Have you ever met someone who talks a big game, but deep down, you sense they’re not as assured as they seem?
Confidence isn’t just about how loud someone speaks or how many awards they’ve racked up; it’s about genuine self-belief and security in who you are.
I learned this the hard way myself.
Back in my 20s, I had a decent corporate job, a good apartment, and the outward signs of “success.”
But inside, I felt out of place and often second-guessed my abilities.
Over time—and after lots of reading, personal reflection, and some trial-and-error— I discovered that true confidence doesn’t require you to roar like a lion.
It’s more about trusting yourself and feeling comfortable in your own skin.
Real confidence shows up in countless small ways. But so does a lack of it.
Many of us slip into subtle habits that betray our insecurities, often without even realizing it.
Let’s dive into ten of those behaviors.
If you spot these in someone—or even in yourself—it might be time to work on dialing up that genuine self-assurance.
1. They deflect compliments
Ever try giving someone a sincere compliment—like “Hey, that was an amazing presentation!”—and they respond with something like “Oh, it was nothing” or “I totally messed up the ending”?
This kind of knee-jerk deflection is often a telltale sign of deeper insecurities.
Why does this happen?
Because to accept a compliment is to acknowledge your own strengths.
And if you don’t believe you have them, you’ll brush away any praise that comes your way.
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I used to be guilty of this.
No matter how well I performed, I’d find every flaw and point it out before anyone could say I did well.
Deflecting compliments might seem like modesty, but there’s a fine line between true humility and not recognizing your worth.
If you always reject compliments, it can keep you stuck in the cycle of feeling “not good enough.”
2. They mask their insecurity with constant chatter
“Empty vessels make the most noise,” my dad used to say.
I’ve noticed that some folks who lack confidence try to hide it behind endless talking.
They dominate conversations to avoid uncomfortable pauses, often repeating themselves because silence feels awkward.
Now, there’s nothing wrong with being talkative.
But when someone bulldozes others in conversation or never lets a quiet moment breathe, it can hint that they’re anxious inside.
They’re afraid of being judged in the silence, so they fill every gap with words.
Confidence, on the other hand, doesn’t fear silence—it sees it as a natural part of communication.
If you notice someone constantly rambling without substance, it might be a subtle red flag of underlying self-doubt.
3. They over-apologize
“I’m sorry…sorry, I said sorry too much, sorry!” Sound familiar?
Some people apologize as if existing is an inconvenience to others.
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When you genuinely believe in your own value, you understand that you don’t need to apologize for every tiny perceived misstep.
Sure, it’s polite—and necessary—to say sorry if you’ve truly messed up.
But over-apologizing can signify you’re seeking approval or trying to preemptively ward off criticism.
I used to work with someone who’d say “sorry” whenever he asked a question, even if it was his job to ask it.
Deep down, he didn’t trust his own right to speak up.
He was always worried he’d bother someone, and that worry came from a place of low self-assurance.
4. They struggle to break free from limiting beliefs
A lack of confidence often stems from deeply ingrained beliefs about not being “good enough” or “deserving enough.”
Maybe you’ve caught yourself thinking, “I could never pull that off” or “That’s just not for me” before you’ve even tried.
I’ve personally gone through this.
At one point, I genuinely believed I wasn’t cut out for anything outside the typical corporate route, even though the job left me unfulfilled.
The bigger problem?
I didn’t realize how much these limiting beliefs were holding me back.
That’s why I took Ruda Iandê’s “Free Your Mind” masterclass.
I’d always been skeptical of self-development courses, but I gave this one a shot.
One exercise challenged me to question where my beliefs came from—and to my surprise, many had no factual basis.
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They were just negative stories I’d been telling myself for years.
After digging into these narratives, I started rewriting them, and my confidence improved as a result.
5. They name-drop or brag a little too often
There’s a difference between sharing your accomplishments to build trust or credibility, and constantly bragging or name-dropping.
Some folks can’t stop telling you about the big names they “know” or the fancy events they’ve attended.
It might seem like a sign of confidence, but it often reveals the opposite: they’re seeking external validation.
I had a friend who’d casually mention the celebrities he’d brushed shoulders with at parties.
But after a while, it became clear he was insecure about his own accomplishments.
Dropping those names gave him a quick confidence boost—even if it was fleeting.
As Seneca once said, “It is the quality rather than the quantity that matters.”
In many ways, that applies to friendships, achievements, and the stories we share.
Real confidence doesn’t need endless references to other people’s fame to feel worthy.
6. They rarely stand their ground
Have you ever been in a conversation where someone constantly flip-flops their opinions based on who they’re talking to?
Instead of asserting their viewpoint, they’ll nod along, just to keep the peace or avoid conflict.
While diplomacy is great, never standing your ground can be a subtle cue of lacking inner security.
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For instance, I used to be terrified of rocking the boat at work.
If my boss hinted he disagreed with me, I’d automatically change my stance.
Looking back, I realize it was because I didn’t have faith in my own reasoning.
I thought my ideas weren’t valid unless they were approved by someone else.
True confidence welcomes differing perspectives.
It’s okay to be proven wrong, but it’s also okay to believe in yourself when you think you’re right.
7. They avoid eye contact
Eye contact is powerful.
It shows engagement, presence, and a willingness to connect.
People who chronically look away or down, especially when speaking or being spoken to, might not feel confident in themselves.
Sure, some cultures encourage more eye contact than others, so there’s a cultural element to consider.
But in general, frequently dodging someone’s gaze can be a sign you’re uneasy in the moment.
Your eyes are a window into how secure—or insecure—you feel inside.
Marcus Aurelius once said, “The soul becomes dyed with the color of its thoughts.”
When those thoughts are self-critical, your actions—like avoiding eye contact—reflect that inner uncertainty.
8. They overanalyze social cues
Picture this: you send someone a text, and they don’t reply right away.
They read it and think, “Did I offend them? Should I apologize? Maybe they hate me now. Or they’re ignoring me on purpose.”
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It sounds dramatic, but many of us have been there.
Overanalyzing every interaction is mentally exhausting and often indicates a shaky self-image.
When you’re not sure of your own value, you read rejection or disapproval into the tiniest things—an hour-long text delay, a lukewarm greeting, or a coworker’s brief nod.
Confident people might notice these same cues, but they give them a rational weight: “My friend’s probably busy.”
If you find your mind racing to the worst conclusion every time, it could be your insecurities doing the talking, not reality.
9. They fish for reassurance
A less obvious sign of low confidence is fishing for praise or reassurance.
It might look like someone repeatedly asking “Was that okay?” or “Are you sure you liked it?” long after you’ve said it was great.
It can also show up on social media, where they obsessively track likes and comments just to feel good about themselves.
I’ve mentioned this kind of behavior in a previous post, but it’s worth repeating because social media has turned fishing for reassurance into an almost daily activity for some people.
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy posting my travels or thoughts online.
But the key difference is whether you’re sharing because you want to, or because you need an external boost in order to feel “enough.”
When you genuinely like who you are, you don’t need to keep throwing emotional lines out there, hoping someone else’s compliments will reel in your sense of worth.
10. They crumble under constructive criticism
Let’s be honest: nobody loves criticism, even if it’s constructive.
But someone with genuine confidence can take it, evaluate it, and see if it’s valid or not.
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They might still feel a sting, but it won’t destroy them.
On the flip side, if someone melts down or lashes out whenever they get feedback—no matter how gentle—it’s often because their self-esteem is hanging by a thread.
They’ve tied their worth so closely to being “right” that any suggestion they might be flawed feels like a personal attack.
I once worked on a writing project with a talented colleague who’d get extremely defensive any time the editor made suggestions.
She was undeniably skilled, but her reaction to constructive notes suggested a deep-seated fear that she wasn’t good enough.
True self-belief would have allowed her to listen without feeling attacked.
Rounding things off
Low confidence doesn’t always show up as shyness or silence—it can appear in all kinds of subtle behaviors.
Deflecting compliments, over-apologizing, name-dropping, avoiding eye contact: these are everyday signs that someone may not be as self-assured as they let on.
Most of us have been there, too.
The good news is that self-awareness is a huge part of building real confidence.
Once you spot these habits, you can address them head-on: by challenging negative self-talk, learning to accept praise, or setting boundaries where they’re needed.
And if this topic resonates with you—if you see some of these subtle signs in your own life—just remember that confidence isn’t an overnight achievement.
It’s a continuous process of knowing yourself, trusting your strengths, and accepting that growth comes through trial, reflection, and honest effort.
In my journey, reading psychology, philosophy, and even taking a good hard look at my limiting beliefs helped me get a handle on my own insecurities.
It’s never too late to do the same.
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Your story, like mine, is still being written—so you might as well write yourself as the self-assured hero.
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