If your adult child seems distant, it’s not always about rebellion. Sometimes, it’s the emotional habits you unknowingly exhibit.
Understanding human emotions is tricky, and when it comes to family dynamics, it can get even trickier.
Particularly, when you’re trying to figure out why your grown-up child seems to be pulling away.
But don’t worry. There are eight emotional habits that might be causing this rift. Identifying these could be your first step towards mending your relationship.
1) Unwanted advice
It’s natural to want to guide your child, even when they’re an adult.
But sometimes, our intentions can get misunderstood, turning guidance into what may seem like unnecessary meddling.
As parents, we might think we’re offering a helping hand, but in reality, our adult children might see it as an encroachment on their independence.
And that’s hard for them.
Just imagine. They’re trying to navigate their own lives, make their own decisions, and here we are—interjecting with unsolicited advice.
It can be frustrating, and often leads to them pulling away.
The first step towards resolving this? Recognize that your adult child is capable of making their own decisions. Let them know you trust their judgment.
It’s tough, I know. But it’s a start.
2) Overbearing expectations
I’ll admit, I’ve been guilty of this.
In my mind, I always pictured my daughter as a successful lawyer. I thought it was the perfect path for her—stable, respected, well-paying.
But she had other plans. She wanted to be a writer—a novelist to be exact.
Get Smarter Everyday Join Us On WhatsApp
Initially, I struggled to accept her choice. I would subtly (and sometimes not-so-subtly) try to sway her into considering law school.
I’d talk about the stability it would provide, the doors it would open for her.
But all it did was drive a wedge between us.
She felt I wasn’t acknowledging her own dreams and ambitions. That I was forcing my own expectations onto her.
I realized that my overbearing expectations were causing her to pull away, even though she loved me.
That’s when I learned to let go. To trust in her ability to chart her own path. And you know what? She’s now a successful author and couldn’t be happier.
Remember, your expectations should never overshadow your child’s dreams.
3) Excessive criticism
Nobody likes to be criticized constantly. It can be demoralizing and hurtful, especially when it comes from someone you deeply care about—like a parent.
Research shows that constant criticism can lead to lower self-esteem, increased anxiety, and can even contribute to depression.
When we continually point out our adult child’s mistakes or shortcomings, we’re not motivating them to do better. Instead, we’re pushing them away.
Being constructively critical is one thing. But when it gets excessive, it’s time to reassess our approach. Always remember, encouragement goes a longer way than criticism.
4) Not respecting boundaries
Setting boundaries is a fundamental part of any relationship, including the one between parents and their adult children.
It’s about understanding and respecting each other’s personal space, time, and decisions.
But when we, as parents, fail to respect these boundaries, it can lead to feelings of resentment and frustration in our children.
Get Smarter Everyday Join Us On WhatsApp
For example, dropping by unannounced or insisting on being involved in every aspect of their life can be suffocating for them.
Remember, your adult child is not just your kid anymore—they’re an independent individual with their own life. Respecting their boundaries can help maintain a healthy and loving relationship.
5) Failing to listen
This one hits close to home for me.
I’ve always been a talker, eager to share my thoughts, experiences, and advice. But I’ve realized that sometimes, my eagerness to talk overflows into my listening time.
One day, my son told me, “Mom, you never listen. You just wait for your turn to talk.” And that hit me hard.
I realized that by not genuinely listening to what he had to say, I was missing out on understanding his perspective, his feelings, and his experiences.
Listening isn’t just about being silent while the other person talks—it’s about showing genuine interest in what they’re saying.
It’s something I’m still working on, but I’ve seen the positive change in our relationship since I’ve made the effort. Trust me, nothing screams “I care” more than lending a patient ear to your adult child.
6) Trying too hard to be their friend
It might seem like the best way to bond with your adult child is by becoming their best friend. After all, friends share everything, right?
But here’s the catch—while friendship is an important aspect of any parent-child relationship, trying too hard to be their friend can blur the lines of your roles.
Your adult child needs a parent as much as they need a friend. They need someone who can provide guidance, wisdom, and a sense of stability.
Strive for a balance between being a friend who they can confide in and a parent who they can rely on. It might seem like a delicate dance, but it’s one worth learning for the sake of your relationship.
7) Not acknowledging their adulthood
As parents, it can be tough to acknowledge that our little ones aren’t so little anymore. They grow up, become adults, and start making their own decisions.
Treating them as the children they once were can be frustrating for them. It makes them feel like you’re not acknowledging their growth or their ability to handle life on their own.
Get Smarter Everyday Join Us On WhatsApp
Remember, your adult child is just that—an adult. They’re capable of making decisions, facing challenges, and learning from their mistakes.
So, let them. Give them the space they need to flourish as adults. It might be hard letting go, but it’s essential for their growth—and your relationship.
8) Neglecting to express love and appreciation
At the end of the day, your adult child, just like anyone else, wants to feel loved and appreciated.
No matter how old they get, they still need to hear that you’re proud of them, that you love them and appreciate their efforts.
These expressions of love and appreciation can fortify your bond and reassure them of your unwavering support.
Don’t underestimate the power of saying “I love you” or “I’m proud of you”. It might seem simple, but it can make a world of difference.
Final thoughts
If you’re reading this, chances are you care deeply about your relationship with your adult child.
Remember, it’s not about blame. It’s about understanding, adjusting, and growing—for the sake of a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.
At the heart of it all, the key is respect—for their autonomy, their decisions, and their journey towards adulthood.
Parenting doesn’t come with a manual. We learn as we go, making mistakes and learning from them.
And that’s okay.
Your love for your child is evident in your willingness to reflect, learn, and change. That alone makes you an exceptional parent.
So take a moment. Reflect on your own emotional habits and how they might be affecting your adult child.
Remember—change starts with awareness. And you’ve already taken the first step by being here.
Get Smarter Everyday Join Us On WhatsApp
