Loving yourself can sometimes feel like the most challenging relationship to navigate.
You’re with yourself 24/7, after all, and there’s no escaping the mirror, the inner critic, or the little voice that questions your worth.
While it’s natural to doubt yourself occasionally, for some people, the struggle with self-love is a constant, silent battle.
Have you ever noticed certain behaviors in others—or maybe even in yourself—that point to deeper struggles with self-esteem?
These are often subtle actions, the kind that fly under the radar because they’ve become second nature.
Yet, they say so much about how we feel about ourselves.
This isn’t about judgment; it’s about recognition and understanding.
The truth is, the hardest love to cultivate is self-love, and without even realizing it, many people display behaviors that betray their internal struggles.
Let’s dive deep into eight behaviors that people who have a hard time loving themselves often show—and why recognizing them is the first step toward change.
1. Overly Critical of Themselves
If you’ve ever found yourself replaying a minor mistake in your head over and over again, you’ve experienced what it feels like to be overly critical.
For those who struggle with self-love, this critical voice isn’t an occasional visitor—it’s a constant companion.
Imagine this: You’re at work, and you make a small error in an email.
Instead of brushing it off as a simple mistake, you spend hours dwelling on it, convincing yourself that your boss and colleagues are judging you.
This inner critic turns a molehill into a mountain, making you feel incompetent or unworthy.
People who are overly critical often set impossibly high standards for themselves.
They might compare their every move to others, magnifying their perceived flaws while ignoring their strengths.
Over time, this behavior chips away at their self-esteem, making them feel less capable and less deserving.
But the truth is No one is perfect.
Mistakes are an inevitable part of life, and they’re often our greatest teachers.
The first step to silencing that harsh inner critic is recognizing it for what it is—a habit, not a fact.
Replacing self-criticism with self-compassion can be transformative.
2. Struggling to Accept Compliments
For people who have a hard time loving themselves, compliments can feel uncomfortable, even undeserved.
Let’s say a friend tells you, “You look amazing today!” Instead of saying “Thank you,” you respond with, “Oh, this old outfit? It’s nothing special.”
While it might seem like modesty, it’s actually a reflection of self-doubt. Deep down, you might believe that you’re not worthy of praise or attention.
This reaction stems from an internal belief that compliments are insincere or that others are just “being nice.”
As a result, people deflect compliments to protect themselves from the discomfort of being seen in a positive light.
However, learning to accept compliments is an essential part of building self-love. It’s not about ego; it’s about acknowledging your worth.
The next time someone offers you a kind word, pause, smile, and simply say, “Thank you.”
It might feel awkward at first, but with practice, you’ll start to believe the words people say about you.
3. Feeling Unworthy of Happiness
It’s a heartbreaking truth: some people believe they don’t deserve to be happy.
Imagine someone who’s worked hard to achieve a promotion or personal milestone.
Instead of celebrating, they feel a sense of guilt or unease, as if their success is a fluke or they’ve somehow tricked others into believing they’re capable.
This feeling is often tied to a psychological phenomenon called imposter syndrome.
For people with low self-esteem, happiness feels like something reserved for “better” or “more deserving” individuals.
This belief can lead to self-sabotage—turning down opportunities, withdrawing from relationships, or undermining their own success because they can’t accept that they’re worthy of good things.
The first step to breaking this cycle is understanding that happiness isn’t something you need to earn.
It’s a fundamental right. You don’t have to justify your joy to anyone, least of all yourself.
Allowing yourself to embrace happiness without guilt is a profound act of self-love.
4. They Tend To Overworking
For some, the need to constantly stay busy is more than a habit—it’s a way to validate their existence.
Picture someone who works late every night, not because they love their job, but because they feel like they have to.
They take on extra projects, say yes to every request, and never allow themselves a moment to rest.
This relentless drive often stems from a deep-seated belief that their value is tied to their productivity.
By staying busy, they avoid confronting uncomfortable feelings of inadequacy. But this approach comes at a cost—burnout, exhaustion, and even resentment.
What they don’t realize is that their worth isn’t measured by how much they do.
Taking a step back to prioritize self-care and rest is essential.
Productivity is not the same as self-worth, and allowing yourself to pause and breathe doesn’t make you less valuable.
5. Struggling to Set Boundaries
Setting boundaries is a challenge for anyone, but it’s especially hard for those who struggle with self-love.
When you don’t believe in your own worth, saying “no” feels like a risk.
You might fear that people will think less of you or that you’ll be rejected altogether.
As a result, you may say yes to things you don’t want to do, sacrificing your own needs to please others.
This behavior can leave you feeling drained and resentful.
Without boundaries, it’s easy to lose sight of your own priorities and well-being. But the truth is, setting boundaries isn’t selfish—it’s a form of self-respect.
Start small. Practice saying no to something minor, and remind yourself that prioritizing your needs doesn’t make you a bad person.
In fact, it makes you stronger and more capable of showing up for others in a meaningful way.
6. Finding It Hard to Ask for Help
Asking for help can be one of the hardest things to do for someone who struggles with self-love.
It’s not just about pride or independence; it’s often rooted in a deep fear of being seen as weak, incapable, or a burden to others.
Think about this: You’re overwhelmed at work, juggling multiple tasks, and the pressure is mounting.
Deep down, you know your coworker or manager might be willing to assist if you just ask.
But instead, you stay silent, thinking, “If I ask for help, they’ll think I’m incompetent.”
Or worse, you convince yourself that you don’t deserve the help, that your struggles are insignificant compared to others’.
This avoidance often stems from an internalized belief that you must “earn” your right to support.
When self-esteem is low, people tend to undervalue their own needs and prioritize others’ instead.
And this result to struggling in isolation, all while putting on a brave face.
But here’s something important to understand: Asking for help doesn’t make you weak; it makes you human.
None of us are meant to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders alone.
Seeking support is not a sign of failure; it’s a sign of wisdom and strength.
It shows that you recognize your limits and trust others enough to share your burden.
The journey to overcoming this behavior begins with small steps.
Start by asking for help with something minor—perhaps advice on a decision or assistance with a task you’re struggling with.
Over time, you’ll realize that most people are not only willing to help but also feel good about doing so.
Remember, everyone needs a helping hand at some point in life, and there’s no shame in that.
7. Constantly Seeking Approval
The need for approval can be an exhausting and all-consuming cycle for those who struggle with self-love.
It’s a behavior rooted in insecurity—a constant hunger for external validation to fill an internal void.
Picture this scenario: You’re in a group discussion, and someone shares an opinion you don’t necessarily agree with.
Instead of speaking up, you nod along, afraid that your differing view might upset them or make you seem less likable.
Later, you feel a pang of regret, wishing you had stayed true to yourself.
This constant seeking of approval often leads to people-pleasing.
You might say yes to things you don’t want to do, change your appearance or behavior to fit in, or even sacrifice your own happiness to make others happy.
The underlying belief is that your worth depends on how others perceive you, and you’ll do anything to avoid disappointing them.
But here’s the hard truth: No matter how much approval you seek, it will never be enough if you don’t approve of yourself first.
External validation is fleeting—it feels good in the moment, but it doesn’t address the deeper issue of self-worth.
Breaking this habit starts with practicing self-approval.
Spend time reflecting on your values, strengths, and accomplishments. Remind yourself that your worth isn’t tied to other people’s opinions or acceptance.
The more you focus on validating yourself, the less power external validation will have over you.
It’s a gradual process, but with time, you’ll learn to value your own voice above all else.
8. Neglecting Self-Care
Neglecting self-care is perhaps the most visible sign of someone who struggles with self-love.
It’s not just about skipping a workout or forgetting to eat healthy; it’s a deeper neglect of one’s emotional, mental, and physical well-being.
For many, this behavior starts innocently enough.
You tell yourself you’re too busy to rest, that you have too many responsibilities to take a break.
Over time, this becomes a pattern.
You might put off doctor’s appointments, skip meals, or push through exhaustion because you believe other people’s needs are more important than your own.
But this neglect sends a harmful message to yourself: I don’t matter.
It reinforces the belief that your worth is tied to how much you do for others or achieve externally, rather than how well you care for yourself.
Take a moment to imagine what self-care could look like for you.
Maybe it’s taking a 15-minute walk each day, journaling before bed, or saying no to plans when you need rest.
Self-care doesn’t have to be elaborate; it’s about small, consistent actions that remind you that you’re worthy of attention and care.
Remember, self-care isn’t selfish. It’s a necessary foundation for a healthy, balanced life.
When you care for yourself, you’re better equipped to care for others, face challenges, and pursue your goals.
Prioritizing self-care is one of the most powerful ways to practice self-love—and it’s something you absolutely deserve.
Final Thoughts
Struggling with self-love doesn’t mean you’re broken; it means you’re human.
Recognizing these behaviors is the first step toward healing.
It’s not about fixing yourself—it’s about showing yourself the same compassion and understanding you’d offer to a friend.
Remember, self-love isn’t a destination; it’s a journey.
And every small step you take brings you closer to the most important relationship you’ll ever have—the one with yourself.
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