I’ve always believed in the power of transformation.
It’s remarkable how our behaviors and mindsets can shift once we decide to break away from patterns that no longer serve us. This is particularly true for those who used to be chronic people-pleasers.
You see, being a people-pleaser isn’t always a bad thing. It speaks of empathy, consideration for others, and a strong desire to keep harmony. But when pleasing others starts to compromise our own happiness and well-being, it’s a signal that we need to make a change.
Take it from someone who’s been there. I used to be a chronic people-pleaser myself until I realized that I was losing my own identity in the process. So, I made a conscious decision to break the pattern.
And guess what?
I started exhibiting certain behaviors that were distinctive – healthy signs of personal growth. If you’ve also chosen to step away from being a people-pleaser, you might find these behaviors familiar.
In this article, I’m going to share with you 7 distinctive behaviors that people like us, who used to be chronic people-pleasers but broke the pattern, tend to display.
1) They start setting boundaries
Here’s the thing about people-pleasers: they often have a hard time saying “no”. But once they decide to break this pattern, a significant change occurs.
They start setting boundaries.
This doesn’t imply that they become selfish or uncaring. On the contrary, they still care deeply about others. But they also understand the importance of caring for themselves.
Creating and maintaining boundaries is a healthy practice, one that shows respect for our own needs and feelings. It’s about communicating what we can offer to others without compromising our well-being.
This shift in behavior may feel uncomfortable at first, especially if you’re used to accommodating everyone else’s needs before your own. But trust me, it’s a crucial step towards achieving balance in your relationships.
2) They start prioritizing their own needs
I remember how I used to sacrifice my own needs and wants just to make others happy. Whether it was staying late at a gathering even when I was exhausted, or agreeing to tasks I didn’t have time for, I constantly put myself last.
But one day, I decided enough was enough.
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I began prioritizing my own needs. If I was tired, I started to excuse myself early from social gatherings. If my plate was already full, I learned to decline additional tasks. It wasn’t easy at first, and there were times when guilt crept in.
But over time, I realized something profound: taking care of my own needs wasn’t selfish. It was necessary for my overall well-being.
You see, prioritizing your own needs doesn’t mean neglecting others. It’s about striking a balance between meeting your needs and being there for others. This shift in behavior is not just liberating, it’s also essential for maintaining our mental and emotional health.
3) They embrace their authenticity
As a people-pleaser, it’s all too easy to lose yourself in the process of trying to be everything to everyone. You might find yourself constantly adapting your behavior, opinions, or even your appearance to fit into what you believe others expect or want from you.
But when you break free from that pattern, something magical happens. You start embracing your authenticity.
I won’t sugarcoat it. This isn’t an overnight change. It’s a gradual process of self-awareness and acceptance that can be both liberating and painfully introspective. You start peeling back the layers of pretense and get to the core of who you truly are, without the influence of others’ expectations.
It’s about discovering your own likes, dislikes, passions, and beliefs that aren’t shaped by the desire to please others. And then standing by them, even if they don’t align with what others want or expect from you.
This journey towards authenticity may be riddled with moments of self-doubt, but I assure you, it’s worth it. There’s something incredibly empowering about being true to yourself and living life on your own terms.
4) They learn to let go of guilt
Guilt. It’s a feeling that people-pleasers know all too well. The guilt of saying no, the guilt of not meeting expectations, the guilt of not being there for everyone all the time.
But when you start breaking away from the people-pleasing pattern, you begin to understand that this guilt is unnecessary and self-imposed.
Letting go of guilt doesn’t happen instantly. It’s a conscious process that requires self-compassion and understanding. You start acknowledging that you have every right to prioritize yourself, to set boundaries, and to express your authentic self.
In my own journey, I found that letting go of guilt was like unloading a heavy backpack I didn’t even realize I was carrying. Suddenly, I felt lighter and freer.
Remember, you’re not responsible for everyone else’s happiness. It’s okay to say no when you need to. It’s okay to put yourself first. And it’s absolutely okay to let go of any guilt associated with these actions.
5) They become more assertive
Assertiveness is a skill that tends to develop naturally as you break away from the people-pleasing pattern.
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Interestingly, psychological studies have shown a positive correlation between assertiveness and overall well-being.
When you become assertive, you learn to express your thoughts, feelings, and needs in a respectful yet confident manner. You develop the ability to stand up for yourself without being aggressive or disregarding the feelings of others.
In my case, becoming assertive was a game-changer. I learned to communicate more effectively, negotiate for what I needed, and handle conflicts in a healthier way. It wasn’t just about saying “no” to others, but also saying “yes” to myself.
Being assertive doesn’t mean you disregard the feelings of others. It’s about finding a balance between your rights and those of others. It’s about speaking up for yourself while still maintaining respect for others.
6) They develop a deeper understanding for others
When you’re caught up in people-pleasing, it’s easy to misinterpret other people’s actions and intentions. You might take things personally or feel responsible for their emotions.
But as you break away from this pattern, you start to develop a deeper understanding of others. You begin to realize that everyone, just like you, has their own struggles, insecurities, and challenges.
Through my own journey, I found a newfound empathy for others. I started to see that everyone is trying their best, based on their own experiences and circumstances. It allowed me to let go of resentment and unrealistic expectations I had of others.
This understanding doesn’t mean you excuse poor behavior or allow yourself to be mistreated. But it does mean you can navigate relationships with more compassion and less judgment.
7) They cultivate self-love
Transitioning from a chronic people-pleaser to a self-respecting individual is a journey of self-discovery and growth. But the most significant shift, the one that truly anchors all the others, is the cultivation of self-love.
Self-love isn’t about being selfish or narcissistic. It’s about respecting yourself, honoring your feelings, and acknowledging your worth. It’s about making choices that align with your well-being and happiness.
As you nurture self-love, you start to understand that you deserve the same kindness and respect you give to others. You realize that your value isn’t determined by how much you do for others, but by who you are as a person.
Cultivating self-love is an ongoing journey, not a destination. It’s a daily practice of kindness and compassion towards yourself.
Embrace it. Nurture it. Because you, my friend, are worth it.
Wrapping it up
Should you see yourself in these behaviors, know that you’re on an empowering journey. You’re transitioning from being a chronic people-pleaser to a person who values and respects themselves just as much as they do others.
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Remember, it’s not about becoming selfish or disregarding others, but about finding a balance that ensures your well-being isn’t compromised.
It’s a process, and it’s okay to take your time. Embrace the journey with patience and kindness towards yourself.
In the wise words of Buddha, “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” This journey is about recognizing and embracing this truth.
So keep going. Celebrate your progress. And remember, stepping away from people-pleasing doesn’t mean you care any less about others. It simply means you’ve learned to care about yourself too.
And that is a transformation worth applauding.
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