When someone asks you how you are, what do you say? Do you brush off your emotions and simply say, I’m fine?
It may feel difficult to talk to others about what you’re going through because you’re tired, nervous, or don’t know quite how to explain what you’re feeling.
Maybe you’d feel like others wouldn’t understand you, or that you’d feel like a burden.
But really the best release could be talking to a loved one or a counselor about what you’re going through.
They’re there to support you and listen, and expressing what’s really going on beneath the surface may let you release these emotions and feel a bit better.
In this blog post, we want you to know that it’s okay to say I’m not fine when you’re feeling low.
For some, it may be hard to recognize they feel this way.
So to help you recognize what you’re feeling, here are seven signs you’re not actually fine.
If you are someone you know is struggling, please reach out to a mental health professional. Let’s begin.
1. You withdraw from most situations and isolate
Do you often find yourself going to a room when you feel an onset of sadness, or perhaps lately you’ve isolated yourself from your family or friends, and not because of quarantine.
Isolation can be a sign something more is going on with your mental health.
Well, it’s good to distance yourself from unnecessary conflicts and take a breather every once in a while.
Too much isolation could be a warning sign of depression.
Withdrawing from fun activities and not socializing with family and friends can possibly lead to loneliness and overthinking.
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If you find yourself wanting to be alone too often, and think it may be leading to something more serious, just try calling a friend up to chat on the phone, or plan an activity with your family, or go for a walk to get outside of your room.
If the problem persists, you may want to talk to a counselor or therapist to discuss the issue.
2. You sleep too much or not enough
How much sleep do you get? Do you often sleep in for far too many unhealthy hours, or do you hardly get any sleep?
Have you been suffering from insomnia? This could be a sign that there may be some emotional distress going on in your life that may prevent you from getting a healthy amount of sleep.
According to Charles Goodstein, MD, clinical professor of psychiatry at NYU Medical Center, if you have recurring disturbances of sleep more than once or twice a week, and there are no physical reasons your doctor can identify, your problem may be linked to a psychological problem.
Most commonly, anxiety or depression.
If you can’t get enough sleep and think it may be due to the current state of your mental health, talking to a counselor or therapist can help.
3. You don’t enjoy happy events, even the big ones
Have you not been feeling your normal self, even at big events that usually make you happy?
Maybe you feel depressed or nervous, or maybe you feel nothing at all.
You don’t know what you’re feeling, because there doesn’t seem to be a strong emotion.
You may feel a bit happy, but you notice your emotions during these big events don’t seem as strong as others.
You feel a fraction of the feelings others seem to feel when you experience the same accomplishments or celebrations.
You just don’t feel like your old self anymore.
This can be a sign that you’re experiencing emotional numbness, depression, or that you’re emotionally unwell.
4. You often have suicidal thoughts that can come out of nowhere
Have you been experiencing suicidal thoughts? Suicidal thoughts can reveal that you’re experiencing more pain than you can deal with in the current moment.
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But suicide is permanent. And these moments don’t last forever. Suicide is never the answer. And there are resources out there.
There are people there who want to help you and want to listen.
If you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, it’s important to seek help and let a counselor or a loved one know that you’re feeling this way.
They can help you on your path to feeling better by providing you with the resources you may need to get through this difficult time.
5. You tell yourself you’re fine, even when you’re not.
You often tell yourself I’m fine, I’m fine, even when you’re not fine.
Do you ignore any negative or conflicting feelings?
Suppressing emotions may seem like a quick fix to a big problem, but it could actually lead to further distress in the future.
Even over something seemingly unimportant, let’s say you suppress the anger you have over a relationship ending or a stressful routine at work.
If you don’t deal with the problems, they can affect you in the long run.
Something as small as forgetting to buy the milk on your grocery list can lead to an explosive fight that will cover more than just your grocery shopping.
What’s wise is denying these feelings to those who ask how you are. And most importantly, denying them to yourself.
Instead of self-denial, take a breath, relax, and try to go through the problems you’re facing in a comfortable space.
Feel the feelings as they happen, rather than later.
This doesn’t mean you should let it consume you, but these emotions are valid and should have time in your day to be sorted through and resolved.
6. You don’t like who you are, and let your insecurities get the best of you
Everyone has insecurities. It’s a normal part of being human.
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But if you’re constantly thinking of your flaws and how others might judge you, it can be the beginning of a very unhealthy habit.
Even if you want to change yourself for the better and improve yourself, you shouldn’t beat yourself up over it.
It’s a great goal to try to improve yourself in many ways. But telling yourself that these goals are the only thing that can make you happy is a recipe for disaster.
Because even if you do accomplish the goals you’re striving for, the added weight and importance you place on them can make the great feeling of achievement of accomplishing your goals, not all you thought it would be in your mind.
We tend to build things up in our heads, and that’s the reality we tend to strive for.
But maybe the life in your head isn’t all you thought it would be.
When you finally reach the mountain top and take a look at your long-awaited vista, there’s always a time when you’ll have to start the long track back down, because not every moment will feel as high as the mountain tops, and that’s normal.
The point is to keep moving forward on your path, on your journey. Look at me making metaphors.
7. You aren’t living your life, you’re surviving
Every situation is different, but if you find yourself just getting through your day at work, just getting through to the weekend, just making it to the end of the week, well, congratulations, you’re surviving.
That can take a lot of work for some.
But it’s important to keep going and make the best of every situation.
But if making it to the weekend is all you look forward to, maybe it’s time to re-evaluate.
Not everyone loves their work or school, and it’s normal to wish for the weekend.
But try to ask yourself what you really want to do, whether it’s a lifelong dream you can work towards achieving or taking up a new hobby like playing the guitar.
Try taking the steps to add some life into, well, your life.
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Take a dance class, reconnect with old friends, go on a road trip or call your mom.
Add some spice to your life’s recipe book and begin to enjoy what it is that keeps you going.
We can’t only run on tofu. There I go with the metaphors again.
If you don’t take time to enjoy the moments in your life and live in the moment, it may pass you by.
As a wise fictional teenager once said, life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. It was Ferris Bueller, for you, youngsters.
So do you have any of these signs? If you do, it’s best to seek out help from a mental health professional.
Feel free to express your thoughts in the comments below and share any helpful coping tips.
Know that it truly does get better. Many people who’ve experienced suicidal thoughts and survived have felt thankful that they’re alive later on.
With some hope, time and help from others, you can go back to feeling more than fine. You soon may be feeling great.
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