After my divorce, I noticed a recurring pattern in my dating life. None of my relationships lasted beyond eight months.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want a lasting love; rather, after dating someone exclusively for three to six months, I’d inevitably discover something about them that made continuing the relationship impossible.
As a life and relationship coach for nearly twenty years, I’ve observed seven common reasons why people struggle to find a love that lasts.
By the time you finish reading this, you might have a clear idea of how your approach to dating needs to change.
If You Experience These Seven Issues, Your Relationship Likely Won’t Last, relax go with me as I take you through the signs….
1. Your Life Goals Aren’t Aligned
In my opinion, shared life goals are crucial for the longevity of any relationship.
For those in their 30s and 40s, for instance, life goals might include getting married and starting a family. Not everyone wants children, so aligning on this goal is vital.
If you’re older, your goals might involve retiring and relocating.
There’s a significant difference between those still deeply involved in their careers and those ready to embrace a retired lifestyle.
When your life goals don’t align, it’s hard to build a love that lasts.
2. Your Core Relationship Values Are Compromised
When your partner fails to honor something vital to you, it makes it difficult to continue the relationship.
For example, you may need your partner to be financially responsible, yet discover they have significant debts and no plan to reduce them.
This can lead to financial stress and even financial abuse, as noted in a 2014 study, ultimately causing the relationship to crumble.
If this scenario resonates with you, it’s likely that misaligned values are a major reason you haven’t found a love that lasts.
3. Your Partner Isn’t Transparent About Crucial Matters
If your partner hides important aspects of their life, it can be a dealbreaker.
For instance, you might not realize the impact of toxic in-laws or your partner’s troubled child until six months into the relationship.
It’s important to get a clear picture of what your partner is dealing with early on so you can assess whether you can handle it.
The sooner you know what you’re walking into, the sooner you can determine if your love can go the distance.
4.Neither of You Is Willing to Compromise
I’ve seen clients enter relationships where they lived in different cities, and everything seemed to be going well until it became clear that someone needed to move.
When neither person was willing to relocate, the relationship reached a stalemate.
Compromise is essential in any lasting relationship. If neither party is willing to adjust their life for the relationship, it’s likely to fall apart.
5. One of You Doesn’t Feel Like a Priority
Relationships require work and focus, and everyone wants to feel like they’re a significant part of their partner’s life.
If work, kids, parents, or friends consistently take priority over your partner, they might start to question their place in your life and seek attention elsewhere.
A 2004 study highlights the importance of communication in marriage to understand your partner’s needs and the amount of attention they require.
6. Boundaries with Others Aren’t Maintained
The influence of family members on your relationship can have a negative impact, as shown by research on in-law relationships and marital quality.
If your partner doesn’t stand up for you with their parents, siblings, or children, it can create an imbalance in your relationship.
Failing to set appropriate boundaries with family members often leads to rifts in a relationship.
How your partner manages their family’s influence can greatly affect whether your love will last.
7. You No Longer Feel Like a Team
In a committed relationship, major decisions should be made together.
If one person makes significant decisions such as making a large purchase, accepting a job offer, or planning a vacation—without consulting the other, it can create doubt about the relationship.
When you feel your partner no longer has your best interests at heart, it’s a clear sign that the relationship may need to end.
Conclusion
Why Haven’t You Found a Love That Lasts?
Don’t fall into the trap of thinking it’s impossible to find a lasting, loving partner.
Instead, take comfort in knowing that you’re now more aware of what can cause a relationship to fail.
This awareness will help you avoid these pitfalls in the future.
By spending less time in relationships that are going nowhere and continuing your search, you’ll increase your chances of finding a love that truly lasts.
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