Friends can either be assets or liabilities in our lives.
When a friend is an asset, they enrich your life, support you, and contribute to your growth. But when a friend becomes more of a liability, they drain you emotionally, financially or psychologically.
There’s a fine line between a friend who’s going through a tough time and one who’s consistently dragging you down. And it’s not always easy to tell the difference.
According to psychology, there are certain signs that can help us distinguish whether a friend is more of an asset or a liability.
In this article, we’ll explore 7 signs that a friend might be more of a liability than an asset in your life.
Remember, it’s all about balance. Understanding these signs isn’t just about making judgments; it’s about improving the quality of your relationships and ensuring they’re beneficial for everyone involved.
1) They’re always the victim
Have you ever noticed that some friends always find themselves the victim of every situation?
It’s like they have a dark cloud hovering over them, and they can’t seem to break free. No matter what the circumstances are, they are always on the receiving end of life’s challenges.
This is a significant sign that a friend might be more of a liability than an asset. It often means that instead of taking responsibility for their actions and decisions, they blame others or circumstances for their predicaments.
Psychologist Dr. Albert Ellis, famous for developing Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, once said:
“The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.”
If your friend is always playing the victim card, it might be time to reevaluate the role they play in your life.
2) They only take and never give
I had a friend once who always seemed to be in need. Whether it was needing a ride, needing to borrow some cash, or even just needing someone to vent to about her latest drama. It seemed like every interaction we had was somehow centered around her needs.
But when it came time for me to ask for help, she was always too busy or too caught up in her own problems. It felt very one-sided and ultimately, it drained me.
This kind of imbalance can be a big indicator that a friend is more of a liability than an asset.
If a friend isn’t willing to change or grow in ways that can help balance the friendship, it might be a sign that they’re holding you back more than they’re helping you move forward.
Friendships should be reciprocal. If you’re always giving and never receiving, you might need to reconsider the value of that relationship in your life.
3) They don’t respect your boundaries
Do you have a friend who seems to have no regard for your personal boundaries?
I’ve been there. I had a friend who would often show up unannounced at my place, constantly borrow my stuff without asking, and even share personal details about my life with others without my consent. It felt like my personal boundaries were constantly being crossed.
This lack of respect for personal boundaries is a major red flag. It shows a disregard for your comfort, privacy, and autonomy.
According to clinical psychologist Dr. Henry Cloud, “Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership.”
When a friend routinely crosses your boundaries, it might be time to consider whether they’re an asset or a liability in your life. Remember, respect is a fundamental pillar of any healthy relationship.
4) They’re not happy for your success
A true friend should be able to share in your joy and celebrate your successes with you. But what if your friend seems envious or indifferent when you achieve something?
I once received a promotion at work that I had been striving for. When I shared the news with a friend, instead of expressing happiness, he started to belittle my achievement and change the subject abruptly. It felt as though he couldn’t stand my success.
A study found that people’s responses to others’ successes can reveal a lot about the nature of their relationship.
The study found that individuals who reacted negatively to their friends’ successes were more likely to feel threatened, insecure, and high levels of relationship dissatisfaction.
If your friend can’t genuinely celebrate your achievements with you, it might be a sign that they’re more of a liability than an asset in your life. After all, friendship is about mutual support and upliftment.
5) They’re always negative
We all have bad days and sometimes, we just need to vent. But what if your friend is perpetually negative?
I had a friend who always seemed to see the glass half empty. Every conversation was filled with complaints, worries, and pessimistic views about life. It felt draining and over time, began to affect my own mood and outlook.
The renowned psychologist Martin Seligman, known for his work on learned helplessness and optimism, once said, “Optimism is invaluable for the meaningful life. With a firm belief in a positive future, you can throw yourself into the service of that which is larger than you are.”
If your friend’s negativity is draining your energy and impacting your own positivity, it might be a sign that they’re more of a liability than an asset in your life.
6) They agree with you on everything
Now, this might seem counterintuitive. After all, isn’t it great to have a friend who always agrees with you? But hear me out.
A friend who constantly agrees with everything you say or do, without ever offering a different perspective or challenging your thoughts, might not be as beneficial as you think.
I once had a friend who would always nod along with everything I said. At first, it felt good, like I was always right. But over time, I realized I wasn’t growing or learning anything new from this friendship.
If a friend never disagrees or challenges you, they may be robbing you of an opportunity to grow and understand yourself better.
So, if your friend is always in agreement with you, it might be a sign that they’re more of a liability than an asset in your life. Remember, true friends aren’t just cheerleaders; they’re also valuable critics.
7) They’re not there when you need them
The simplest yet most telling sign of a friend being a liability is their absence during your time of need.
A friend who is only present during the good times but disappears when you’re in a crisis is not providing the support characteristic of a true friendship.
As psychologist Dr. Brene Brown said, “Connection is why we’re here; it’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives.” If your friend isn’t there to connect with you during your hard times, it may be a sign that they’re not an asset in your life.
Remember, a key part of friendship is being there for each other, through thick and thin.
Reflecting on friendships
Understanding the dynamics of friendship is a complex, yet essential aspect of our social lives. We’ve explored various signs that might indicate if a friend is more of a liability than an asset according to psychology.
It’s crucial to note that these signs are not definitive conclusions but guiding factors. Everyone has their moments of weakness, including ourselves. The key is to recognize patterns and consider their impact on our lives.
Assessing our friendships is not about labeling or discarding people from our lives. It’s about gaining clarity, setting boundaries, and nurturing relationships that contribute positively to our growth.
So, take a moment to reflect on your friendships. Are they enriching your life or draining you? As we journey through life, evolving and reshaping ourselves, it’s important that the people we surround ourselves with align with our growth and aspirations.
After all, in the beautifully complex web of human interactions, the quality of our relationships significantly influences the quality of our lives.
