Bullying, especially during the tender ages of 10–14, can leave lasting impressions.
These experiences can subtly shape our behaviors and habits in ways we often don’t notice as we grow older.
Interestingly, there’s a common thread in the habits developed by people who’ve been bullied during these formative years.
This isn’t about casting blame or dwelling on the past, but about understanding these patterns so that we can work through them.
In this article, I’ll share seven habits often developed by those who experienced bullying between ages 10-14.
By recognizing these habits, you might find a clearer path towards personal growth and improved communication:
1) Over-apologizing
Bullying can often lead to a heightened sense of guilt and responsibility in individuals.
This, in turn, can result in the habit of excessive apologizing.
Think back to those times at school.
When you’re constantly picked on, it’s not uncommon to start believing that you’re always in the wrong.
This belief can persist and manifest itself as an unconscious habit of saying “sorry” even when it’s unwarranted.
It’s like a defensive mechanism.
You apologize before anyone has the chance to accuse or blame you, hoping to avoid conflict or further bullying.
There’s a difference between being respectful and being overly apologetic.
Recognizing this habit can be the first step towards reasserting your self-worth and communicating more effectively.
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2) Perfectionism
When you’ve been bullied, it’s easy to fall into the trap of trying to be perfect.
I know this because I’ve been there: I was bullied at school when I was around 12 years old.
To try and avoid the bullies’ attention, I started striving for perfection in everything I did.
I thought if I could be perfect, then maybe the bullying would stop.
This didn’t just end at school.
It followed me into adulthood and influenced my work ethic and relationships.
I found myself double-checking everything, putting immense pressure on myself to never make a mistake, to always meet every deadline and exceed every expectation.
It took a while for me to realize that this pressure stemmed from those early experiences of bullying.
Once I did, I was able to start addressing this habit of perfectionism and learning to accept that it’s okay not to be perfect all the time.
3) Difficulty in trusting others
People who’ve experienced bullying during their early years often find it challenging to trust others later in life.
This isn’t surprising when you consider that trust, once broken, can be incredibly hard to rebuild.
Children who experience peer victimization were more likely to have trust issues in adulthood.
These trust issues often extend beyond personal relationships and can affect professional relationships as well.
Overcoming this habit involves consciously acknowledging the impact of past experiences on your ability to trust and working actively towards building healthy relationships based on mutual respect and understanding.
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4) Avoidance of conflict
For those who’ve been through the harrowing experience of bullying, conflict can be a major trigger.
It’s common for such individuals to develop a habit of avoiding conflict at all costs.
This might seem like a coping mechanism at first, a way to steer clear of potential harm.
But in the long run, it hampers effective communication and problem-solving.
Being overly conflict-avoidant can lead to suppressed emotions and unresolved issues.
Recognizing this habit can be crucial to learning how to navigate disagreements in a healthy and constructive manner.
5) Struggling with self-esteem
It’s no secret that bullying can significantly impact a person’s self-esteem.
I remember days when I would look in the mirror and struggle to find anything positive to say about myself.
This struggle extended into adulthood, subtly influencing my decisions and interactions.
It took me a while to realize that these feelings of inadequacy were not reflective of who I truly was, but were remnants of the bullying I had experienced.
Rebuilding self-esteem is a journey.
It involves acknowledging these feelings, understanding their roots, and gradually replacing negative self-talk with positive affirmations.
6) Overthinking
When you’ve been a target of bullying, it’s common to develop a habit of overthinking.
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Your mind often goes into overdrive, analyzing every situation, every dialogue, and every action.
This constant cycle of overthinking can foster anxiety and prevent you from enjoying the present moment.
You might find yourself constantly worried about what people think of you, or about making mistakes.
Being aware of this habit is the first step towards managing it.
Simple mindfulness exercises can help in breaking this cycle and bringing your focus back to the present moment.
7) Fear of standing out
Perhaps one of the most profound impacts of bullying is the fear of standing out.
Many people who’ve been bullied in their early years find themselves trying to blend in, to not draw attention, and to avoid any potential criticism or ridicule.
But it’s essential to realize that everyone has unique qualities that deserve to be celebrated.
Don’t let past experiences hinder your self-expression.
Embrace your individuality and let your true self shine through.
Final thought: The power of understanding
While these habits borne out of bullying experiences can be challenging, recognizing them is a significant first step towards healing and growth.
It’s vital to remember that these habits are not indicative of personal failures, but are manifestations of past experiences that have left their mark.
Awareness paves the way for change.
So, if you find yourself identifying with these habits, take a moment to acknowledge how far you’ve come.
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The past may have shaped you, but it doesn’t define you.
You’re a survivor, resilient and capable of change.
In this understanding, there lies power—the power to transform habits, the power to heal, and the power to redefine your future.
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