I remember a few years ago, I was enrolled in an advanced yoga retreat designed to deepen our practice and break old mental patterns.
We’d spent the day in near silence—meditating, journaling, and listening carefully to our own thoughts.
That evening, in a short sharing session, each person named one “rule” they once believed was sacred but had since abandoned.
The stories were so raw and intimate that I left feeling exposed, yet oddly liberated.
On the long drive home, I began to see my own list of rules that had secretly governed me.
I’d never questioned where they came from or why they felt so unshakable.
But it occurred to me that it’s precisely those invisible assumptions that stand between us and living with genuine purpose.
Below, I’ll share seven rules I needed to break to finally feel like myself.
I offer these in the hope that my lessons resonate with the parts of you that crave a more conscious, self-directed life.
1. Treating perfection as a measure of worth
I used to think I had to perform flawlessly—or else my efforts were worthless.
If I wasn’t the best, I was a failure.
This mindset snuck into everything.
I’d rewrite emails for my job at least ten times. I’d reorganize my closet until it was color-coordinated to an obsessive degree.
You might wonder: Was I happy?
Not really. I was tense, irritable, and consumed by the fear of messing up.
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A few months into my marriage, it became obvious I was projecting these unreachable standards onto my husband as well.
That’s when I realized perfection isn’t just unattainable—it also often erodes intimacy and genuine self-expression.
Nobody fully shows up when they feel they’re being measured or judged.
Research shows that perfectionism is linked to higher levels of stress. And I’ve found that to be true in my own life – not only did it keep me on edge all the time, it also rendered me unable to enjoy small daily pleasures.
Letting go of that relentless need to do everything exactly right gave me back my sense of delight in everyday life.
It also allowed me to experience the moment, not just worry about “doing it right.”
2. Valuing external validation above inner truth
For the longest time, I believed other people’s opinions defined my life’s trajectory.
For instance, in my mid-twenties, I picked a corporate path because it was “respectable.”
At first, I felt a sense of pride telling people about my stable position and salary.
But inside, I was restless. I sensed that the job, though secure and respectable, wasn’t aligned with my deeper calling.
I remember sitting in a conference room, watching everyone nod in agreement at a strategy I felt was ethically questionable.
Still, I stayed silent because approval from my boss outweighed my personal integrity that day.
It was a small moment, but it crystallized a larger truth: I was willing to compromise my voice for a pat on the back.
A turning point came when I started journaling more honestly about what I valued, and seeing it on paper finally forced me to make a change.
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I had to break the rule that said “outside praise matters more than inner peace.”
The day I began to trust my own sense of right and wrong was the day I started living more authentically.
3. Following a predetermined life script
Society can be loud about how we’re “supposed” to live: get married, start a family, climb a career ladder, buy a house, keep climbing until retirement.
But what if those steps don’t excite you?
My husband and I faced a wave of questions about why we didn’t want children.
It took courage to stand our ground and acknowledge that parenthood wasn’t in our plan.
I used to feel defensive explaining this to people, as if I was letting them down.
But when we step away from the script, we realize life offers more paths than the standard blueprint suggests.
As Eckhart Tolle once said: “You find peace not by rearranging the circumstances of your life, but by realizing who you are at the deepest level.”
That line spoke to me. It reminded me that no external milestone could guarantee happiness if my heart wasn’t in it.
So I broke the rule that said “there’s a right timeline for everyone,” and let myself define satisfaction on my own terms.
4. Pretending to be “fine” when I’m not
I think this one’s almost universal, isn’t it? How often do we pretend to be fine when we’re actually not? When life is actually unraveling?
I grew up thinking vulnerability was weakness, so this was my default mode.
Everything changed after I took Rudá Iandê’s Free Your Mind masterclass.
Some of the exercises nudged me to examine how often I defaulted to hiding my hurt behind a forced grin.
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Over time, I realized that dismissing my own struggles wasn’t noble—it was toxic.
Denying painful emotions often causes them to fester and grow, leading to a kind of numbness. Feeling sad, frustrated, or uncertain is part of being alive.
As I began to be more honest about my lows, I discovered that vulnerability can foster deeper connections.
It breaks down walls, invites empathy, and helps us heal in community with others.
The biggest shift, though, was internal: admitting to myself that sometimes I’m not okay didn’t make me weaker.
It set me free.
5. Interpreting other people’s success as my failure
I used to scroll through social media and feel pangs of envy when someone else launched a business or reached a personal milestone.
My mind whispered, “They’re doing so well; why can’t you?”
Resentment grew, and I turned that frustration inward, feeding a narrative that I was underachieving.
But success isn’t a finite resource.
Someone else’s growth or achievement doesn’t deplete the opportunities available to me.
Breaking the rule that said “there’s only so much success to go around” shifted my focus from scarcity to possibility.
I started celebrating others’ wins while actively learning from them.
Over time, I realized that each person’s journey is its own ecosystem.
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Comparisons distort the beauty of what we individually bring to the table.
6. Filling every moment to avoid facing myself
I used to be the queen of busy. I’d cram my days with errands, workouts, dinner plans, and endless tasks.
On the outside, it looked productive.
On the inside, though, I was dodging the quiet moments that might force me to deal with self-doubt or past regrets.
When I came across Dr. Gabor Maté discussing how addictions can include any compulsive behavior—like workaholism or busyness—I recognized my own pattern.
Escaping into constant activity became my addiction, a socially approved way to never look inward.
Slowing down was initially painful. I confronted old wounds, fears, and memories I’d buried in the hustle.
Yet on the other side of that discomfort lay genuine peace.
Breaking the rule that busyness equals worth allowed me to create empty pockets in my schedule.
And those pockets taught me self-compassion, patience, and the art of being truly present.
7. Equating sacrifice with love
The last rule I had to break was that of believing that love means losing yourself.
I grew up hearing that love is about putting others first, always. It sounds noble, but if taken too far, it can become a self-destructive form of martyrdom.
For instance, I once said yes to helping a relative with a difficult move even though I was physically and emotionally drained from a stressful workweek.
I ended up lashing out because I had nothing left to give.
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When we make ourselves the perpetual caretaker at the cost of our own well-being, we become resentful, not loving.
I’ve discovered that true generosity is only possible when we also care for ourselves.
Here are some key distinctions I’ve come to understand:
- Healthy sacrifice gives joy, not resentment.
- Love doesn’t demand self-abandonment; it encourages mutual respect.
- Saying “I can’t do this right now” doesn’t make you selfish—it makes you human.
Breaking the belief that “love means losing yourself” helped me relate to friends and family from a place of genuine presence.
Next steps
Living intentionally often begins with unlearning the rules we absorbed without question.
None of these transformations happened overnight.
They came from repeated trials, missteps, and a willingness to feel uncomfortable.
If you take anything from my reflections, let it be this: you’re allowed to define your own life metrics.
You’re allowed to change your mind, slow down, or stand firm.
You’re allowed to carve out an existence that resonates with your deepest values—even if it looks nothing like someone else’s version of success.
Most importantly, each time you decide a long-held rule no longer serves you, you open a new door for growth.
So consider which rule you might break today. And imagine how freeing it might feel to finally be living on your own terms.
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