When you hear that someone is an empath, you may think it’s a good thing. They have a great sense of what others are feeling or thinking and they have a great deal of empathy as well.
But what if someone possessed cognitive empathy and displayed traits of a dark personality type? Would they use your feelings against you? Know exactly how to behave to appear kind and normal while hiding their true intentions?
Well, a dark empath may just do all these. A study by Heym and associates found that out of a group of 991 participants, 19.3% were dark empaths.
Those with dark personality types are thought to be so based on their rank of dark triad personality traits and lack of empathy.
The dark triad is a term used to group three malevolent personality traits in psychology.
The dark triad comprises the traits of Machiavellianism, narcissism and psychopathy.
Dark triad personality types rank high in the three dark traits, while low in empathy. While empaths are ranked low in dark traits and of course, high in empathy.
But a dark empath ranks high in both dark triad traits and empathy. But just because you display empathy doesn’t mean you share other feelings emotionally. That is effective empathy.
Dark empaths often use cognitive empathy to their advantage, meaning they know what it is you want and feel but dark empaths may use it against you.
So to help you recognize if you’re being manipulated by someone who has both cognitive empathy and malevolent traits, here are five signs of a dark empath.
1. Their kindness often feels fake
Your partner cuddles with you after a romantic evening with you.
They say comforting words when you’re worried and they compliment you at seemingly the right time but you can’t shake this feeling that something is off.
Something doesn’t feel sincere about it at all.
In fact, they sound a bit forced or fake with certain actions. So what’s going on?
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Dark empaths know what to say and how they should act to appear as if they’re the perfect partner.
So they may sound a bit forced when they pay you certain compliments or go forward with certain actions.
It’s important to look out for dark triad traits and other signs before jumping to the conclusion that they’re a dark empath because they may just be a people pleaser.
2. They guilt trip you
In the study from Heym and associates, dark empaths displayed higher indirect aggression than your average person.
This was especially true in guilt tripping tactics.
If you notice your partner often uses guilt as a means of getting you to do what they want, this may be the first sign that they’re a dark empath.
3. Extroversion with a Twist
Psychopathic personalities tend to be introverted and self-centered.
They don’t typically enjoy social situations unless there’s an advantage to be gained, but dark empaths approach social situations much differently.
According to a 2017 survey, dark empaths are significantly more likely to be extroverted and socially acclimated.
They typically have big groups of friends, possess good social skills, and display comfort in various social settings.
In other words, they enjoy interacting with people and blend seamlessly into their surroundings, which makes them all the more dangerous.
4. Narcissistic Grandiosity
Do you know someone who thinks a little too highly of themselves? Self-absorption and grandiosity are common traits among most dark personalities.
However, dark empaths are especially susceptible to distorted visions of themselves.
For instance, a dark empath may dramatize their traumas to pull on the heartstrings of the people around them.
Perhaps they overestimate their charm and charisma or perceive themselves as more inspiring or attractive than they are.
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Instead of channeling their narcissism into acts of violence, dark empaths feed on social hierarchies and self-serving bonds — anything satisfies their cravings for attention and praise.
5. Paying Your Debts
In some cases, dark empaths can be especially tricky to separate from normal, empathetic people.
Despite their narcissism and manipulative extroversion, dark empaths pay close attention to the needs and circumstances of other people.
In fact, many dark empaths make surprising sacrifices or thoughtful favors for their friends and partners.
This behavior is very unusual for other dark personalities.
A psychopath or narcissist would never make a sacrifice unless they got something more significant in return.
But dark empaths are interested in a different kind of exchange.
While they appear to be kind and considerate individuals, their sacrifices are designed to gain control over you.
For example, a dark empath may do you a favor, but they’re only doing this favor to create a feeling of debt and guilt.
Dark empaths understand precisely how sacrifices affect peoples’ emotions, so don’t be fooled by their acts of kindness.
6. The Dark Side of Humor
Humor is a powerful tool used by dark empaths to disguise their manipulative tactics.
They often present as lighthearted, funny, and effortlessly charming people, but they subtly use humor to attack others and destroy threats in their social sphere.
For example, a dark empath may recognize another strong personality in their friend group.
They may feel envious of the attention this person receives, so they use underhanded jokes to trash their reputation or damage their self-esteem.
They claim they’re just joking, but their malicious sense of humor is designed to bring people down.
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7. Perverse Satisfaction
Do you know someone who enjoys stirring up conflict? Many dark empaths gain satisfaction by driving others into miserable situations.
Let’s say you turn to a dark empath for advice. They may pretend to support and encourage you, but their advice will drive you deeper into conflict and frustration.
In other words, dark empaths take pleasure in toying with the emotions of others.
They give bad advice, stir up conflict, and play both sides. They gossip about their friends and subtly intimidate their enemies. Ultimately, these personalities thrive in highly emotional, conflict-driven situations.
They have an uncanny ability to manipulate the emotions of others, and that makes dark empaths the most dangerous personality type.
8. A Different Kind of Narcissist
One personality trait that separates dark empaths from traditional narcissists is their tendency to criticize themselves.
Narcissists are poor judges of their strengths and weaknesses.
They consistently overestimate their worth and exaggerate their accomplishments because they believe they are superior to everyone else.
On the other hand, dark empaths present a confident exterior, but deep down, they are intensely critical of themselves.
Their surface-level grandiosity is consistently undermined by self-doubt and self-effacing behavior, often to the point of cruelty and abuse.
As a result, their self-esteem may fluctuate wildly between public and private settings. In social situations, dark empaths exaggerate their personas and confidently navigate social expectations.
However, in private, their confidence crumbles, and they become cruel and critical.
If your friend or partner alternates between effortless confidence and alarmingly self-criticism, you may be close to someone with the most dangerous personality type.
9. Cognitive Separation
While dark empaths score higher on measures of empathy, they don’t necessarily care about other people’s emotions.
A true empath identifies how others feel and sympathizes with their joys and sorrows.
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A dark empath, on the other hand, keeps their emotional distance. They act like your best friend and your closest confidante, but a dark empath doesn’t actually care about you or your feelings.
They are emotionally disconnected from everyone in their lives, often as a form of social strategy and self-defense.
The more disconnected this person feels, the less painful it becomes to manipulate other people’s emotions.
So, don’t be fooled by their kindness and emotional intelligence. It may feel like this person is on your side, but as soon as they see an opportunity… a dark empath will put their needs far in front of your own.
10. The Dark Saboteur
When they identify a social advantage, a dark empath goes to great lengths to put themselves in a comfortable position.
This is especially true when you introduce these toxic people to your friends and family.
Let’s say you are dating someone with this dangerous personality type.
You’ve been dating for several months, so you decide to introduce your partner to your circle of friends.
A dark empath will work tirelessly to gain their trust and blend seamlessly into their lives.
They may change their personalities to earn their approval and learn their secrets.
If you have a dark empath in your life, they may try to infiltrate your social circle and, in some cases… push you out of it.
If a dark empath sees you as a threat, they won’t hesitate to damage your reputation and sabotage your relationships from the inside out.
11. Casual Deception
Many manipulative tactics revolve around some form of dishonesty.
Dark empaths will bend the truth, twist people’s words, and omit information to influence your emotions and behavior.
Let’s say, for example, that you find someone attractive, but you’re unsure if this person likes you back.
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So, you talk to a friend who happens to be a dark empath. You express your feelings for this person, but your friend has a hidden agenda.
They don’t want you to give attention or affection to anyone else, so they casually slip lies into the conversation.
They might say, “I think they’re already seeing someone,” or “I don’t think they will make you happy.”
A dark empath understands the effect these comments have on your confidence and motivation.
After hearing these things, you may change your mind. You may cling to your friend because they feel like the only person on your side.
12. Starving for Affection
Dark empaths understand the positive influence of physical and emotional intimacy.
They know how love, praise, and attention affect your self-esteem and confidence, so they flood their friends and partners with intimacy and positivity.
They’re constantly supportive and affectionate, and they rapidly develop depth and meaning in your relationship. But their overwhelming affection rarely ever lasts.
For several weeks or months, this person may be glued to your side… until one day they start acting like strangers.
Out of nowhere, they take away all the attention and praise you learned to love.
Why? Because they expect you to come begging for more.
It’s a cruel tactic and a malicious means of expressing love in any friendship or relationship. But it’s one common way dark empaths create the toxic and lopsided relationships they constantly crave.
13. They manipulate you
Dark empaths often will use their insight into cognitive empathy as a means of manipulating others.
Since they are aware of what you might be feeling or thinking, they know exactly how to use your emotions against you.
They may have no boundaries and only focus on fulfilling their needs.
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If you notice at the end of every argument or discussion that only their needs are met, they may be manipulating you.
14. They spread rumors
Those who have the dark triad trait of Machiavellianism often enjoy deceiving, manipulating and exploiting others in order to achieve their own needs and desires.
Dark empaths have an easy way of manipulating others by narrowing in on their feelings and weaknesses.
They may spread rumors about what they’ve sensed you’re most insecure about or vulnerable about.
They know exactly how to hurt you because they have the ability to understand what it is you’re feeling on a cognitive level.
They simply need to understand what it is that hurts you, and spread gossip and rumors focused on that to get exactly what they want.
So have you met a dark empath? Do you know someone who shows these signs?
Which one jumps out at you? What will you do next? Let us know in the comments below.
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