I still remember the first time I heard a parent say, “I was wrong— I’m sorry.”

It happened in a café in Lisbon while I was writing on deadline.

A boy accidentally knocked over his mother’s coffee, and she apologized to him for placing the cup too close to the edge.

My jaw almost hit the table.

That quick apology felt strange, almost revolutionary, because I grew up in a house where mistakes were brushed aside or blamed on the nearest target.

If this scene feels familiar, you’re not alone.

When apologies are missing, many of us adopt verbal “armor” to survive uncomfortable moments.

Below are seven common phrases I hear from clients—and yes, I’ve used a few myself—when the habit of apology was absent at home.

1. “It’s fine, don’t worry about it”

This phrase sounds polite, but it often hides a clenched jaw and a suppressed feeling.

By saying “it’s fine,” we skip the messy work of naming our real emotion—whether that’s frustration, hurt, or disappointment.

Over time, that unspoken tension can show up as chronic muscle tightness or unexplained fatigue.

Studies have linked habitual emotional suppression to elevated cortisol levels throughout the day.

Suppressing pain protects us in the moment, yet it prevents others from truly knowing us.

It can also reinforce the belief that our discomfort isn’t valid, which quietly chips away at our sense of worth.

Next time “it’s fine” dances on your tongue, try replacing it with “I’m okay, but I do feel ___ about what happened.”

Giving the feeling a name is an act of self-respect.

2. “I guess I’m just overreacting”

I used this line throughout my twenties.

It helped me shrink an emotion before anyone else could criticize it.

But labeling yourself as “too much” is a fast track to self-doubt.

Therapist and researcher Marsha Linehan calls this cycle “self-invalidation,” noting that it “erodes the bridge between experience and expression.”

A long-term study on emotional invalidation found that adults who minimized their feelings as children were more likely to develop anxiety disorders later in life.

This phrase not only blocks authentic communication but makes it harder for others to truly support you.

Try pausing after the urge to over-apologize and ask, “What would it mean to take my feeling at face value right now?”

You may notice your shoulders drop.

3. “Whatever. It doesn’t matter”

“Whatever” is the verbal equivalent of throwing up a wall.

It ends the conversation in two syllables and keeps vulnerability at bay.

As Brené Brown once noted, “Clear is kind.”

When we choose vagueness, we dodge conflict and clarity.

I see this phrase surface when people fear being burdensome.

But stonewalling drains intimacy from relationships.

It may feel easier in the short term to disengage, but doing so consistently creates distance and misunderstanding.

Try the sentence, “I’m not ready to talk about this just yet, but I do want to come back to it.”

It preserves connection without forcing immediacy.

4. “Sorry—my bad” (on repeat)

Apologizing all the time can look like humility, yet it often masks a deeper fear of conflict.

Growing up without hearing authentic apologies conditions us to perform them excessively—even for things that aren’t our fault.

Before we finish exploring this point, here’s a quick self-check:

• Are you saying “sorry” when someone else bumps into you?
• Do you apologize for taking up digital space with a long text?
• Have you ever apologized to a flight attendant for turbulence?

If you nodded to any of those, you may be using apology as armor rather than as repair.

A recent piece in Psychology Today highlighted how chronic apologizers experience higher rates of social exhaustion over time.

It’s not the apology that’s the problem—it’s the reflex to always assume blame.

Replacing reflexive apologies with “thank you for your patience” shifts the focus from self-blame to mutual respect.

5. “Let’s just move on”

This phrase feels efficient, but speed can be a disguise for avoidance.

In my marriage, I noticed I said this when I feared that lingering might open old wounds.

Moving on is healthy after both sides feel heard.

On the other hand, pushing forward without pause can lead to an emotional backlog—one that eventually bursts at the wrong time.

Take a breath and ask, “What do we each need to feel ready to move forward?”

You might be surprised by how short—but meaningful—the answer is.

6. “I’m used to it”

We speak this line with a shrug, but the subtext is resignation.

Habituation keeps us from requesting change.

As Thich Nhat Hanh reminded his students, “People have a hard time letting go of suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.”

When you say “I’m used to it,” you confirm the status quo and silence possibility.

Mindfulness teacher Tara Brach calls the antidote radical acceptance, which begins with seeing the pattern without merging with it.

This phrase often hides grief—grief for the version of you that learned to tolerate instead of ask.

Try swapping “I’m used to it” for “I notice this keeps happening, and I’d like to find another way.”

Naming the loop is the first step to stepping out of it.

7. “I shouldn’t have said anything”

We’re almost done, but this piece can’t be overlooked.

Regret is healthy when it sparks accountability; it’s harmful when it breeds self-censorship.

This phrase often follows a moment of honest expression met with defensiveness.

It’s a quick retreat back into silence.

It’s also one of the most self-punishing ways we shrink ourselves in relationships.

Instead, consider, “I see my words landed harder than I intended. Let’s try again.”

That keeps the door open without erasing your voice.

Final thoughts

Healing from a childhood without sincere apologies doesn’t happen overnight.

It’s daily work—sometimes hourly—to notice the small phrases we lean on and ask if they still serve us.

Yoga taught me that the body remembers everything, but it will also celebrate every new choice we make.

Replacing reflex with reflection builds the kind of emotional clarity many of us never saw modeled.

So the next time one of these coping lines slips out, pause, breathe, and decide whether you want to keep it or trade it for something truer.

Your future conversations—and relationships—are listening.