Let’s be real—some folks just never learned the fine art of conversation.
It’s not always their fault.
Maybe they were raised in an environment where small talk didn’t matter.
Maybe they rely on outdated habits that no longer work.
Or maybe, deep down, they’re just socially anxious and don’t realize the things they say are quietly pushing people away.
Whatever the reason, there are certain phrases I’ve heard over the years—at dinner tables, work meetings, even standing in line at the post office—that tend to signal someone’s struggling a bit in the social department.
You’ve probably heard a few of these before. And who knows—you might even recognize one or two in your own conversations.
Let’s get into ’em.
1. “I’m just saying…”
This one almost always comes after someone’s made a snide or unhelpful comment.
“I’m just saying, you probably shouldn’t wear that to work.”
“I’m just saying, not everyone would’ve made that choice.”
It’s a way to deflect responsibility while still getting the jab in. Folks with strong social awareness usually know how to offer feedback without tacking on a phrase that sounds like an excuse for bad manners.
2. “That’s not how I would do it”
Nobody asked.
Now, that may sound harsh, but this kind of unsolicited opinion often comes across as condescending—even when it’s meant to be helpful.
People with better-developed social instincts know that timing and tone matter.
There’s a world of difference between, “Want to hear another approach I’ve used?” and barging in with “You’re doing it wrong.”
3. “You look tired”
I’ll never understand why this became a common thing to say.
Unless someone’s specifically bringing up their exhaustion, pointing out how tired or run-down they look doesn’t help anyone. It usually just makes the person feel worse—and a bit self-conscious on top of it.
A better approach? Ask how they’re doing, or offer to lend a hand. That’s where connection starts.
4. “Relax” or “Calm down”
You want to escalate a situation fast? Tell someone to calm down when they’re upset.
This one can instantly shut down emotional safety in a conversation. It’s dismissive and patronizing, even if that’s not the intent.
I once watched a friend tell his wife to “relax” during a minor disagreement about vacation plans. Her face tightened. The conversation didn’t recover.
Sometimes, being socially skilled means biting your tongue—and choosing empathy over control.
5. “No offense, but…”
If you have to preface a sentence like this, offense is probably coming.
This phrase is a classic example of someone trying to soften the blow of something they know is going to land poorly. But it doesn’t work. People remember what came after the “but.”
It’s far better to own your opinion and deliver it with tact, or just not say it at all.
6. “I don’t care”
Now here’s one that shows up more often than you’d expect—usually when someone’s trying to look cool or unfazed.
But in conversation, saying “I don’t care” often kills the mood. It signals disengagement.
Even if you really don’t have a strong opinion about the pizza topping or which movie to watch, there are better ways to say it. Try, “I’m easy—whatever you prefer is fine with me.” That keeps things open, not closed off.
7. “That’s just how I am”
This one tends to pop up after someone’s been called out for being rude, blunt, or overly critical.
It’s a way of shutting down accountability by framing poor behavior as a personality trait. But here’s the thing—good social skills are about adjusting, not defending habits that hurt others.
I remember years ago when I was managing a team at work, we had a guy named Carl who was technically brilliant but had the subtlety of a sledgehammer. If someone made a mistake, Carl would call it out in front of everyone—no filter, no compassion.
One day I pulled him aside and gently suggested he try giving feedback more privately. His response? “That’s just how I am. I say what needs to be said.”
But the truth was, his “style” was costing him the trust and cooperation of the entire team. It wasn’t until his work started suffering—because no one wanted to collaborate with him—that he finally started listening.
The point is, “That’s just how I am” is often code for “I don’t want to grow.” And in social settings, that resistance usually ends up pushing people away.
8. “It’s not a big deal”
Maybe it’s not—for you. But when someone is upset, brushing off their feelings with “It’s not a big deal” only makes them feel unseen.
Empathy starts with allowing someone to feel what they feel, without rushing to minimize it.
I’ve mentioned in a previous post that emotional intelligence often begins with curiosity. And part of that means asking, “Why is this bothering them?” rather than saying, “They’re overreacting.”
9. “Why are you so sensitive?”
This one hits hard.
It takes someone’s vulnerability and turns it into a flaw. People with below-average social skills often use this line as a defense mechanism—because they don’t know how to handle someone else’s emotional reaction.
The reality is, labeling someone “too sensitive” rarely helps. It just builds walls. Socially aware folks know there’s usually a story behind a strong emotional response.
10. “Whatever”
I can’t count how many times I’ve seen this one bring a conversation to a dead stop.
“Whatever” is a conversation killer. It signals indifference, frustration, or passive-aggressiveness. Sometimes all three.
If someone uses “whatever” as a default response to disagreement or discomfort, it’s often because they haven’t learned healthier ways to express themselves—or they don’t feel equipped to stay in the conversation.
Social skills aren’t about having the perfect comeback. They’re about knowing how to stay present, even when things get uncomfortable.
Final thought
Look, I’m not perfect and I am still learning too, but here’s what I’ve picked up over the years: conversations are rarely about getting it exactly right.
They’re about intention. About care.
People remember how you made them feel—not just what you said.
So here’s a little question to carry with you:
When you talk, are you building bridges—or quietly burning them down without realizing it?
It might be worth paying attention to.
