Life is a journey of self-discovery and, like any journey, it’s filled with twists and turns, highs and lows, and plenty of surprises.
Through it all, we constantly evolve, shedding old versions of ourselves to make way for the new.
But here’s the thing: Each transformation doesn’t come without its share of grief.
We often end up mourning the loss of who we once were before we can fully embrace who we’re becoming.
Psychology backs this up: It suggests that there are seven distinct versions of yourself you’ll grieve before you finally uncover your truest self.
This may sound a bit heavy, I know, but stay with me!
Understanding these seven stages can provide a roadmap to navigate your personal growth journey more effectively.
So, let’s dig in and get to know these seven versions—not with sadness, but with acceptance and anticipation for the person you’re destined to be:
1) The innocent child
Before anything else, we need to confront and grieve the loss of our innocent child self.
You know, that version of you that saw the world through wide, unjaded eyes, believing in magic and fairy tales and a world where everyone was kind.
As we grow older, reality begins to chip away at that innocence.
We experience hardships and pain, disappointments and betrayals—and, bit by bit, that childlike wonder fades away.
This is perhaps one of the most profound losses we experience in our personal growth journey.
As we shed this innocence, we are forced to confront a world that is far from perfect.
It’s a necessary part of growing up, but it doesn’t make it any less painful.
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As famed psychologist Carl Jung once said, “There is no coming to consciousness without pain.”
Indeed, the loss of this innocent self is often our first painful step toward self-awareness and growth.
Accepting this loss is about embracing a more realistic understanding of the world while holding onto the positive aspects of our childlike wonder.
2) The invincible teenager
We think we’re immune to life’s hardships and that we can take on the world single-handedly.
I remember my teenage years, filled with rebellious energy and a sense of invincibility; I was convinced I had all the answers and that I could handle anything life threw at me.
Looking back, I realize how naive I was—as we grow older, reality checks in.
We experience setbacks, failures, and realize that life doesn’t always go as planned.
Slowly, the invincible teenager within us starts to fade away.
This can be a difficult loss to accept, but it’s an important step towards maturity and personal development.
Psychologist Erik Erikson once said, “Life doesn’t make any sense without interdependence. We need each other, and the sooner we learn that, the better for us all.”
This is a vital lesson we learn in shedding our invincible teen self – we’re not alone in this journey and it’s okay to ask for help when we need it.
Acknowledging this version of ourselves and letting it go is about embracing our vulnerabilities and our interdependence on others.
It’s a step towards a more mature and realistic understanding of ourselves and the world around us.
3) The idealistic dreamer
Have you ever chased a dream so passionately, only to realize later on that it wasn’t really what you wanted?
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This is the version of ourselves that’s driven by passion and ambition, often tied to societal expectations or personal fantasies.
We chase these dreams relentlessly—believing that achieving them will bring us happiness and fulfillment—but, along the way, we may realize that these dreams aren’t truly ours.
They may be based on what society expects of us, or they may be fantasies that don’t align with our true desires and values.
This realization can be heart-wrenching.
We grieve for the time and energy we’ve invested in chasing these dreams; we mourn the loss of this idealistic dreamer self.
Yet, it can also be liberating.
As we let go of these ill-fitting dreams, we can begin to discover our genuine passions and aspirations.
Famed psychologist Abraham Maslow once said, “What a man can be, he must be.” This means acknowledging our true potential and aligning our dreams with our authentic selves.
Letting go of the idealistic dreamer is not about giving up on our dreams.
Instead, it’s about finding the courage to pursue dreams that are truly ours, even if they’re not as grand or glamorous as we once imagined.
4) The perfectionist
The perfectionist within us sets high standards and expectations, often to the point of being unrealistic or unattainable.
While this can drive us to achieve great things, it can also lead to excessive stress, anxiety, and even feelings of failure when we fall short.
Grieving the loss of our perfectionist self can be a daunting process as we might feel like we’re letting go of our drive or ambition.
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However, it’s important to remember that striving for excellence and striving for perfection are two different things.
Letting go of the perfectionist allows us to embrace a healthier attitude towards achievement—one where we celebrate progress rather than obsess over flawless results.
It’s about understanding that it’s okay to be human, to make mistakes and learn from them.
This shift in mindset can lead to greater self-acceptance, improved mental health, and ultimately a more fulfilling life.
5) The people pleaser
This is the version of us that’s always saying yes, always striving to make others happy, often at the expense of our own needs and desires.
I’ll admit, there was a time when I would bend over backward to please others, even if it meant compromising my own happiness.
It took me a while to realize that I was losing myself in the process.
Renowned psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
Saying goodbye to the people pleaser within us begins with self-acceptance as it’s about understanding that it’s okay to put ourselves first sometimes—setting boundaries and respecting our own needs and desires.
It paves the way for self-love, self-respect, and ultimately, a greater sense of fulfillment and authenticity.
6) The fearful avoider
We might avoid taking risks or stepping out of our comfort zone, fearing failure or rejection.
It might sound counterintuitive, but sometimes, we need to grieve this fear-driven self.
Why? Because this fear often holds us back from reaching our full potential and living a fulfilling life.
It’s not about becoming fearless—fear is a natural human emotion—but, instead, it’s about learning to act despite our fears and understanding that failure and rejection are a part of life.
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7) The future self
We all have ideas of who we want to become in the future, and these can sometimes cloud our present reality and happiness.
Letting go of an overly-idealized future self allows us to live more fully in the present, appreciating who we are now and the journey we’re on.
It’s about finding balance between aspiring growth and cherishing the present.
Final reflections
Navigating the journey of self-discovery is a complex process, filled with transformation and growth.
We shed versions of ourselves, grieving their loss as we evolve.
As we mourn each version, we make space for our truest self to emerge.
It’s an ongoing process of self-awareness and acceptance, one that takes courage and resilience.
Take a moment to reflect on these seven versions of yourself: Which ones have you let go? Which ones are you still holding onto? More importantly, how have they shaped the person you are today?
This reflection is not just about understanding our past but about paving the way for our future—a future where we embody our truest, most authentic selves.
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