Having a special bond with your grandchildren is an experience unlike any other. But what is it that makes some grandparents the absolute favorites?
Psychology offers some insight into this. It turns out, it’s less about the gifts you give and more about the habits you cultivate.
Being truly loved by your grandchildren involves certain behaviors that resonate with them on a deeper level. It’s not just about being fun; it’s about being mindful, understanding, and consistent.
In this article, I’m going to share 7 habits that can make you the beloved grandparent who is cherished in the hearts of your grandchildren. These aren’t just tips; these are transformative insights that can redefine your relationship with your little ones.
So, let’s dive in and explore what it takes to be an unforgettable grandparent.
1) Mindful presence
In the hustle and bustle of life, it’s easy to be physically present but mentally absent. One habit that endears grandparents to their grandchildren is the practice of mindfulness, particularly during their interactions.
Mindfulness, as defined by renowned psychologist Jon Kabat-Zinn, is “paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally.” This means fully engaging with your grandchildren when you’re with them – not just being there but really being there.
Children are particularly sensitive to this. They can often tell when you’re distracted or when your mind is elsewhere. They cherish those moments when they have your full attention and feel truly seen and heard.
By practicing mindfulness in your interactions with your grandchildren, you not only build a stronger bond with them but also set a powerful example for them to follow.
So, next time you’re with your grandchildren, put away your phone and other distractions. Be fully present in the moment.
Listen actively to their stories, engage with their games, and share in their joy. This simple act of mindful presence can make a world of difference in how much they love and appreciate you.
2) Embracing change
There’s one thing I’ve learned in my journey as a grandparent: Children grow and change rapidly. One day, they’re into dinosaurs, the next, it’s all about superheroes. And it’s not just about their interests, it’s their thoughts, feelings, and perspectives too.
Famed psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The only person who is educated is the one who has learned how to learn and change.” This couldn’t be truer in the context of grandparenting.
I remember when my grandson, Ethan, was going through his “dinosaur phase”. He could name every dinosaur and was always eager to share his knowledge with me.
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Then, one day, the dinosaurs were replaced by football. Instead of resisting this change, I embraced it. I started learning about his favorite teams and players. It was a new way for us to connect and share experiences.
By embracing change and showing interest in their evolving passions, we show our grandchildren that we value them as individuals and respect their growth. This not only strengthens our bond but also builds their self-esteem and confidence.
3) Authenticity
Is there anything more refreshing than honesty?
Authenticity plays a crucial role in building strong, meaningful relationships. And this holds true even, or perhaps especially, with our grandchildren.
Carl Jung, one of the most influential psychologists of all time, once said, “The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” Being authentic means showing our true selves to our grandchildren – the good, the bad, and everything in between.
It’s easy to want to present only the best parts of ourselves to our grandchildren, to be the hero or the wise sage. But our grandchildren can learn much more from us if we show them that it’s okay to be flawed. It’s okay to make mistakes and to admit when we’re wrong.
I recall a time when I made a promise to my granddaughter to attend her school play but ended up missing it due to a work commitment.
Instead of making up an excuse, I apologized sincerely and admitted my mistake. She appreciated my honesty and we used the situation as a learning opportunity for both of us.
Being genuine and truthful is not always easy, but it can profoundly impact our relationships with our grandchildren. It teaches them the value of honesty and gives them the courage to be authentic themselves.
4) Active listening
Active listening is a crucial habit that makes a significant difference in how loved your grandchildren feel by you.
In a study, it was found that active listening not only improves communication but also strengthens relationships. It involves not just hearing but understanding, responding, and remembering what is being said.
Consider this scenario: your grandchild excitedly tells you about their day at school. You might be tempted to give advice or share a similar story. But what if you just listened? What if you asked follow-up questions to show that you’re genuinely interested in what they’re saying?
Active listening shows your grandchild that their thoughts and feelings are important to you. It fosters a sense of respect and understanding, which can greatly enhance your bond.
So next time your grandchild opens up to you, try active listening. You might be surprised at how such a simple act can deepen your connection with them.
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5) Encouraging independence
One of the most rewarding aspects of grandparenting for me has been watching my grandchildren grow and develop their independence.
I remember when my granddaughter was learning to tie her shoelaces. It would have been easy for me to step in and do it for her. Instead, I sat by her side, encouraging her as she fumbled and struggled. When she finally did it on her own, the pride on her face was priceless.
By encouraging independence in our grandchildren, we not only help them develop vital life skills but also show them that we believe in their abilities. This can significantly boost their self-confidence and make them feel loved and supported.
6) Showing vulnerability
While it may seem counterintuitive, showing vulnerability can actually strengthen your bond with your grandchildren.
Brené Brown, a research professor at the University of Houston, has spent years studying vulnerability. She famously said, “Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.”
As grandparents, we often feel like we should always have the answers, always be strong. But there’s power in showing our grandchildren that it’s okay to not know everything. It’s okay to be scared or unsure sometimes.
I once shared with my grandson about a time when I had failed at something I was passionate about. It was a difficult story to tell, but it opened up a conversation about failure, resilience, and courage.
He saw me not just as his grandparent but as a human being who also had fears and setbacks.
Showing vulnerability to our grandchildren can create deeper connections and teach them valuable lessons about resilience and the reality of human emotions.
7) Expressing love openly
Expressing love openly and frequently is a habit that can make a world of difference. As psychologist Virginia Satir once said, “We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.”
Never underestimate the power of a heartfelt “I love you” or a warm hug. These simple expressions of love can provide your grandchildren with a sense of security and belonging that they will carry with them throughout their lives.
Final reflections
The bond between grandparents and grandchildren is unique and irreplaceable. It’s a relationship that transcends time and generations, offering lessons of wisdom, love, and compassion.
The habits we’ve discussed play a significant role in nurturing this bond. They are not just practices but pathways to deeper connections and richer experiences with our grandchildren.
Being present, embracing change, being authentic, listening actively, encouraging independence, showing vulnerability, and expressing love openly – these are actions that transform us from being just grandparents to becoming treasured figures in our grandchildren’s lives.
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As we reflect on these habits, let’s remember that our influence on our grandchildren extends beyond the here and now. The love we share and the lessons we impart shape their lives in ways we might never fully comprehend. Such is the beauty and responsibility of grandparenting.
So, let’s cherish every moment we have with our grandchildren, knowing that in every interaction lies an opportunity to make a lasting impact on their lives. In doing so, we don’t just earn their love; we help shape their future.
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