When a friend compliments you, you feel good. When they ask for your opinion, you feel valued.
That’s the beautiful simplicity of friendship right there.
But, the human psyche isn’t always straightforward. At times, it’s a twisted labyrinth of agendas and ego-boosting tactics.
Ever wondered if your ‘friend’ is genuinely invested in your friendship or just using you as a pedestal to prop up their self-esteem?
Well, I’m about to share 8 subtle signs that might make you think twice. Buckle up, because things are about to get a little uncomfortable.
1) They’re a spotlight hogger
Friendships are supposed to be about balance. A give-and-take, a two-way street.
But sometimes it feels like you’re stuck on a one-way road, constantly pouring attention onto your friend while they soak it all up like a thirsty sponge.
Ever noticed how they crave to be the center of attention? How they subtly steer the conversation back to them, no matter the topic? Or how they only seem interested in your opinions when it validates their own?
That’s the first subtle sign right there – they’re using you as their personal spot-lighter, illuminating their ego while leaving you in the shadows.
Not really what you signed up for in a friendship, huh?
2) They only reach out when they need something
We all have those days when we need a little extra support, and there’s nothing wrong with reaching out to a friend for help. That’s what friends are for, after all.
But I remember this one friend I had. Let’s call him Mark. Mark would only get in touch when he needed something – whether it was help with a project, a favor, or just someone to listen to his latest self-centered rant.
It was always about what I could do for him. Our conversations would revolve around his problems, his achievements, his life. But when it came to me? Crickets. He’d suddenly become too busy or the conversation would mysteriously die down.
If your ‘friend’ only surfaces when they need something and disappears when they’re done, it’s a clear sign they might be using you for an ego boost.
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3) They rarely reciprocate your efforts
Friendship is a mutual exchange. You celebrate their wins, they celebrate yours. You stand by them in their lows, they stand by you in yours. But sometimes, this balance seems to be off.
You’re always the one cheering them on, offering thoughtful gestures, or initiating plans, but when it comes to them returning the favor, there’s not much reciprocation.
Did you know that psychologists have found that balanced reciprocal relationships are crucial for our mental well-being? So if you’re constantly making efforts and they’re not being mirrored back, it’s not just unfair, it’s also unhealthy.
It’s high time you ask yourself – are you a friend or just a fan in their ego-boosting game?
4) They’re never genuinely happy for your success
A true friend will celebrate your achievements as if they were their own. They’ll be genuinely happy for you and show it.
But with this ‘friend’, there’s always a hint of envy or dismissal whenever you share your good news. They might downplay your achievements, change the subject quickly or simply not seem as excited as you’d expect a friend to be.
If they can’t celebrate your success without feeling threatened or overshadowed, it’s a clear sign that they’re not in this friendship for the right reasons.
They’re using you to boost their self-esteem, not to share in each other’s joy and growth.
5) They never acknowledge your feelings
I’ve been in situations where I’d share my feelings or concerns with a friend, only for them to brush it off or redirect the conversation back to themselves. It’s as if my emotions were invisible or simply didn’t matter.
If you’re feeling unheard or invalidated, it’s a red flag. A true friend will always take the time to acknowledge your feelings and provide support. They won’t just use you as an emotional dumping ground for their own issues.
In a true friendship, I’m not just an audience to their life’s drama, but also a participant in our shared story. If that’s not the case, then it’s a sign they might just be using me for an ego boost.
6) They’re overly nice and flattering
Now, this might seem like a strange one. Shouldn’t friends be nice to each other? Of course, they should.
But there’s a fine line between genuine compliments and excessive flattery.
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If your ‘friend’ is constantly showering you with praises, especially in public, it might not be because they genuinely think highly of you. Rather, they could be setting you up as a ‘perfect’ friend to boost their own image.
So if the compliments feel over the top or insincere, it could be a sign that they’re using your friendship as a tool to inflate their own ego.
7) They tend to dominate the conversation
A balanced conversation is like a game of ping pong – back and forth, equal participation from both sides. But with this ‘friend’, it feels more like a monologue than a dialogue.
You might notice that they often interrupt you, hardly let you get a word in, or simply don’t seem interested in what you have to say. It’s always about them, their stories, their views, their life.
If your ‘friend’ consistently dominates conversations and turns every discussion into a platform for self-promotion, it’s a telltale sign that they’re using you for an ego boost.
8) They’re not there during your tough times
The true test of a friendship is not during the fun times, but the hard ones.
A real friend sticks around, offering support and comfort when you’re down.
But if your ‘friend’ is suddenly unavailable or disinterested when you’re going through a rough patch, it’s a glaring sign they’re using you for an ego boost.
Friendship is not a fair-weather activity. It’s about being there for each other, in good times and bad.
Reflecting on the signs
So, you’ve come this far and maybe you’ve started seeing your ‘friend’ in a new light. It’s not easy to admit that someone you trusted might be using you for an ego boost. But recognition is the first step towards setting healthier boundaries.
A genuine friendship is not a one-sided affair. It’s about mutual respect, shared experiences, and being there for each other – in the highs and lows.
As Mark Twain once said, “The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.”
A real friend understands this. They don’t just take, but also give. They don’t just talk, but also listen. They don’t just celebrate themselves, but also you.
So take a moment and reflect on your friendships. Are they balanced? Are they genuine? Or are they just feeding someone’s ego at the expense of your own well-being?
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Remember, it’s your right to choose who gets to be in your life. Choose wisely.
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