10 phrases a person will use when they’re quietly rooting for you to fail

Not everyone who smiles in your direction is truly happy for you.

Some folks cheer you on publicly—but privately, they’re hoping you trip. Not out of cartoon villainy, but out of insecurity, envy, or plain-old bitterness they’ve never dealt with.

And they won’t always come out and say it. In fact, they rarely do.

Instead, they hide it behind polite tones and casual comments. But if you listen closely—really listen—you’ll start to hear it in their phrasing. In the way they twist encouragement into doubt. In the way they subtly take the air out of your tires while pretending to hand you a map.

If you’ve ever walked away from a conversation feeling oddly deflated—like your excitement was just quietly drained out of you—chances are, you’ve encountered someone who’s rooting against you.

Here are a few phrases that tend to give them away.

1. “Are you sure you want to do that?”

On the surface, it sounds like concern.

But pay attention to the tone—and the timing.

When someone says this right after you’ve shared a dream, a goal, or a new direction, it’s less about curiosity and more about planting doubt.

A supportive person might ask, “How can I help you make that work?”
Someone rooting against you? They start with hesitation. And watch to see if you’ll second-guess yourself.

2. “That’s… ambitious.”

I’ve heard this one more times than I can count.

It usually comes with a raised eyebrow, maybe even a forced chuckle. And while the word itself isn’t negative, it’s often used as code for, “That sounds like a long shot, and I don’t think you’re up to it.”

Truly supportive people don’t act surprised when you aim high. They may ask questions, sure—but they do it with curiosity, not skepticism.

The ones hoping you’ll fall? They hide condescension behind polite vocabulary.

3. “Let’s see how long that lasts.”

Nothing says “I hope you burn out” like someone side-eyeing your effort and pretending it’s temporary.

You tell them you’ve started exercising regularly. They respond, “Let’s see how long that lasts.”

You say you’ve launched a new project. They go, “Well, you always start strong…”

These folks love the idea that your momentum is a phase—because it reassures them that they won’t be left behind for long.

4. “You’re really going to try that at your age?”

This one’s tricky because it preys on a common insecurity—feeling like you’ve missed your window.

The truth is, people of all ages reinvent themselves. Start new careers. Learn new skills. Fall in love with something unexpected.

But someone who’s rooting against you will try to use time as a weapon. They’ll question your right to grow, not because it’s unrealistic—but because they gave up on themselves and don’t want to watch you try again.

5. “Must be nice.”

This one’s pure resentment in disguise.

You tell them you’ve booked a trip, landed a promotion, bought a used car you’re proud of.

And instead of celebrating with you, they smirk and say, “Must be nice.”

Not “Good for you.” Not “Tell me more.” Just a sharp little barb wrapped in four words.

People who say this aren’t always bitter about your success—they’re bitter about their own stagnation. But instead of addressing that, they aim their frustration at you.

6. “I heard someone else tried that and it didn’t work out”

This is a classic deflation tactic.

You tell them you’re opening a small business, and they respond, “Oh, I know someone who did that and went bankrupt.”

You say you’re applying to a competitive program, and they reply, “I had a friend who applied—didn’t even get an interview.”

It’s not helpful. It’s not supportive. It’s a passive-aggressive way of saying, “What makes you think you’ll be the exception?”

But here’s the thing: every success story started with someone who tried anyway.

7. “That’s not really your thing though, is it?”

I once told someone I was thinking about teaching a writing workshop at the local library.

They paused, looked me over, and said, “That’s not really your thing though, is it?”

I’ll admit, it stung more than it should have.

What they were really saying was, “I don’t see you that way. And I hope you don’t prove me wrong.”

People who root against you love to keep you in the box they’ve put you in. When you try to step out, they call it “confusing” or “out of character.”

Truth is, it just threatens their version of who you’re allowed to be.

8. “Well, don’t get your hopes up”

They say it like they’re protecting you. But more often, they’re protecting themselves from having to watch you soar.

This phrase isn’t about caution—it’s about containment. It says, “Let’s keep expectations low, so I won’t have to watch you succeed beyond mine.”

People who care about you will let you dream. People who don’t? They’ll warn you to lower your hopes—even before you’ve taken the first step.

9. “If I were you…”

This one almost always leads to unsolicited advice you didn’t ask for, delivered with a side of superiority.

“If I were you, I wouldn’t risk it.”
“If I were you, I’d wait until you’re more established.”
“If I were you, I’d play it safe.”

Here’s the catch: they’re not you. They don’t know your heart. Your capacity. Your why.

But they’ll speak as if their hesitation should be yours.

10. “You’ve changed”

Now, sometimes this phrase is neutral—even positive.

But when it’s said with a slight edge, a disappointed look, or a tone that sounds more like accusation than observation—it’s not about your growth. It’s about their discomfort with it.

People who quietly hope you’ll fail don’t like when you evolve. Because it reminds them of what they haven’t done.

When they say, “You’ve changed,” what they often mean is, “You’re no longer staying small with me.”