I once stuck in relationships where I kept asking myself, “Is this really the person I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life with?”
It’s tough to grapple with those feelings, especially when the person you’re with seems like a great catch on paper.
But deep down, something feels off.
The signs that someone is not your soulmate can be subtle at first, but over time, they become harder to ignore.
Here are 10 red flags that, according to psychology, indicate you might be with the wrong person.
1. No Matter How Much You Try, You Can’t Trust Them
Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship.
If you find yourself constantly questioning your partner’s motives, their actions, or the things they tell you, something isn’t right.
I remember dating someone who would go days without responding to my texts, leaving me feeling insecure and unsure about where we stood.
I’d find myself playing detective, trying to piece together where he was and what he was doing.
If you’re always on high alert, trying to figure out if they’re being honest, it’s exhausting.
Relationships aren’t supposed to feel like a constant investigation.
A soulmate should bring peace to your life, not make you feel like you need to put on a detective hat every time they leave the room.
It’s not just me saying this—science backs it up.
Research from Eastern Illinois University has shown that trust is a non-negotiable in any long-term relationship.
Without it, you’re not building something solid.
Instead, you’re stacking cards on a shaky foundation, and eventually, that house will come crashing down.
2. You Don’t Have Good Communication
Good communication is the heartbeat of a relationship.
If you and your partner struggle to communicate, whether it’s through constant misunderstandings or passive-aggressive comments, it’s a serious red flag.
I once dated someone who seemed to understand the importance of communication but never followed through.
We would have long talks about how we needed to communicate better, but then, just days later, he’d be back to shutting down emotionally or starting arguments over trivial things.
When you can’t express your needs or concerns without it turning into a fight, that’s a problem.
A soulmate won’t just understand the need for communication—they’ll make the effort to ensure that both of you are heard and understood.
If your partner is consistently unwilling to work on this, it may be time to rethink the relationship.
Psychology tells us that communication is key to building intimacy and trust, so without it, you’re swimming upstream.
3. You Just Don’t Connect At A Deep Emotional Level
Surface-level connections might work for a while, but eventually, the lack of emotional depth will leave you feeling unfulfilled.
Have been in relationships where you could talk for hours about trivial things like movies or the latest trends, but when it came to deeper topics—our fears, dreams, or life goals—there was nothing.
A soulmate isn’t just someone who clicks with you on a fun, lighthearted level; they’re someone who wants to understand who you are at your core.
They care about what drives you, what keeps you up at night, and what your long-term goals are.
If your partner avoids or brushes off those deep conversations, it might be a sign that they aren’t fully invested.
True emotional intimacy is a cornerstone of a soulmate connection.
4. You’re Uncomfortable Being Yourself When You’re Around Them
One of the most telling signs someone isn’t your soulmate is when you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around them.
I’ve been in relationships where I found myself constantly second-guessing my words and actions, afraid that I might trigger an argument or make them upset. That’s not love—that’s anxiety.
A soulmate should make you feel like you can be your authentic self, flaws and all.
They won’t make you feel judged or unworthy.
If you feel anxious or stressed around your partner more often than you feel happy or content, that’s a huge red flag.
According to research from the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, feeling truly known and accepted by your partner is one of the most important factors in a healthy relationship.
If your partner makes you feel like you need to change who you are just to keep them happy, they aren’t your soulmate.
5. Your Relationship Lacks Common Values
We’ve all heard the phrase, “Opposites attract,” and while that may be true in some cases, it’s important to share common values in a long-term relationship.
I once dated someone who had very different ideas about family, finances, and life goals.
At first, I thought we could make it work, but over time, those differences became major stumbling blocks.
If you and your partner have opposing values on things that matter—like how you want to raise children, how you view money, or what you believe in spiritually—it’s going to be difficult to build a future together.
A soulmate will share your basic vision for life, even if they don’t agree with you on every little thing.
6. You No Longer Have Fun With Them
One of the most painful signs that someone isn’t your soulmate is when the fun and joy have disappeared from the relationship.
In the beginning, everything is exciting, and even the simplest activities feel special.
But as time goes on, if your partner stops putting in the effort to have fun and keep the relationship fresh, it’s a bad sign.
I’ve been with people who, after the honeymoon phase, seemed to lose interest in spending quality time together.
They became complacent, preferring to stay in and watch TV rather than planning a fun date night or doing something new.
If the spark is gone, and you’re not enjoying your time together anymore, it’s a sign that something deeper is missing.
7. He Doesn’t Enhance Your Life
One of the most beautiful things about finding a soulmate is that they help you grow.
They push you to be a better version of yourself and introduce you to new ideas, experiences, and ways of thinking.
A soulmate enhances your life, making it richer and more fulfilling.
If your partner isn’t bringing anything positive into your life—if they’re not helping you grow, supporting your dreams, or making you feel like a better person—then they may not be the right person for you.
A relationship should add to your life, not detract from it.
8. You Are Complete Opposites But Not The Kind That Attracts
It’s true that opposites can sometimes attract, but there are certain fundamental differences that can be hard to overcome.
If you and your partner are polar opposites on things that matter—like lifestyle, interests, or life goals—it can create tension in the relationship.
For example, I once dated someone who loved staying indoors, while I craved adventure and being outdoors.
Over time, our differences became more pronounced, and we struggled to find common ground.
A soulmate doesn’t have to be exactly like you, but they should complement you in a way that feels balanced and harmonious.
9. You Can Picture Yourself With Other People
It’s normal to find other people attractive from time to time, but if you’re actively fantasizing about being with someone else or wishing you were single, that’s a big red flag.
I’ve been in relationships where I found myself daydreaming about what life would be like with someone else, and it was a clear sign that my heart wasn’t fully in the relationship.
If you can picture yourself with someone else and the thought doesn’t make you sad or anxious, it’s time to reevaluate the relationship.
A soulmate is someone you can’t imagine living without, and the thought of losing them should be heartbreaking.
10. You Feel It In Your Gut
Lastly, trust your gut. If something feels off, it probably is.
I’ve ignored my intuition in the past, convincing myself that the relationship would get better or that I was just being too picky.
But in the end, my gut was always right.
If you have a nagging feeling that your partner isn’t the right person for you, listen to it.
Your intuition is a powerful tool, and it can help guide you toward the relationship you deserve.
In conclusion, if you notice any of these signs in your relationship, it’s important to take a step back and assess whether this person is truly your soulmate.
It’s not easy to admit that someone you care about may not be the right fit, but it’s better to be honest with yourself now than to stay in a relationship that doesn’t fulfill you.
Trust your intuition, prioritize your happiness, and don’t settle for anything less than the deep, meaningful connection you deserve.
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