We all know that words matter. The way we speak can say a lot about us, and it’s not always flattering.
Psychology tells us that certain phrases are common among low-quality people. These are the folks who may be lacking in emotional intelligence or maturity, who may not be the best at managing their relationships or their lives.
I’m not here to manipulate or judge, but to shed some light on these phrases. By understanding them, we might learn to communicate more effectively, to understand others better, and maybe even improve ourselves.
Here’s a look at the 7 phrases low-quality people use in everyday conversation, according to psychology.
1) “You always…” or “You never…”
In the field of psychology, there’s a concept known as “absolute language”. This is when someone uses words like “always” or “never” in their conversations.
These words are typically used to exaggerate or overgeneralize, and they are often a sign of low-quality communication.
When someone starts a sentence with “You always…” or “You never…”, they are usually not opening a conversation but closing it. They are passing judgment and making an evaluation. This kind of language can put people on the defensive and shuts down open dialogue.
Understanding this can help us not only identify low-quality communication but also strive towards more mindful and constructive conversations.
2) “I’m just saying…”
Ever been in a conversation where someone drops a rather harsh or critical comment and then quickly follows up with, “I’m just saying…”? I have, and it’s not the most pleasant of experiences.
“I’m just saying…” is a phrase that often cloaks criticism in the guise of innocent observation. It’s a way for people to voice negative opinions without having to take full responsibility for them.
When someone uses “I’m just saying…”, they’re focusing on flaws or problems in others, rather than communicating constructively.
A while back, a friend of mine used this phrase when commenting on my habit of running late. “You’re always late, I’m just saying…” she said. It felt more like a judgement than a friendly observation.
A simple, “Could we try to be on time?” would have been much more effective and less confrontational.
Understanding this phrase and its implications can help us navigate our conversations better and maybe even improve our relationships along the way.
3) “Whatever”
Ever been in the middle of a heated discussion when the other person simply shrugs and says, “Whatever”? It’s frustrating, isn’t it?
“Whatever” is often used as a conversation stopper. It’s a word that screams indifference and disinterest. It suggests that the speaker doesn’t value your opinion or isn’t invested enough in the conversation to engage properly.
The phrase “whatever” is the exact opposite of this. It blocks any chance of understanding and empathy – key ingredients for meaningful communication.
I remember once being in a serious discussion about future plans with a former partner. When I expressed my concerns, they just responded with a nonchalant “whatever”. It was hurtful and dismissive.
So, let’s try to avoid “whatever” in our conversations. Instead, let’s strive for understanding, respect, and genuine listening – because our words do matter.
4) “That’s not my problem”
The phrase “That’s not my problem” might seem like an assertion of boundaries, but it’s often a sign of a lack of empathy and unwillingness to help. It’s a phrase that separates us from others, suggesting we’re not interested in their issues or concerns.
A study found that individuals who regularly use phrases like “That’s not my problem” tend to score lower on measures of empathy and pro-social behavior.
This means they are less likely to understand others’ feelings or to engage in acts of kindness and helpfulness.
In a work scenario, for example, a team member might be struggling with their workload. If another team member responds with “That’s not my problem”, it can create a hostile work environment and hinder team cohesion.
Let’s aim to replace “That’s not my problem” with more empathetic responses. Even if we can’t directly help, simply acknowledging the issue can go a long way in fostering better connections.
5) “It’s all your fault”
Blaming others is a classic sign of low-quality communication. The phrase “It’s all your fault” is particularly damaging, as it places the entire responsibility for a problem or issue onto the other person.
I remember in my early career, I had a boss who loved this phrase. Whenever anything went wrong, his go-to response was to find someone to blame, often declaring, “It’s all your fault.” It created a culture of fear and defensiveness, rather than fostering growth and learning from mistakes.
Dr. Brené Brown, a research professor at the University of Houston and bestselling author, has spent years studying vulnerability and empathy. She once said, “Blame has an inverse relationship with accountability.”
Blame doesn’t solve problems or build relationships; it only pushes people away.
So let’s aim to take responsibility where it’s due and avoid pointing fingers. After all, we’re all human and we all make mistakes. What matters is how we learn from them and move forward.
6) “I’m fine”
Now, this might seem counterintuitive. How could saying “I’m fine” be a sign of low-quality communication? It’s not about the words themselves, but rather the context in which they are used.
Often, “I’m fine” becomes a default response when we’re asked how we are, even if we’re far from fine. It’s a way to avoid opening up about our feelings or problems, to shut down potential dialogue.
Famed psychologist Carl Jung once said, “Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.” By habitually responding with “I’m fine”, we might be ignoring our inner emotions and preventing meaningful interactions with others.
We all have moments when we don’t feel like sharing, and that’s okay. But if “I’m fine” has become your automatic response, it might be worth exploring why that is and what you could do differently.
Authenticity in communication fosters trust and connection, so let’s strive for that instead.
7) “I don’t care”
“I don’t care” is a phrase that can instantly put a damper on any conversation. It signals a lack of interest or empathy and can make the other person feel dismissed.
Alfred Adler, a psychologist and founder of the school of individual psychology, once said, “Empathy is seeing with the eyes of another, listening with the ears of another, and feeling with the heart of another.”
Saying “I don’t care” goes against empathy. Let’s strive for more understanding in our conversations and leave this phrase out of our daily communication.
Final reflections
Our daily conversations can be a mirror, reflecting not just our thoughts and opinions, but also our emotional intelligence and personal growth.
The phrases we’ve explored are not just words, but potential red flags of low-quality communication. Recognizing them isn’t about judging others or ourselves, but about understanding the subtle nuances of human interaction.
When we shift from “It’s all your fault” to “Let’s work on this together”, or from “I don’t care” to “Tell me more”, we’re not just changing our vocabulary. We’re evolving in the way we relate to others, showing empathy, and fostering meaningful connections.
So let’s reflect on our conversations. Are there phrases we could change? Are there ways we could communicate more effectively?
As we journey through this introspective path, remember that with every word we speak, we have the power to build bridges or walls. The choice is ours.
