You know if I was younger, I would start my own business, but I’m already too old to try new things.
I can’t get that job; I need a diploma, and I don’t have any.
I always wanted to create my side business, but unfortunately, I don’t have time.
Of course, they chose him instead of me; he was the smartest kid in our school.
You know, I studied in a small village, and education was awfully bad there; that’s why I could not get a good education.
Are you familiar with these statements? I’m sure you’ve heard them a lot. Do you know what they are? Excuses.
These are the excuses we tell ourselves to convince us why we are not doing certain things or why we are not successful.
We tell these excuses to ourselves so that we don’t feel bad. The excuse is a disease, and in this blog post, I will explain how you can cure it.
Additionally, I will talk about several lessons about fear, self-confidence, how to think big, and how to think creatively.
All these lessons come from a book called The Magic of Thinking Big by David Schwartz.
Lesson #1: Let’s start with the excuses.
I was born in a small village and lived there until I was 18.
While I was in high school, we had a middle-aged neighbor who would constantly talk about his university years and how he was the best in his faculty.
He talked about how difficult it was to study during the Soviet time and how he spent his student years without getting any financial support from his family.
He also talked with great pride about his friends who were now in high positions in Moscow.
One day, I asked this man how he ended up in a village in such a low-paying job since he was so successful at university.
He stayed silent for a few seconds and then said that it was his dream to go to Moscow, but he got married and had kids, which is why he could not become as successful as his friends.
He simply said he wasn’t successful because of his wife and kids.
At the time, to me, it seemed like this man sacrificed his career for his family. But after reading the book The Magic of Thinking Big, I understood that this man was just using his family as an excuse for his failure in life.
The author says that the more successful a person is, the fewer excuses he or she makes.
It’s always the people who aren’t getting anywhere in life that have excuses for why they can’t, why they won’t, and why they aren’t.
If you want to do something, you find a way; if not, you find an excuse. It’s that simple.
You may get a little sympathy from your friends, but you will not get respect if you are a chronic complainer.
Thoughts, positive or negative, grow stronger when fertilized with constant repetition.
Once you convince yourself with an excuse, your brain shuts down and doesn’t even look for alternative ways to reach the goal.
One of the common excuses is thinking that you are not smart enough or you are not educated enough.
This one is very common; the majority of people around us have it to varying degrees. Here are three ways to overcome this disease.
Number 1
Always remind yourself that your attitude is much more important than your intelligence.
The author talks about his friend who didn’t have one arm but was a great golf player.
When the author asked him how he was so good at golf despite his lack of an arm, his response was, “The right attitude and one arm will beat the wrong attitude and two arms every time.”
Let me repeat that again: “The right attitude and one arm will beat the wrong attitude and two arms every time.”
Imagine you are the boss, and there are two accountants working in your company.
The first accountant has many years of experience, and he actually does his job well.
The second accountant is quite inexperienced and is new to the company.
The first accountant doesn’t bother with anything outside his work; he just does what he’s asked to do, and that’s that.
On the other hand, the second accountant offers his help to his colleagues when he finishes his job early.
When someone new joins the company, he welcomes him warmly and offers his help.
If there is something he can do in the marketing department, he just does it and doesn’t say that it’s not his department.
Simply put, he tries to help the whole company succeed rather than only focusing on accounting.
Now, as the owner of the company, if you must promote one of those two accountants, who would you pick? I’m sure you would pick the second accountant because he has the right attitude.
You see, having experience and intelligence is nothing if you don’t have the right attitude.
I’ve seen the above example happening in real life many times.
I’m sure if you look at the company you are working for, you will see it as well. If you want to move ahead, changing your attitude is more than enough to make a big difference.
Number 2
Knowing how to think is much more important than intelligence.
The person who knows how to use his brain and imagination to solve problems will always beat the person who uses his brain as a garage for facts.
Imagine you are interviewing two people for your own business.
The first candidate walks in, and you ask him if he knows the height of the building that you are sitting in right now.
The candidate says, “Oh yes, I know it. I’ve worked as an architect for several years, and I memorized the height of all the buildings in these areas, so the height of this building is 25 meters.” That is the right answer; the candidate gave you a precise answer.
This person goes away, and the second candidate walks in. You ask the same question. He looks at you and says, “I don’t know the answer.”
Then asks you to excuse him for a few minutes.
The candidate runs outside, measures the length of his own shadow on the ground, then measures the shadow of the building.
By comparing the ratio of these two shadows, he comes up with a number, runs back inside, and says that the height of this building is around 23 meters.
My question to you is, who are you going to hire? I don’t know you, but I’m hiring the second candidate even though his answer wasn’t precise, even though he gave you the wrong answer. I’m hiring him because he knows how to think.
He knows how to use his brain. Today, more than ever, we need people who know how to think.
In school, we learn how to solve multiple-choice problems, but real-life problems are not multiple-choice.
Options are not defined, and solutions are somewhere out there, and they require out-of-the-box thinking.
We are so accustomed to multiple-choice problems that even when you ask your friend which restaurant he wants to go to for lunch, he looks at you and says, “Well, what are my options?” Instead of thinking and coming up with something he wants, he asks for options so that he can choose.
So, remember that the ability to think is much more important than the ability to memorize facts.
You may not have a perfect score in the exam, but I am sure you have a unique way of thinking.
Number 3
Never underestimate your own intelligence and never overestimate the intelligence of others.
Don’t sell yourself short. Concentrate on your assets and discover your superior talents.
Another common excuse is about age. No matter where we are in life, at some point we suffer from an age excuse or hear someone else complain about it.
This excuse has closed the door to real opportunities for thousands of people. They think they’re too old or too young, so they don’t even bother to try.
For example, let’s say you are 40 years old and you want to start creating your own business, but you think you’re too old for that and, because of that, don’t want to try it.
Before you completely quit, allow me to ask you a few questions.
If I ask you what is the average age we usually start being productive in life, you would probably say that it’s around the age of 20, right? You would agree that this is the age most of us start working and producing something.
Okay, let me ask you another question. What is the average age that a person’s productive life ends? You’d probably say it’s around 70. But there are many people who are productive even after 70. But let’s agree with 70.
Based on your answers, we can say that in total, you have 50 years to be productive: 70 minus 20 equals 50.
Now, if you are 40 years old, it means you have only spent 20 years and you still have 30 more years to be productive.
You have not even reached half of your productive age, and you are telling me that you’re too old for trying new things? You might not trust me, but I hope you still have trust in math.
Lesson number two: How to think big.
Most people can’t even think big. They don’t even let themselves daydream about having a million dollars in their account.
Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that thinking big and everything will be great—not at all.
Thinking big is just the beginning. After thinking big, you have to work hard.
You have to do things others don’t do. You have to fail many times and stand up again.
You have to read a lot and you have to work smart. There are hundreds of steps you must take after thinking big.
Thinking big is just the first step, and if you can’t even take that, I’m afraid there’s no hope for you.
When I was in university, most of my group mates’ goals were to get their diploma and work for a good company or bank.
On the other side, there were only a few of them who didn’t want to work for a good company but wanted to create a good company.
Many years later, when I look back, I see that both groups are on track toward their goals.
If your goal is to get your diploma and work for a good company, you’re setting the finish line too close.
It’s like you are saying, “I want to go to the gym every day so that I can do 20 push-ups.”
Where success is concerned, people are not measured in kilos, college degrees, or family background.
They are measured by the size of their thinking.
The greatest human weakness is self-deprecation and putting a very low price tag on themselves.
If your friend Tom has a goal to earn a million dollars, but you think that it is impossible, then why would Thomas accept you as a partner for his new business idea?
If you think you don’t deserve that beautiful girl, then why would she think you deserve her?
If you are 20 years old and applying to work in my company, and my goal is to hire you and grow you so that you can lead one of the company branches in the future, but during the interview, the only questions you ask are about home office, meal vouchers, vacation days, and retirement plan, then why on Earth should I hire you?
One final piece of advice about thinking big: When it comes to day-to-day arguments and problems, if you want to avoid ninety percent of arguments with your partner or at your work, then whenever some argument happens, simply ask yourself this question:
Is this something that an important person like myself would argue about and spend his time on? Soon, you will avoid many meaningless arguments.
Plus, keep in mind that you don’t win anything by arguing.
Lesson number three: How to handle fear.
I’m sure you’ve been in a situation where you were afraid of something or someone.
Maybe you were afraid of failing the exam and feeling ashamed, losing your job, or you’re afraid of talking to your boss.
And when you shared your fears with your friend, he just looked at you and said, “Come on, let us go have lunch. You’re exaggerating it. It’s just in your mind.”
Our friends and relatives expect us to feel better when they say, “It’s just in your mind” or “It’s just in your imagination.” But the reality is that fear is real and it is a powerful force.
Besides, of course fear is in my mind; it isn’t supposed to be on my foot! So don’t expect me to calm down by saying that it’s just in my mind.
Fear and lack of self-confidence are real, and they are success’s enemy number one.
Fear of all sizes is a form of psychological disease, and you know what the cure is? Action.
Have you ever seen a person who is standing next to a swimming pool but is afraid to jump? He just stands there with no action. But suddenly someone pushes him, and within seconds fear is over and he is in the water. Action cures fear.
Let me tell you a story from the book to understand it better.
The author says one day a sales manager approached him for help and explained that he was very afraid that he would lose his job soon.
The manager said that recently sales numbers had been very low in his department, and because of that, there was a big chance that he would be fired.
After listening to the manager’s story, the author asked what his actions were to fix the situation.
A little bit confused, the manager asked what he meant. The author responded by saying, “Yes, I understand that you’re afraid. I understand that you’re anxious. But what actions are you taking to avoid losing your job or reduce its negative impact?” The manager didn’t have any action plan.
So the author recommended taking two actions immediately: first, write down possible ways to increase sales and implement them right away; second, just in case, look for some other jobs in other companies.
After several weeks, the manager called him and said that after the meeting, he took several actions and the sales numbers improved a lot.
Plus, he had two offers from different companies, but he would still decline them because things were going well in his current company.
As you can see, when we are afraid, we forget that there are actions we can take. We become paralyzed and just wait for the worst to happen or just hope for the best.
Here’s a small exercise for fear: When you are afraid, you should immediately divide it into two parts.
On the left part, write down what you are afraid of, and on the right part, write down what actions you can take to eliminate or reduce the fear.
The reason I said you must do it immediately is that the more time you give, the bigger your fear gets.
Giving more time to fear is like giving fertilizer to a weed.
For example, one day I had to send an important email to my entire department, but I was afraid of what the reactions would be.
So I decided to give it a little bit more time and think.
After a few days, I finally sat down to write the email, but I couldn’t because in the last few days, I spent most of the time visualizing how people would react badly, how it could impact my relationship with my colleagues, and how some people might start hating me.
Those few days only made the situation worse.
The truth is, no one does anything worthwhile without getting criticism. So act promptly and be decisive—hesitation only magnifies the fear.
Now let’s talk about the fear of other people and how to be confident when communicating with them.
Several years ago, I was working in a company, and there was a manager with whom I cooperated in many areas.
This manager was a highly respected, knowledgeable, and serious-looking guy.
Every time I talked to him, I felt nervous.
When he was in the room, I paid twice the attention to myself not to say something stupid.
Every meeting and every discussion with him was a stress test for my body and mind.
One day, I was in a boxing class, and for some reason, the trainer couldn’t attend.
So instead of going home, I told everyone that I could lead the training if they wanted to stay and train together. Everyone agreed.
After a few minutes, this manager entered the hall and said that he also wanted to start boxing.
I explained the situation, and he agreed to train anyway. Because of my past experience with him, I got nervous again, but after 10 minutes of training, I looked at him and realized how much he struggled.
He punched like a girl, was completely out of breath, was nervous, and looked ashamed for not being able to train as well as the others.
I just looked at him and said to myself, “Just like me.” The first time in training, I felt exactly the same things as he does now.
He might be some high-level manager, but deep down, we’re both the same.
We’re both scared, we both struggle with new things, we both feel ashamed, and we both have problems in our families.
After this event, I never felt nervous with him, and because of my relaxed behavior, we even became closer.
Now, whenever I talk to someone important, I just imagine him in that boxing class.
It might sound strange, but it reminds me to put people into proper perspective. It reminds me that we are all human.
People are not as scary as we see them. When you take off all the titles and positions, we people are the same, and there’s no reason to be scared.
Maybe right now there’s someone in your life that you fear.
Just imagine him in one of your favorite sports and see how much he would struggle if he was competing against you.
This approach can help you to put people into proper perspective.
This might sound like strange advice, but it works quite well for me. It might work for you as well.
Lesson number four: how to be more confident.
Let’s say one of the big companies approaches me and offers a lot of money to promote their product on this blog.
I look at their product and see that it is all right, but there is one defect.
First, I hesitate to promote it, but then I say to myself, “Come on, you can’t leave that much money on the table. Plus, your viewers won’t find out about the defect if you don’t mention it.” So I promote it.
Do you know what’s going to happen after that? My confidence will collapse, and I will live in fear.
My mind will constantly ask, “Did they find out that I lied to them? Will I get caught?” I won’t be afraid to look at the comments.
Every time someone asks me questions about the channel, I’ll never speak confidently with that person.
Acting right is a confidence builder, and acting wrong is a confidence destroyer.
Now, I’m not here to give you a religious lecture about the importance of acting right. I’m just looking at it from the practical side.
When you do anything that goes against your conscience, you feel guilty. You can’t think straight because your mind is asking, “Will I get caught? Will I get caught?” Within each of us, there is a desire to be right, think right, and act right.
When we go against those desires, we put cancer in our conscience, and that cancer eats our confidence alive.
Someday, you may want to make a sale so badly that you would think of deliberately misleading the customer to buy, and you may succeed.
But here’s what will happen: you will always be wondering, “Has the customer discovered that I lied to him?” Next time, your presentation will be ineffective because you can’t concentrate.
Chances are, you will never make a second sale to that customer.
Many criminals are captured not because any clues point to them but because they act guilty.
So here is an important lesson about self-confidence that is worth reading 35 times: TO THINK CONFIDENTLY, ACT CONFIDENTLY. Act the way you want to feel.
The second factor for low confidence is related to mismanaged memory.
Your brain is very much like a bank. Every day, you make thought deposits in your mind bank.
These thought deposits grow and become your memory.
When you face a problem and start thinking, you’re basically asking your memory bank, “What do I already know about this problem?”
Your memory bank automatically answers and provides you with all the information relating to this situation that you deposited on previous occasions. Your memory banker is tremendously reliable.
There comes a time when you fail at something, and you say, “Hello, Mr. Memory Banker, could you please bring back some of my deposits showing that I am a failure?”
And your banker will say, “Yes, sir. Do you remember how your sixth-grade teacher told you that you would be a failure in life?
Do you remember how you lost your job? Do you remember how your girlfriend left you because she thought you were a failure?
Do you remember how you failed the exam and you could not get your diploma?”
The author advises two things:
first, deposit only positive thoughts in your memory bank and refuse to go to bed while thinking about negative thoughts.
Refuse to think for hours about some negative event. Go play with kids and do something that will take your mind off it.
Second, withdraw only positive thoughts from your memory bank.
Now, suppose you approach your memory banker and say, “Can you give me some thoughts which will give me reassurance?” And Mr. Banker will say, “Yes, sir,” and will bring memories that prove that you can succeed.
Successful people specialize in putting positive thoughts into their memory bank and only withdrawing positives.
Negative thoughts cause wear on your mental motor.
Imagine it this way: if you take a handful of gravel and put it into your car’s tank every morning before you go to work, how would it affect the engine? Negative thoughts do the same.
When negative thoughts start to take over, just remind yourself where it will lead.
Remind yourself that you have a choice.
I’m not going to pretend that I’m exceptionally good at this. Quite the opposite, I struggle with this as well.
But I try to remind myself that I have a choice of which part of the story I want to deposit.
The author shares several other tips to increase confidence. Here are a few of them:
1. Practice speaking up.
I’m sure you’ve been in a meeting or in a classroom where you wanted to comment or say something, but you didn’t.
This happens to many of us. At that point, we say to ourselves, “If I say something, I’ll probably look foolish, so I just won’t say anything.
Others in the meeting probably know more than I do. I don’t want others to know how ignorant I am.”
Each time you don’t speak, you feel even more inferior.
You promise yourself to speak out next time, but you probably won’t speak out next time either.
Every time you don’t speak up, you are poisoning the confidence tree. Just speak up.
Speaking is a confidence-building vitamin. Make it a rule to speak up at every meeting you attend.
Make no exception. Comment, make a suggestion, ask a question, and don’t be the last to speak.
Never worry about looking foolish—you will not. For each person who does not agree with you, the odds are another person will agree.
2. Practice making eye contact.
How a person uses his eyes tells us a lot about him.
Instinctively, you ask yourself questions about the person who does not look you in the eye.
What’s he trying to hide? What is he afraid of? Is he trying to put something on me?
Usually, failure to make eye contact says one of two things: I feel weak beside you, I feel inferior to you, I am afraid, or avoiding another person’s eyes may say I feel guilty, I have done something that I don’t want you to know, and I’m afraid if I let my eyes connect with yours, you will see through me.
So conquer this fear by making yourself look the other person in the eyes.
3. Be a front seater.
Ever noticed in meetings at work or in classrooms how the back seats fill up first?
Most people scramble to sit in the back rows so they will not be too visible, and the reason they are afraid to be visible is that they lack confidence.
Sitting up front builds confidence. Practice it. From now on, make it a rule to sit as close to the front row as you can.
Lesson number five: How to think creatively.
Creative thinking is not reserved for artists, musicians, and scientists.
Creative thinking is simply finding new and improved ways to do anything.
For example, a student finds a way to manage his courses and, at the same time, create a side business.
An employee finds a way to save 20 hours a week for his company.
A salesperson finds a better way to sell more, etc.
The author says that the first step to start being creative in something is to believe that it can be done.
When you believe, your mind finds ways to do it. When you believe something is impossible, your mind goes to work for you to prove why it can’t be done.
But when you believe—really believe—something can be done, your mind goes to work for you and helps you find ways to do it.
Solutions start appearing in unexpected moments and places. Belief releases creative powers; disbelief puts the brakes on.
When you don’t believe, you basically freeze your brain, and nothing grows in the frozen place.
The successful person doesn’t ask, “Can I do it?” He knows he can, so he phrases the question, “How can I do it?” When you ask yourself how, your creative power is switched on.
Here is a small exercise: Take a small notebook, and each day before you begin work, devote 10 minutes to thinking, “How can I make more sales? How can I create new business? How can I study more effectively?”
Whatever you want to achieve, soon you will start getting solutions and ideas that you never thought existed before.
When ideas come, write them down, and every Monday or Friday, review all of them. Most of the ideas won’t be worth anything, but some will.
Some ideas will connect with other ideas and will become great ideas.
Another way to become more creative is to listen more rather than talk more.
Successful companies spend millions of dollars researching and listening to their customers who will buy the product.
In the same way, successful people listen more. We learn nothing by telling, but there is no limit to what we can learn by asking and listening.
A mind that feeds only on itself soon is undernourished, and it becomes weak and incapable of the creative process.
Stimulation from others is excellent mind food. Mixing regularly with people outside your occupational area stimulates your thinking on your job.
Thanks for reading to the end, and if you’d like to see more book summaries, check out this List. Have a great day.
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