When someone leans on you for advice, it’s because they trust you.
When someone spills their guts, it’s because they feel comfortable with you.
That’s the basics of friendship.
But let’s be real, it can get exhausting being the go-to therapist for all your friends.
You love them, sure, but you’re not exactly trained for this.
Some folks can juggle this role better than others.
Yet, it’s possible for anyone to set boundaries without losing those important relationships.
Trust me, it’s simpler than you think. Let’s dive in…
1) Recognize your limits
Everyone has a threshold.
A point beyond which things start to get a little too heavy.
And when you’re the friend who’s always listening, always comforting, that threshold can be crossed quite frequently.
It’s not your fault. It’s just how it is when you’re empathetic and caring.
But here’s the kicker – you’re allowed to recognize your limits. You’re allowed to say, “Enough is enough.”
Recognizing your limits doesn’t mean you’re weak or any less of a friend. It simply means you’re human.
And guess what? That’s okay.
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The first step to stop being the therapist friend without losing everyone you love is accepting this fact.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. Understand that it’s okay to say you’re not in the right headspace to offer advice or comfort at times.
Just remember, you’re not alone in this. We all have our limits.
2) Learn to say “no”
You know, this reminds me of a time when I was in college.
My roommate, let’s call her Sarah, was going through a rough patch. Every day, she would come to me with a new problem.
A fight with her boyfriend, issues with her family, the stress of studies… you name it.
I was always there for her, lending an ear and offering comfort whenever I could. And why wouldn’t I?
She was my friend. But over time, I realized that it was taking a toll on my mental health.
One day, she came to me after a particularly nasty fight with her boyfriend. She was upset and needed someone to talk to.
But I…I just couldn’t do it. I was drained and dealing with my own issues.
So, I did something that I had never done before. I told her “no”.
I explained that while I cared about what she was going through, I couldn’t be the one to help her at that moment.
It wasn’t easy and it felt uncomfortable, but it was necessary for me.
Saying “no” doesn’t mean you don’t care about your friends. It just means you’re taking care of yourself first.
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And trust me, your true friends will understand.
3) Encourage professional help
Here’s something to ponder – according to the World Health Organization, there is approximately one psychologist available for every 10,000 people in some countries.
That’s quite a staggering ratio when you think about the number of people requiring mental health support.
As a friend, it’s natural to want to help when you see someone struggling.
But let’s be clear, you’re not trained to handle severe emotional distress or mental health issues.
When someone constantly relies on you for emotional help, it might be time to gently encourage them to seek professional guidance.
Psychologists and therapists are equipped with the skills and knowledge to deal with complex emotional problems.
They can provide the necessary strategies and tools to cope with mental health issues that a friend, despite their best intentions, simply cannot.
It’s not about pushing them away; it’s about guiding them towards the help they need.
4) Set boundaries
Setting boundaries may sound harsh, but it’s actually an act of self-preservation.
Like a garden that needs fences to protect it from pests and intruders, your mental space also needs boundaries to keep it healthy and thriving.
Sure, it might be a little uncomfortable at first, especially if you’re used to always being available for your friends.
But establishing clear lines about what you can and cannot do for them is crucial for your own well-being.
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It can be as simple as telling them that you cannot talk about certain topics, or that after 9 pm, you need time for yourself.
Or perhaps you could limit the time you spend on calls or messages.
Knowing where to draw the line not only helps keep your mental health in check but also teaches others to respect your personal space and time.
It’s a win-win.
5) Practice self-care
Now, this is something I cannot stress enough – self-care is not selfish.
I used to feel guilty about taking time for myself, especially when my friends were in need.
But eventually, I realized that I can’t pour from an empty cup.
It’s like when you’re on an airplane, and they tell you to put on your oxygen mask first before assisting others.
It’s not because you don’t want to help the person next to you. It’s because if you run out of air, you won’t be able to help anyone else.
So, I started prioritizing self-care.
I made sure to take time each day for activities that recharged me – be it a morning jog, a hot bath at the end of the day, or just some quiet time with a good book.
And guess what? It worked.
I was more balanced, less stressed, and even better equipped to help my friends when they needed me.
Taking care of yourself is the first step towards being able to take care of others.
6) Share your own struggles
In a twist of irony, one of the best ways to stop being the therapist friend is actually to open up about your own struggles.
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You see, when you’re always the listener, people can forget that you also have your own challenges and feelings to deal with.
By sharing your own experiences, you remind them that you too are human, with your own ups and downs.
This doesn’t mean you have to spill your guts every time someone comes to you for advice.
Rather, it’s about creating a more balanced dynamic where both parties can share and support each other equally.
By doing so, you can subtly shift the narrative from being the ‘therapist friend’ to just being a ‘friend’.
After all, friendship is a two-way street.
7) Foster independence
Empowerment is a gift that keeps on giving.
Being there for a friend in need is admirable, but teaching them how to navigate through their issues independently is even more beneficial in the long run.
Encourage your friends to develop problem-solving skills. Guide them to explore different perspectives and solutions.
Instead of always providing answers, ask them thought-provoking questions that help them figure things out on their own.
By fostering independence, you’re not just easing your own load as the therapist friend, but you’re also helping your friends grow stronger and more resilient. It’s a win for all!
8) Remember, you’re a friend, not a fixer
This is perhaps the most important thing to remember – you are a friend, not a fixer.
Your role is to provide support, comfort, and companionship. It’s not your job to solve everyone’s problems or heal their emotional wounds.
Yes, it’s great to be there for your friends when they need you. But don’t feel obligated to carry their burdens on your shoulders.
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You can care about your friends, listen to them, and wish them well without taking on the responsibility of fixing their lives.
Keep this in mind, and you’ll strike a healthier balance in your relationships.
Wrapping up
As we reach the end of this journey, it’s important to reflect on the fact that being the therapist friend is not a role you’re bound to indefinitely.
The essence of friendship isn’t about one person constantly supporting the other. It’s about mutual understanding, shared experiences, and equality.
Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your own mental health. It’s okay to say no.
It’s okay to set boundaries.
And most importantly, it’s okay to be just a friend who doesn’t have all the answers and solutions.
Be a friend to yourself first. The rest will follow naturally.
In the words of Eleanor Roosevelt, “Friendship with oneself is all important because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world.”
As you navigate through your relationships, always remember that you are not just a shoulder to lean on but a person with your own emotions, needs, and limitations.
And that’s perfectly okay.
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