and don’t want to confront difficult truths about ourselves.
To become better, we have to learn to own up to our mistakes and be honest—even when it’s uncomfortable.
3) Being Overly Critical
It’s easy to fall into the trap of criticism, especially when things don’t go our way.
Maybe you’ve found yourself constantly pointing out the flaws in others or being the first to highlight a mistake.
While it’s okay to offer constructive criticism, being overly critical is a sign that something deeper might be going on.
I remember going through a phase where I was hypercritical of everyone around me—my friends, my partner, even my coworkers.
If someone made a small mistake, I’d pounce on it. If they didn’t meet my standards, I’d let them know.
What I didn’t realize was that my constant criticism was pushing people away and creating a negative environment.
According to psychological research, those who are overly critical often do so because they feel a lack of control in their own lives.
Criticizing others gives a false sense of superiority. But instead of making us better, it isolates us and drains the positivity from our relationships.
If you find yourself in this cycle, like I did, it might be time to work on embracing a more compassionate outlook.
4) Taking More Than Giving
In any relationship—whether it’s romantic, friendship, or even professional—there’s a balance of give and take. But what happens when we’re always on the receiving end and rarely giving back?
There was a time in my life when I was so focused on my own needs that I forgot about those of the people around me.
My friends would invite me out, help me with problems, and support me when I needed it.
But when they needed me, I was often too busy or too focused on myself to reciprocate.
I didn’t realize that I was slowly creating an imbalance in our relationship.
Psychology tells us that relationships thrive on mutual effort.
If we’re always taking without giving back, it signals a lack of consideration for others.
This doesn’t make us inherently bad, but it shows that we need to work on being more mindful of the needs of those around us.
Relationships should be a two-way street, and it’s important to give as much as we take.
5) Ignoring Boundaries
Boundaries are an essential part of healthy relationships.
They allow people to feel safe, respected, and in control of their own lives.
Ignoring someone’s boundaries, whether intentionally or not, is a clear sign of disrespect.
I once had a friend who went through a tough breakup, and they asked for space. But I, thinking I knew better, kept pushing them to talk about it.
I thought I was helping, but in reality, I was only making things worse.
My inability to respect their need for space created tension in our friendship.
Psychology suggests that respecting boundaries is a fundamental aspect of being a good person.
It’s about recognizing that other people’s needs and feelings are just as important as our own.
Learning to respect boundaries isn’t always easy, but it’s crucial for maintaining healthy and respectful relationships.
6) Constantly Playing the Victim
It’s normal to feel like the victim sometimes, especially when life gets tough.
But if you find yourself constantly blaming others for your problems and refusing to take responsibility for your own actions, it might be a sign that you’re not as good a person as you think.
I used to have a habit of blaming external circumstances for my failures.
If something went wrong at work, it was because my boss didn’t give me enough support.
If I had a falling out with a friend, it was because they didn’t understand me.
But eventually, I had to face the truth: I was playing the victim to avoid taking responsibility for my own shortcomings.
According to psychological theories, the victim mentality can prevent personal growth and damage relationships.
When we constantly see ourselves as the victim, we fail to learn from our mistakes and instead place the blame on others.
To become better people, we need to take ownership of our lives and learn from our experiences.
7) Lack of Self-Awareness
Perhaps the most telling sign that you’re not as good a person as you think is a lack of self-awareness.
Self-awareness is the ability to see ourselves clearly, to understand our thoughts, feelings, and actions, and to recognize how we affect those around us.
Without self-awareness, it’s impossible to grow. We repeat harmful patterns and behaviors without realizing their impact on others.
I’ve had moments in my life where I lacked self-awareness, and it led to strained relationships and missed opportunities for personal growth.
Psychology emphasizes the importance of self-awareness as a foundation for emotional intelligence and personal development.
If we want to be better people, we have to start by looking inward and understanding ourselves.
Conclusion
Recognizing these signs in ourselves can be difficult, but it’s the first step toward personal growth.
None of us are perfect, and we all have room for improvement.
The key is to acknowledge where we fall short and make a conscious effort to become better.
For me, it was a journey of learning to be more empathetic, more honest, and more self-aware.
I had to face the uncomfortable truth that I wasn’t always the person I wanted to be. But through self-reflection and personal development, I’ve been able to grow into a better version of myself.
If you see yourself in any of these signs, don’t be discouraged.
Instead, take it as an opportunity to grow and improve. After all, being a good person isn’t about being perfect—it’s about constantly striving to be better.
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